Everybody hates The Piano Man

9:00 PM
On a Saturday.

"Hey, is Bill playing tonight?"
"Yeah, he is. He's great, isn't he?
"He sure is. He sure is. Woo! Piano man, you rock!"

La la la, di da da
La la, di di da da dum

"Yeah, that's the stuff. Pure gold!"
"He's got us feelin' all right!"

Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free...

"Wait, what? Why does he get free drinks?"
"Bill, what are you doing? You're gonna get me fired!"


...But there's some place that he'd rather be
He says, "Bill, I believe this is killing me."
As his smile ran away from his face
"Well I'm sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place"

"A movie star? Haw haw!"
"Hey, George Clooney, quit giving away drinks. Otherwise, I can easily arrange for you to be some place else, movie star."
"Damn it, Bill, I told you that in confidence..."


Now Paul is a real estate novelist
Who never had time for a wife...


"Umm, I thought everybody knew Paul was gay."

...And he's talkin' with Davy, who's still in the Navy
And probably will be for life

"Holy shit, Davy is gay! I knew it! I told you guys! I knew it! I knew it!"
"Huh? No, I'm not!"
"Are you ashamed of me, Davy?"
"Shut up, Paul. This is not the time or place for this."

And the waitress is practicing politics
As the businessman slowly gets stoned
Yes, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness
But it's better than drinkin' alone


"Christ, this is a downer."
"Geez, no kidding. This sucks. You guys want to go to Chili's?"
"Where are you guys going? We got two-for-one! Two dollars off all appetizers! Come on!"
"Screw this. We're outta here."

It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday
And the manager gives me a smile
'Cause he knows that it's me they've been comin' to see
To forget about their life for a while...

"Oh, get bent, piano man."