(Some of you may have received this already via email. If so, please pardon the redundancy and excuse the pleonasmness) Once again, it's time to gear up for the American Cancer Society's Relay For Life® in Temple Terrace. While I am no longer the captain for Team Daddy O-Alley Katz, they have decided to retain me as a member of their team. I am as surprised by this as you are. I had fully expected to be fired AND shunned, allowing me to devote my time during the upcoming winter and spring to such activities as lint herding, bagel racing and not asking you for money. As you have probably figured out by now, at least one of those things isn't going to happen.
So here's the pitch...
Please support my efforts to fight cancer by making a donation. I know times are tough. You don't have to tell me about that. I am writing this while "enjoying" a ramen noodle sandwich for lunch. Besides, I'm sick of the economy being the fallback excuse for everything from a crappy job market to why your sister has a mustache. There hasn't been a one-size-fits-all target for blame like this since the Bubonic Plague ("Prithy, I would love to accompany thee to market, but alas, 'tis likely to be overrun with vermin what carry the Black Death"). You know the saying 'every little bit helps'? Well, in this case it's true. A dollar or two, whatever you can spare, it all goes to fight cancer and it's deeply and sincerely appreciated. That's option A. Option B is you all give me $1,000,000. I've crunched the numbers and I believe that would come to about $730 billion (margin of error +/-: sizable), which should be MORE than enough to eradicate cancer forever. If that happens, Barack Obama will buy me a speedboat (he hasn't made that offer, but I think he'd go for it after the fact) and each of you can take turns riding in it. I don't know. Something to think about. Now please enjoy some boilerplate generated by the nice robots at the American Cancer Society and don't forget to click on one or more of the links scattered about (hint: almost all of them go to the same place). Thanks in advance and Happy Holidays!
This year, I am helping save lives from cancer by taking part in the American Cancer Society Relay For Life®, and I’m hoping you will support me. The American Cancer Society Relay For 
Life® is a life-changing event that gives people in communities across the globe a chance to celebrate the lives of people who have battled cancer, remember loved ones lost, and fight back against the disease. At Relay, teams of people camp out at a local high school, park, or fairground and take turns walking or running around a track or path. Each team is asked to have a representative on the track at all times during the event. Because cancer never sleeps, Relays are overnight events and 18 hours in length. In addition to helping people celebrate, remember, and fight back, Relay For Life® also helps raise much-needed funds and awareness to help the American Cancer Society save lives from cancer.
Life® is a life-changing event that gives people in communities across the globe a chance to celebrate the lives of people who have battled cancer, remember loved ones lost, and fight back against the disease. At Relay, teams of people camp out at a local high school, park, or fairground and take turns walking or running around a track or path. Each team is asked to have a representative on the track at all times during the event. Because cancer never sleeps, Relays are overnight events and 18 hours in length. In addition to helping people celebrate, remember, and fight back, Relay For Life® also helps raise much-needed funds and awareness to help the American Cancer Society save lives from cancer.Please support me in my efforts by visiting my personal web page to make a secure, tax-deductible online donation.Every donation really does make a difference. I know that times are tighter than normal for many of us, but any amount you can give truly can help save lives. Thanks to your support, the American Cancer Society can:
- Help people stay well by helping them take steps to prevent cancer or detect it early, when it’s most treatable
- Help people get well by being in their corner around the clock to guide them through every step of their cancer experience
- Find cures by funding groundbreaking research that helps us understand cancer’s causes, determine how best to prevent it, and discover new ways to cure it
- Fight back by working with lawmakers to pass laws to defeat cancer and rally communities worldwide to join the fight
Each of us has our own reasons for caring about the fight against cancer … whatever your reasons, I hope you’ll choose to make a difference by making a donation online to support my efforts. I’m so grateful to have people like you in my life who want to see an end to cancer in our lifetime. Together we can save lives.
Thank you and I will keep you updated on my progress.To learn more about Relay For Life®, please visit RelayForLife.org
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