Et tu, Jiff?

Apparently, tainted peanut butter is responsible for an outbreak of salmonella that has affected nearly 300 people in 39 states.

Are you kidding me? Peanut butter?!?

If peanut butter can't be trusted, then it's official; my entire childhood, and hence, my entire life, is built on a foundation of duplicity and deceit. First I have my 3rd grade teacher announce in class that Santa Claus isn't real, now this. Peanut butter has always been the ULTIMATE comfort food! Whether it's eating a delicious sandwich (co-starring peanut butter's vastly underrated sidekick, jelly) or feeding a spoonful of it to a dog, from the time I was a small child peanut butter has NEVER failed to lift my spirits. Now, it seems that just beneath it's chunky or smooth surface lies diarrhea, fever, dehydration, abdominal pain and vomiting.

Just like everything else in life.