"Clark is Famous" - A guest post by Carrie Bailey

If you have a web site of any kind, it can be a blog or an online store or anything really, you know how exciting it is when you suddenly see a sudden, unexplained surge in traffic. After the initial thrill of seeing your numbers spike, you immediately want to know why. Sometimes that's a question that's impossible to answer and you have a bonafide mystery on your hands. However, most of us are unwilling to accept that as a satisfactory resolution.
Such was the case when Carrie Bailey found a crazy surge in traffic to a post on her site where she interviewed me. Of course, I'm in love with her so I'm thrilled about anything that draws her attention to me but I have no idea why that happened. I'm not equipped to address questions regarding me and popularity. As a vibrant, creative woman , Carrie has her own ideas. She also loves writing and coffee and me, although maybe not in that order. That's why she wrote this:

Clark is famous. Not famous like being photographed on the red carpet - nominated for an Oscar - dating younger women who’ve been under the knife more times than they’ve spelled their own name correctly. Not that. Not yet. But, he is officially a real talent. One-to-watch. The elusive up and coming of the writing community. Hold the fruit when he takes the stage. He has fans.

Yep, Clark Brooks has clawed, joked and tickled his way from obscurity to a guaranteed source of viral internet traffic. He is a man in demand.

Fact.

Just this week, his interview, Clark Brooks: My Favorite Funny Man, on Peevish Penman received 1400 hits. Overall, he’s been read more than 9000 times…on a blog, which has been archived for over a year. Seriously, that’s like selling out an open-air venue in Antarctica. If Clark Brooks was a stock and not just another golden personality, now would be the time to buy.

Clark has got the funny.

So, now that we know we’re all about be the people who knew Clark before, it’s time to take action, take advantage and capitalize on his popularity before he hires a team of bodyguards.

And just as show of goodwill to everyone about to share my good fortune, I’ve complied a list of 20 favors everyone should ask of Clark to make sure that all of us little people get a cushy place on his bandwagon.

Get his home telephone number – Pay your rent or mortgage for the year by selling a small slice of Clark’s privacy to the media. Don’t worry – he’ll understand.

Have Clark sign a book – It doesn’t have to be his book necessarily. We just need a sample of his John Handcock that is clear and easy to forge for when his biography is released.

Take pictures with Clark – At least a dozen. Find him at Christmas party, in the street, at home and snap, snap, snap! You’re going to want enough so you can post one or two a year online and make it seem like he’s still willing to hang out with you.

Become an Officer in the Official Clark Brooks Fan Club – Oh yeah, we can all skimp a little fame for ourselves by being the people that knew Clark and at the same time profit from charging a minor membership fee for administrative expenses. I’m thinking $350 annually or $50 per month.

Invite Clark to Vegas, get him drunk and marry him – You get one shot at being the lucky woman with the fat alimony checks. Of course, I did just hear that gay marriage has been legalized in Florida, so the competition might get a little intimidating with 100% of the population in the running, but when are you going to find another opportunity like this? Nope, this is a once in a lifetime chance to be his ex.

Volunteer to work as Clark’s bodyguard, chef, PA, housekeeper, laundry person, accountant, head of security, media representative, wardrobe specialist, dog groomer, social media specialist, lawyer and/or hairstylist – Stay close to the funny man. Even if Clark doesn’t have a dog or hair, you need to apply some lateral thinking to wedge yourself into a permanent position in his life. But, you’ve got to practice your sob story for when the day comes that he wants to hire someone who knows how to do the job…and pay them.

Loan Clark money – Whatever funds you have or can raise, get them NOW and send EVERYTHING to Clark. The signed promissory note stipulating a 219.99% interest rate is crucial. But, if you can’t get him to take your generous offer of support, review favor number two on this list and use what you’ve got to pay off the witnesses. Then, pat yourself on the back. You’ll be sending all your kids to the college of their choice!

Raid his house and loot his personal possessions – Possibly the most dangerous option on this list and not exactly a “favor” in the traditional sense of the word, having and owning something the man once used is in everyway an absolutely wise investment – whatever it may be. Alternatively, you can dig through his rubbish bin.

Fame.

It’s so much harder than it looks. I’m personally distraught about what it’s going to do to him. Being famous can change a man. All the people he thought he could trust are sure to turn on him just for a piece of the spotlight or a miniscule profit (Not me, Clark!).

It’s just not fair.

I know.

And I know you’re thinking, “I could never take advantage of Clark Brooks.” But, that’s just one moral hurdle you’re going to have to jump. In the time it took me to write this post today, his interview was read another 650 times. There’s no stopping

it. And there is no stopping the funny man.

Yep, the time to ask Clark for a favor… is now.

 

Guest Post by Carrie Bailey

Aw, look how cute we are together when we wake up in the morning. Especially you, Perry Block. LOOK!!