I hear the train a-comin'...

The video below of a woman falling in front of an oncoming subway train in Boston the other day is getting a lot of attention lately because, well, it's a video of a woman falling in front of an oncoming subway train. It's :57 long which in this day and age is more than enough time to pass judgement on the character of everyone involved and make snarky comments about them and their actions, so let's do so, shall we?

• :01 - 03 Woop, woop, woop, woop, woop, woop, woop! Our protagonist, obviously wasted, puts the "Agg" in stagger before executing a header onto the tracks.
• :04 - :08 Old Dude #1 sees what's about to go horribly wrong but is just a couple of steps too slow to stop her.
• :09 - :13 Our protagonist, possibly injured (from the fall) and definitely disoriented (from whatever she was on before the fall) rolls around on the tracks before...
• :14 ...planting a side kick on what I believe is the third rail, which provides power to the train to the tune of about 1200 volts of direct current. How she's not dead at this point, I'm not sure. Maybe somebody who knows how this stuff works can share? It does look like it renders her nuller and voider as she doesn't move again until :32
• :15 - :29 Here you see everybody on the platform losing their shit. Either they didn't all realize what was happening prior to now or they thought she had a shot at getting up and out of there on her own somehow. But now they know the only chance she has is if the train stops short. Old Dude #2 enters the picture, recognizing the situation is so dire that he has no choice but to remove his baseball cap and wave it at :21. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
• :29 Old Dude #1 takes a shot to the melon from the train as it comes to a halt. It's a good thing for him that the conductor did hit the brakes or he would not have been in much better shape than the lady below. You can see Old Dude #2 stepping backwards at :27 because he either didn't want to see the lady get smooshed or to get out of the way of Old Dude #1's head flying at him like a screaming line drive.
• :30 The train stops and much like being kissed by Prince Charming, finding herself half underneath a train, yet still in one piece has an amazing, rejuvenating effect on our princess and she scrambles to her feet and is pulled to safety by the gathered crowd.
• :53 The train conductor (engineer? driver? whatever) emerges, visibly relieved over not having to fill out reams of incident paperwork and also not killing anybody.