Hop On Pop: A Ridiculously inconsistent exclusive!

As many of you may know, former pro wrestler and Hillsborough County commissioner (I honestly don't know which of those two credits should be listed first) Brian Blair was arrested on Sunday (Father's Day) and charged with two felony counts of child abuse after he beat up got in a fight with had a physical confrontation with had a misunderstanding with his two teenage sons.
Below is an exclusive interview I pretended to conduct with Mr. Blair. I didn't attribute fake, silly "answers" that I made up on behalf of Mr. Blair to a bunch of legitimate questions; to do that would be disintegrityarianishy journalism. And since real journalists already frown on how some of us bloggers conduct ourselves (they do, seriously; if you want to ask them yourself, you can probably find some by looking through some of the recently submitted employment applications at your local Subway). Instead, I used Mr. Blair's actual words as answers to a bunch of fake, silly questions I made up.

ME: Mr. Blair, um, so...what's up?
BRIAN BLAIR: "It's a real, I guess, unfortunate situation, that it's a misunderstanding that could have been prevented."
ME: Well, yeah...but I was referring more to you being arrested on two felony counts of child abuse, not the mullet you wore when you were a professional wrestler.
BRIAN BLAIR: "This has had a profound effect on my children, my entire family"
ME: I see your point. But in regard to domestic violence...
BRIAN BLAIR: "...an intolerable and horrible crime"
ME: Sure, I think most people would agree. Which must have made it really hard for victims to understand why you voted last year to cut funding for a county-sponsored domestic violence crisis center...
BRIAN BLAIR: "If they were there, I think they'd understand the situation"
ME: Right on. Bunch of pussies. Say, you wouldn't happen to be a big fan of Chris Brown, would you?
BRIAN BLAIR: "...we have worked tirelessly to advance our shared values and common goals."
ME: I can dig it. I've always wondered, how does a county commissioner relax after a stress-filled day of family values, protecting the rights of bullies to harass gay kids, and hanging out with Micheal Jackson and Bill O'Reilly?
BRIAN BLAIR: "...the last thing that I'd ever do is hurt a kid."
ME: Whoa! A kid? Couldn't you find any worthy opponents closer to your own age?
BRIAN BLAIR: "...my wife is OK"
ME: I'll bet. Didn't you once get your ass kicked by a tray of dirty dishes?
BRIAN BLAIR: "It knocked the dog doo-doo out of me"
ME: Uhh...how did you get dog doo-doo in you?
BRIAN BLAIR: "I was in the best mood of my life. I was with my family. We were all smiling and happy, and I was - I know that I - I had a clear mind, if that is what you're getting at. I don't think I took any kind of medicine. I was just a happy camper."
ME: Note to self; don't go camping with the Blairs...
BRIAN BLAIR: "We took a lot of pride in being able to adapt to whatever the audience wanted."
ME: Where the hell did you go camping? Tijuana?
BRIAN BLAIR: "Yes! But not initially."
ME: I don't...um, I don't think that we, you know, need to hear any more about that...
BRIAN BLAIR: "...it's not good for the boys as a whole."
ME: Yeah, that's sorta what I was thinking too.