The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere (revised)

The pretty lady on tv: Our hero



Listen my children and you shall know

How the midnight ride of Paul Revere really did go,

On the eighteenth of April, in Seventy-five;

The year the Bee Gees did "Stayin' Alive"

Ol' Paul was in Boston, drinking some beers

With Sam and Diane and Woody at Cheers

The rest of the crowd seemed rather skittish

There was talk of an invasion of red-coated British!

The face of terror, 1775

Paul put down his flaggard of ale

And pulled his jacket off the ol' rusty nail

"Where ye goin', Pauly? We're gonna party 'til morn!"

But Paul couldn't stay; he had British to warn.

 

"Fetch me my pistols! Fetch me my bells!

I've got a totally awesome story to tell!"

"But why would you want to go warn the invaders?"

Asked the confused bassist for his rock band, The Raiders

True patriots never question the lead singer

But Paul Revere knew better, of course he did

So he slipped on his jacket and three-cornered lid

"They won't know we have guns if someone don't say so

Then they won't know what to try and fail to take, bro"

 

So off on his horse machine he got and did went

To tell those British to get themselves bent

Ringin' and shootin' and yelling the news

In search of those Red Coats with their shiny black shoes

Spare us your nazi salute, you bangers-and-mash eating scum. USA! USA!

He was ringing his bells, just like in his plan

The Brits got excited; "Hey, it's the ice cream man!"

Paul corrected them, "No, I'm here to tell you beware;

You'll never take the guns we have over there"

The head general stood himself up proper and straight

"So you've come to tell us of a dangerous fate?

Pray, why would you do that? Have ye gone daft?"

Paul muttered back, "One if by land, two if by raft."

"Right. He's gone bonkers. We've nothing to fear,"

The general said, his finger circling his ear.

"If the colonists have among them even one gun,

They'll shoot their own balls off if they're as smart as this one"

Paul Revere: Also our hero too.

You know the rest. On the 'net you have read

How the British Regulars fired and fled

With no thanks whatsoever to the left-wing-ed media
Which is why it's up to us to edit the Wikipedia

(with deep and sincere apologies to Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)