A day in the life of Maury Povich

From Wikipedia: "Maurice Richard 'Maury' Povich (born January 17, 1939) is an American television talk show host...In September 1991, he left A Current Affair to host The Maury Povich Show, which was nationally syndicated and distributed by Paramount Television in partnership with Povich's production company "MoPo Productions" and in national syndication from 1991 to 1998...In 1998, the show was taken over by Studios USA (then a division of USA Networks, later renamed Universal Television after being sold to Vivendi Universal; and NBC Universal Television after VU Entertainment was sold to NBC owner General Electric). When they took over the show's production, they renamed it Maury. The show often veered into what critics called trash TV, and in 1998, it became known for a segment called "Who's the Daddy?" during which men who were denying paternity (or who wanted to know if they really were the father) were given DNA tests and the results were revealed on the air." This is what I imagine his daily routine is like...



6:45AM, at home, in the bathroom...

CONNIE CHUNG: Honey, I have to get going but I just wanted to remind you about what we talked about. You know, trying to make the best of a situation...
MAURY: No need, sweetheart! I'm on top of it!
CONNIE CHUNG: Oh! Well...that's great! I will see you later then, and I hope you have a great show today!
MAURY: Hey, thanks dear! I'm sure we will! You have a great day too! (plugs in hair dryer and steps into bathtub)

8:30AM, on his cell phone, commuting to work...

MAURY: Hey, I'm running a few minutes late but I'm on my way in. I was just wondering, what's the agenda for today's show?
ASSISTANT: Looks like you'll be revealing the results of paternity tests again.
MAURY: Okay, sounds super! (steers car into the path of an oncoming cement mixer)

9:15AM, at the studio, having hair and make-up done...

MAURY: I guess I shouldn't complain, right? I mean, being on television is still a dream come true, right?
MAKE-UP STYLIST: Mi hijo dijo que querría estar en esta exposición algún día. Lo dije que bebería más bien veneno.
MAURY: Hey, that's a great way to look at it! Thanks! (resumes tying hangman's noose)

9:30AM, at the studio, on the phone with his agent...

MAURY: It's just that I think I could be doing so much more. I honestly believe that I could be doing something worthwhile and accomplishing some real good in the world. I mean, I have a degree from Penn, you know? And I...what? It's muffled? How about now? Is that better? Okay, good. What? Okay, but could we at least discuss this at some point please? All right. I'll talk to you later. (hangs up, puts head back in oven)

10:59AM, on set at the studio, just prior to taping...

MAURY: Can we just take a minute to discuss how this is going to go?
DIRECTOR: Why, Maury? We do this show four times a week. Just do it the way you always do it.
MAURY: (Sigh)
DIRECTOR: Look, you're the best at this, Maury. You've done it a million times. Now just ruin Demetrius and Chantelle's lives and we'll break for lunch.
MAURY: Are those really the names of our first guests?
DIRECTOR: Probably. Who gives a shit?
MAURY: I should write that down...
DIRECTOR: Sure. Whatever.

2:00PM, leaving the studio...

ASSISTANT: See you tomorrow, Mr. Povich!
MAURY: Oh yeah, I can hardly wait. Let me guess; I get to introduce America to another batch of babbydaddies. Wonderful. (puts handful of pills into mouth)
ASSISTANT: No, actually you're slated to host a round-table discussion regarding the current political instability in Egypt. We've got a professor from Georgetown and a former member of the Egyptian parliament who are prepared to discuss what they think president Mohammed Morsi should do next. It should be fascinating.
MAURY: (spits pills out) Seriously?!?
ASSISTANT: Ha ha ha ha! Man, I can not believe you still fall for that every single time!