Halloween costume ideas for 2015, some inspired by Facebook status updates!

Halloween is almost upon us. Time to slut it up! Or come up with a creative costume to hide your face and express yourself. But that requires so much more brain use than simply slutting it up. God!!

Here's an idea: let your Facebook timeline do your thinking for you! You're staring at it all day anyway. Have your "Friends®" tell you what to do via telling you what they're doing!

Here are actual updates from my® timeline and the costume ideas they inspirated.

BAT THING
"So I rescued this little bat this morning. He or she is taking a little rest while we wait for the rescue lady to come check him out. His head is about the size of a dime."

1. Find a bat.
2. Make him bite you (this should be easy, especially if you rub yourself all over with some rotting fruit).
3. Assume the radioactive powers of the Bat and patrol the night streets of Golem City! Or become a baby Dracula with a dime-sized head. 
4. Trickety Treat!

BINGO BLITZ
"Roaring Lions, Spinning Wheels, Are You Ready For Thrills and Chills?"

1. It's a game or something.
2. I don't know.

A PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE COMPLAINT ADDRESSED TO SOMEONE WHO INCONVENIENCED YOU

"Dear train conductor who felt the need to blast the horn a gazillion times at 1:30 am and again at 6am waking my kids, but especially me, I thank you. It's bad enough they were all up at different times during the night yet the times they were actually asleep you came thru our little town."

1. Label an inflatable sex doll to represent what it is that annoyed you. In this case, "Safety of others; specifically motorists and pedestrians who might benefit from knowing that a train was coming".
2. Have angry, violent sex with it.
3. Repeat a gazillion times or until someone shoots you in the face.
4. Knock knock! Who's there? Candy!

FOOD SOMEONE ATE

"Late lunch today. Burger lettuce wrap."

1. Stand in the middle of some green fabric.
2. Turn around in a circle as many times as it takes for the green fabric be all around you.
3. You did it right if nobody gives a shit, just like how people reacted to this status update that inspired the concept.
4. Thick or threat!

You know what? This is harder than I thought it would be. Let's abandon this premise and just go back to slutting it up. Only let's be clever and get all topical and timely with it!

NAUGHTY REFUGEE®

"Get your hands off me...or all over me. Whatever. Halloween!"

Yowza!

SLUTTY, ARBITRARILY DEVOUT RELIGIOUS ZEALOT/LOW-LEVEL GOVERNMENT BUREAUCRAT ®

Hubba hubba!

SEXY TRUMP

"Boo!"

*Burp*