Ridiculously inconsistent trickle of consciousness: Good seats still available!

Hey, please pardon this really blatant plugola, but I'm involved in a sales contest at work and this is my platform to broadcast to the universe. Sometimes, like now, I'm going to use it to further my own self interests. That's what this is.

THE PITCH: If I, as part of a team, can sell a certain amount of Tampa Bay Lightning season tickets before opening night (October 9), I get to go on a cruise! That doesn't mean you can't benefit, though.

THIS IS NOT A JOKE!

If you care about sending me on a cruise (unlikely, I realize) or if you just want to have season tickets for a team that, honestly, should be pretty damn good this year (a far more realistic possibility), I can totally hook you up. Check it out:

Tickets start as low as $792
Payments can be spread over four months
You get a jersey! (which would cost you well over $100 if you just wanted to buy one)
The jersey has a chip in it that saves you 25% on food at the concession stands and 35% on merchandise at the team stores
Top secret perks

That last one sounds kind of mysterious, doesn't it? It should, because I can make certain "fan experiences" available to you that some poor jamoke who calls up on the phone isn't going to get. What kind of "fan experiences" are we talking about? Let's just say you might be able to scratch "ride a Zamboni" off your bucket list. I shouldn't say more than that, like mentioning that you could fire off our famed Tesla coils at a game. And as far as being able to introduce you to Lightning players, well no, I definitely shouldn't let that out.

But to sum up,
You could be wearing this...