My (last) year of living relevantly

Today is my birthday and I am turning 49 years old.
Oh thanks, but this is kind of frightening. Not because of any fear of mortality, of hurtling off into the all-encompassing void of the unknown. Yawn. No, the significance of beginning my 49th year  means today I am entering the last year of my life when what I do and think matters. I'm not talking about in life out in the world, like interacting with friends and family or being a productive part of society, operating under the philosophy that my actions directly affect others and that I should always try to remain conscious of that fact, and if I can't do good, I should at least do no harm. Who cares about that shit? I'm talking about something important. Specifically, as a white man, this is my last year as part of the most powerful group on earth...

"A18-49" or Adults 18-49 Ratings - this is the advertising demographic advertisers are usually most interested in. It's the important number in terms of how well a prime-time television show is doing. Total viewers (P2+ above) don't really make a difference.

Next year, year 50, I'll just be a part of "Total viewers". I won't make a difference. Meaningless. Pointless. Irrelevant. I'll be invisible in the eyes of those who matter. Cripes, for all intents and purposes, to those in positions of power I might as well be a black woman.

Wishful thinking, white boy.

From that point on, if I buy an iPad or a laser toaster or some kind of phone with 13 sharp, whirling blades (Why would a phone need any sharp, whirling blades? Because The Future!) or whatever gimmick is popular then, I won't be a trendsetter, I'll be an old person with something that's basically wasted on the likes of me. At best I'll be one of those senior citizens who seems a tad more tolerable adorable because I'll be participating in a trend. "Oh look, grandpa is on the internet! Isn't that cute? It's like watching an old bald monkey play with a keyboard as though it knows what it's doing. Hurry up and get off, pops; I need to download a PBR." In other words, if I'm lucky, I'll be held in the same regard as rappin' grannies.

Me, in a year, God willing.

Needless to say, this is a sobering thought. Nobody wants to be relegated to fringe status, but I have no say in the matter. If there's one thing you can say about the inevitable, it's that it's unavoidable. With that in mind, all I can do is look back at my own personal history as a person of influence when it came to setting trends and try to make this year really count...

• Video games - Yes!
• Video arcades - YES!!
• Home video game systems better than any arcade - OH HELL YES!!
• The British Invasion (U2, Duran Duran, Culture Club, A-Ha, etc) - Eh. Not really. Some good songs, sure. But as a movement? Overrated.
• Rap music/Hip-Hop culture - I've bought albums by Run DMC, Beastie Boys and Public Enemy over the years, but that's about it. I also bought the Tone Loc album.
• The Minneapolis Sound (Prince, The Time, Sheila E., Jimmy Jam & Tery Lewis, etc) - Yep, now we're talkin'!
• Swatch Watches - Nope.
• Apple Computers - My first computer!
• Rubik's Cube - Had one, couldn't do it, lost interest.
• Guys with one earring - Nope.
• Neon (clothings, bracelets, signs, etc.) - Nope.
• Spandex - Definitely not.
• Mullets and Rat tails (long strip of hair in back of neck) - Double definitely not.
• Ripped jeans - As a mishap, yes; as a fashion statement, no.
• Big Hair with lots of hairspray - Big fan (when it comes to girls) but not a participant.
• Lace fingerless gloves (like Madonna wore) - See above.
• Miami Vice Fashion - Nope.
• Trivial Pursuit - Yep.
• Ray-Ban sunglasses - Not a slave to brand loyalty but I do like the Ray-Ban Wayfarers.
• Sony Walkman - The greatest invention until the iPod.
• "Members Only" jackets - Nope.
• New Wave music - A little bit. Some of it. Ok, a lot of it. All right, most of it.
• Pee Wee Herman - Yep.
• Grunge music and fashion - I like some Nirvana and Pearl Jam but have never owned a flannel shirt.
• iPods - The greatest invention since the Sony Walkman.
• American Idol - Never.
• Blogging - Duh.
• Reality TV Shows - Nope.
• Energy Drinks (Red Bull, Full Throttle, Monster Energy, etc.) - Nope.
• Cigars - Nope.
• Ed Hardy fashion - Nope.
• Tattoos - Nope.
• Texas hold 'em Poker - Yep.
• Old dudes with greasy, yellow ponytails - Nope.
• Text messaging - Yep. Reluctantly.
• Hipsters with their stupid little fedora hats and shit - Nope.

You're welcome or I'm sorry

Huh. Looks like I've never really had that much of an influence. So all along, even at the height of my decision-deciding power, I had already relegated myself to the margins for the most part. I guess there's nothing to worry about after all. As usual.