Drawing a line in the sand(wich)

I've tried to ignore it but it's just too damn big. The most important thing in the whole wide world right now is Chick-fil-A and how they are the only company ever to not support equal rights for gay people. When the Muppets get pissed off about something, it's time to take notice. Don't believe me? Just look what San Francisco Mayor Edein Lee posted on Twitter the other day:

“Closest #ChickFilA to San Francisco is 40 miles away & I strongly recommend that they not try to come any closer.”

Okay, it's not exactly FDR saying that "this generation of Americans has a rendezvous with destiny" but different eras call for different bold declarations from our elected leaders. At any rate, when mayors have to warn buildings to maintain their distance, the shit is getting very real, my friends.  


"Mr. Cathy, tear down this tube slide."

 As well, situational moral outrage is a bitch. As you know, each chicken sandwich not eaten is the equivalent to six hours spent reading to AIDS patients and that is indeed a noble gesture on your part (kudos!). But the prospect of having to do without something you enjoy in the process could make you wonder if it's worth it. Well, stop worrying!
Although Chik-fil-A invented the chicken sandwich in 1946, they're not the only fast food restaurant that serves them. That's right, man has evolved a great deal since putting a piece of chicken meat between two pieces of bread for the first time 66 years ago. Now lots of people know how to do that. You can even do it yourself, AT HOME, with the benefit of this recipe:

CHICKEN SANDWICH

INGREDIENTS
Chicken
Bread (2 pieces)
Other stuff

DIRECTIONS

1. Cook the chicken. Grill, smoke, fry, broil it. Doesn't matter. Just don't eat it raw. Gross.
2. Take the two pieces of bread and put the cooked chicken between them. If you've done it correctly, the two pieces of bread should be seperated by the piece of (cooked) chicken in between them.
3. Pick up that top piece of bread.
4. Put some other stuff on there.
5. Put that top piece back on and eat it. 

I know, cooking and eating meals at home is for assholes, but once the boycott really takes hold and Chick-fil-A is out of business in a couple of weeks, we can go back to eating there again. It's a relatively small price to pay to make sure we respect the constitutional rights of everyone (well, except for the fascists who run Chick-fil-A, of course). See? Activism is easy!