Before I continue...

... I'd be remiss if I didn't take a moment to sincerely thank a few people. So if you don't mind, I'd like to take a just a moment to say a quick, but heartfelt Thank You! to...



THE GUY WHO SUDDENLY PEELS OUT
Thank you so much for showing me what cool really is. When you suddenly stomp on the gas pedal of your little piece of shit Toyota for no real reason whatsoever, unleashing the unholy earsplitting whine that only a maxed-out six cylinder engine can emit, it allows me to grasp how truly inadequate I am. Watching you fishtail away, I look forward to the next time I can bask in your close proximity...most likely, one block away at the next red light. Thank you!

THE WAITRESS WHO DECIDES TO TAKE MY ORDER AFTER ALL
You know, I heard you arguing with the other waitress over who had to wait on me and it actually looked like it got kind of heated there for a sec. I sincerely appreciate you taking the high road, rolling your eyes, sighing heavily and stomping over to my table so I can have some scrambled eggs and bacon. After all, I know you're having a crappy night dealing with a bunch of assholes all the time; you told me so when, in an attempt to be polite and make casual conversation I asked you how you were doing. Thank you!

THE DRIVER OF THE ROLLING BOOMBOX
I want to thank you for sharing the gift of music. Specifically, the gift of heavy bass music. Even more specifically, the shitty, muddled, distorted, shitty, heavy bass music that only you enjoy. Whether it's because you stupidly bought and installed chintzy speakers or you stupidly bought and installed great speakers in your chintzy car, the rattling of your plastic quarterpanels tells us that what you lack in taste you make up for in generosity. Thank you, thank you, thank you!