Behind The Quiz

If you're not on Facebook, you should know that a great deal of time and effort is wasted spent on that site making and taking various quizzes. I think there are more quizzes than there are members. If you can think of a topic, there's a Facebook quiz for it. Among the most popular quizzes are the "About Me" variety. This allows you to go in and make a quiz about yourself and send it to your friends. Sure, it's wildly self indulgent (Facebook is like a Google news feed where every news item pertains to you; as a result it's very easy to get caught up in the belief that you are, indeed, a rock star) but ultimately it's harmless and kind of fun. I did one recently and since nobody answered every question correctly, I feel obligated to share the stories behind the questions and answers.


How well do you know Clark Brooks?

1) What city was I born in?
a) Chicago, IL
b) Tampa, FL
c) Frankfurt, Germany
d) St. Joseph, MI
e) Battle Creek, MI

Chicago is my favorite American city but I wasn't born there. Tampa is home sweet home, but I wasn't born here. I spent two great years in Frankfurt and it's my favorite international city, but I wasn't born there. Battle Creek, home of Kellogg's, is the cereal capitol of the world. I wish I were there right now. Nope, I was born in St. Joseph, the comparatively effete, bourgeois twin city to the rough and tumble working class Benton Harbor, where I actually grew up.

2) I have never _____________
a) dressed in drag
b) used an illegal drug
c) been to the Olympics
d) annoyed a Beatle
e) left a Manhattan hotel at 5AM with Leeann Tweeden

a) For a good cause (Relay For Life, 2008)
c) Atlanta, 1996. Watched USA vs Australia in baseball at the old Atlanta Fulton County Stadium, which was a dump at that point. It was the day they re-opened Centennial Park after the bombing.
d) We were hosting Ringo Starr's All Starr Band at the Sun Dome in 2001. It was just prior to show time and I was going somewhere in a hurry for some reason. I burst through the stage doors coming from the arena floor and almost ran over Ringo, who was standing there, waiting to go on. Startled, I said, "Oh! Hi!" and he frostily replied, "Yeah...hi." Okay then! I would have been traumatized for life except I met Sheila E later that night.
e) I was the off-stage announcer for the 2005 American Freedom Festival at the historic Roseland Ballroom in New York, where Leeann Tweeden, a tireless and committed supporter of our troops, was appearing. I had my picture taken with her when the show was over (because she's gorgeous and sometimes, I'm only 15 years old), thanked her and mentioned that I was going to walk back to the hotel. She said she had a car and offered a ride. I gladly accepted and, being a rube hayseed, wondered to myself how she found a parking spot. Of course, she meant a limo was waiting for her. So not that it's cool enough that I'm riding through Times Square in a limo with Leeann Tweeden, it turns out we're staying at the same hotel. I had to get up before dawn the next morning to catch a flight back to Tampa. I wake up, get ready and hop on the elevator, and who's there? Leeann Tweeden! She also had to catch a crazy early flight to go cover a college football game for Fox Sports. So now I've arrived at and left a Manhattan hotel with Leeann Tweeden and all I can think is, "where's the paparazzi when you need them?"
b) My dad was a cop who very effectively instilled an unholy fear of all the possible consequences of using drugs. I think it's served me well. I have friends who've used different things and from what they tell me, I don't feel like I've missed out on anything.

3) My favorite (lucky?) number is ______
a) 6
b) 7
c) 8
d) 9
e) 10

All the digits in any multiple of 9 when added together always equals 9. I like the fact that it's an odd number and yet so symmetrically perfect like that.

4) I secretly would like to be a ________ for a day?
a) robot
b) t-rex
c) superhero
d) bass player in a band
e) all of the above

That's hardly a secret.

5) What is my middle name?
a) Joseph
b) Jackson
c) Jerome
d) Jellybean
e) Susan

My parents named me after nobody. Apparently, grandparents and other members from both sides of the family were fighting over who I should be named after, so "Clark" was their big, fat, 'F you!' to mouthy relatives. Same thing with my sister Connie who was adopted born four years later. However, mom did sneak in a shout-out to her favorite uncle by making my middle name Joseph.

6) What song would I choose to sing at a karaoke bar?
a) "Feelings"
b) "Little Red Corvette"
c) "(I'm Your) Hoochie Coochie Man"
d) "Material Girl"
e) "Toccata and Fugue in D minor"

Did you fall for the decoy and pick "Little Red Corvette" because I'm an avowed Prince freak? Ha ha! I'm a howlin' growlin' blues man on the mic, baby!

7) I was in the __________
a) Army
b) Navy
c) Air Force
d) Marines
e) Bee Gees

I wish I'd joined the Navy now. My favorite thing about being in the military was the travel and Navy guys go everywhere. I went to Kentucky, Indiana, South Carolina, New Jersey, New York and Germany in four years. A friend from high school who joined at the same time saw Greece, Spain, Italy and Japan in two years.

8) What am I scared of?
a) Snakes
b) Bugs
c) Being serenaded in public
d) All of the above
e) None of the above

Seriously, on my birthday, my friends all know not to take me to one of those places where the waitstaff gets together and sings Happy Birthday because I will dive out of a window to get away. I'm not kidding.

9) My favorite sport to watch is ________.
a) baseball
b) football
c) basketball
d) hockey
e) soccer

Actually, I go back and forth between Rays baseball and Lightning hockey, depending what's in season and which hometown team is more fun to watch. These days, with the state the Lightning are in, that's not even a contest.

10) My favorite flavor of ice cream is ________.
a) Vanilla
b) Chocolate
c) Blue Moon
d) Mocha Choka With Extra Egg Yolka
e) Raspberry Flurb

Just about everybody I mention this to has no idea what I'm talking about. They ask what the hell Blue Moon is and what it tastes like and I can't even answer them. It's almost entirely a Midwest thing...except I found out that Kilwin's in Sarasota has it in the summer time.

11) Few know that I have ____________.
a) a daughter I don't talk about
b) three nipples
c) a singing voice not unlike Carol Channing's
d) the ability to read toaster pastries
e) four cats

Yep. Adopted a mama cat before I knew she was going to be a mama and kept her three babies. Because sometimes I'm a softhearted shmuck, that's why.