Last minute Halloween costume ideas for men

Hey fellas, it's only two days until Halloween and you might be stressed out over what to wear as a costume. As is usually the case, women have it easy in this regard.

Choices galore!

God damn it, it's just so hard to be a man! It's not like we could ever dress up like a baseball player, a student, a Star Wars character, a cop or a fancy French prostitute, right? Of course not. But don't worry, guys. I have some solutions for you.

Put on a suit, a porkpie hat and some
shades and you can be a Blues Brother! Or...

Keep the suit, ditch the hat and you can be a Reservoir Dog! Or...

Carry around a personal massager (while
wearing a suit) and you can be a Man In Black! Or...



Wear a suit, swap the "massager" for a "gat"
and you can be John Travolta in Pulp Fiction!



Put on a suit and a band-aid and you can be
Mayhem from the Allstate commercials!

Put on a suit and a cap from your favorite
NBA team and you can be a First-round draft choice!



Put on a suit and an American flag lapel pin and
you can be your favorite presidential candidate! Or...



Put on a suit, an American flag lapel pin and act like a jackass and
you can be a parody of your least favorite presidential candidate!

Put on a suit, be terrible and give yourself a juicy
contract extension and you can be an ineffectual and
 ethically challenged college administrator!

What's that you say? You hate wearing suits? You say you hardly consider a slight alteration to something you wear all the time anyway to be a costume? You say it's Halloween and the reason the sexy costumes for women are popular (albeit not for everyone) is because it's kind of fun to be naughty, maybe even downright dirty for one day out of the year? You ask, why should women have all of the crude and vulgar fun? Hey, don't rush me! I was saving that for last...

Put on a suit, staple a dead pelican to
your head and you can be an asshole!