Stay tuned!!

We've all seen "teasers"; tucked in among regular paid advertisements, these very short blurbs from your local news try to hit you quickly with something very dramatic that will make sure you don't turn the tv off at the end of the night. Or worse (for them), switch over to The Daily Show. It's usually something like, "What you're doing between right now and 11:00 could kill you. Tune in tonight at 11:00 to find out what it is and what you should have been doing about it!"

Every tv station that broadcasts local news does this, even though I can't imagine it's remotely effective here in GoogleNation, where if you care about something, there's no need to ever wait until 11:00 to find out about it. It's entirely possible the management of these stations recognize this and as a result have either stopped trying at all or have gone to the extreme of saying something just to see if anybody is paying attention. How else to explain the teaser that local (Tampa Bay) affiliate WFTS ran (read by Wendy Ryan) during last night's prime time programming:

"One of The Golden Girls has died. Tune in at 11:00."

My thoughts upon hearing this:

• My god. It's finally happened. We're out of news. Heaven help us all.
• Well, we are in Florida. I'm sure that show has been, and continues to be, very popular with a certain segment of viewers...
• ...although you can bet your Early Bird that none of them are still viewing at this hour.
• I'll bet for that reason channel 28 wishes it was one of the Rolling Stones instead of a Golden Girl.
• How is it possible that so many of the Rolling Stones are still alive?
• Gee, I'm sure glad I'm not a relative of one of the actresses on The Golden Girls who just hasn't had a chance to check voice mail.
• Ok, I wonder which Golden Girl it is...but I'm just too lazy to get up and go to the computer right now to find out. In a battle of uniquely 21st century American attributes, my habitual disinclination to exertion soundly defeats my desire for instant gratification, in this case, the readily available and immediate accesss to information via the internet. Somewhere, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin weep softly.
• It's sad whenever someone passes, regardless, but wouldn't it be at least a little bit awesome if it was an accident involving dirtbikes or kickboxing or sharks? Or all three?!?
• That's wrong. What the hell is the matter with me?

And for what it's worth, no, I did not stay tuned to find out. After all, Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly were on The Daily Show.