Going, going, gone...

Like many Americans, I am concerned with good health and am actively interested in shedding some pounds...just as long as it isn't difficult and I can reap the benefits almost instantly. Oddly enough, my search for a method that meets that simple and reasonable criteria has not yielded results from any traditional outlets. Thank goodness for businesses that advertise via yard signs! Just when you feel defeated by life, you're ready to give up and your shoulders are slumped and you're looking down, that's exactly where you'll find a colorful piece of cardboard or corrugated plastic on a stick shoved into the ground.

Two sizes in ten minutes? That's about as close to instant as you can expect. I have no idea how that would work. I'm pretty sure I don't have enough material in my system to poop out that would bring me down two sizes without throwing in a couple of organs. But what am I, a scientist? No. No, I am not. Get outta my way, I got some dialin' to do!

Hold the phone, Louise! This science is developing at lightning speed! Two days after I saw the first sign, I saw this one. Three sizes in ten minutes! I'm positive that not only would you be able to see that change, you'd have to be able to hear it too. Well, in that case I should wait a few days and see what transpires next. I got two sizes...make it three...I got three sizes, anyone wanna make it four? I think I'm going to hold off until I see a sign that says it can make me the size of a circus midget in thirty seconds.