Hi. My name is Clark and this is my blog. My intent is to entertain and I'd like this to be more than "Clark And What Pisses Him Off" (although there will definitely be some of that) so I'll be posting some short humorous fiction as well. I hope you like it. WARNING: Sometimes I will cuss. And I will also embellish facts (ie: lie) in the interest of making things funnier than they really are. Just so you know.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
This week's Clarketplace item
Here is this week's item:
Some crackers - $10 (Tampa)
Reply to: sale-cdcj4-1076389015@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-03-15, 5:33PM EDT
I have been subsisting on nothing but saltine crackers for the last seven months. It's not something I'm proud of and I don't go around telling people. Sometimes they find out anyway, and when they do I tell them it's because of the economy. But the truth is it's because I love (well, loveD) crackers. When I'd eat soup, I'd crumble so many crackers into it that it took on the consistency of paste. Not only would a spoon stand straight up in it, you could tip a bowl completely over and not spill any. Eventually I figured out that I didn't even care about the soup so I just started eating plain crackers. I ate them all the time, every meal, every day, and snacks in between. However, today during lunch, I had a cracker in my mouth and I couldn't swallow it. I couldn't even continue to chew it. It was like my body and psyche both decided simultaneously that they've reached their absolute limit (there is probably more sodium in my hair and fingernails than in most people's entire bodies) and now I can't even think about eating them without making myself naseous. The problem is I have boxes and cartons and cases of crackers everywhere and I have to get them out of here or I will go insane. I'm spending tonight in a hotel because of them and can't afford to keep doing that (in spite of all the money I've saved by not eating anything other than crackers for more than half a year, I'm not rich). This is an excellent opportunity for somebody who is starting a soup restaurant to bolster their inventory for not a lot of cash. Or for someone who just really likes crackers (and there's nothing wrong with that, until they take over your life). Cash, checks, money orders all ok. FREE DELIVERY!
Location: Tampa
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interestsPostingID: 1076389015
LAST WEEK'S ITEM: Bucket of scalding hot water
No responses. Apparently there were no babies born outside of hospitals (don't they always need hot water for some reason?) or any sudden Earl Grey or Lemon Zinger emergencies.
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