Gettin' in Da Club - part 1 of 2

The other day, I was on line and I stumbled across this club...

Woo wee, son!

That's right, it's the Exclusive Wealth Club, Inc.
My first reaction was something like, "AH, HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"
But then I thought about it a little more, and aside from having a name the Little Rascals might have come up with after Spanky and Alfalfa each found a nickel or something and a logo that must have taken several minutes on Publisher to design, this sounds like it might be a pretty sweet club. Besides, it's hard to come up with a good name these days, what with so many things having been around for so long and taking up all the really good names that describe an organization, its members and what it's all about. "The Excelsior Douchebag Society", "The Kill Us First When You Poor People Finally Get Fed Up Enough To Do Something About It Association" and "Ye Mystic White People That Even Other White People Hate Krewe" are probably all taken. Regardless, you shouldn't judge it by the name; take a look at that logo. Those are lions, a two-headed swan AND a crown! They also have an official Facebook page. You think Zuckerberg lets just anybody have one of those?
Who's in charge of this club? This guy...

You may know him better as The Governor from "The Walking Dead".

Just kidding. Those are two totally different guys. One has a band of yokels who are easily manipulated by a measure of charm and bullshit following him around and the other is a character on a television show.

Okay, I can tell some of you still doubt how top notch this club is. Let me give you some evidence via photograph...

Those are some blinged up graphics, yo! You've got to go back to MySpace circa 2003 for that level of class!
Check out this video...

Did you see those girls? Those are the kinds of girls you get to bang if you're a member of The Exclusive Wealth Club, even if you ARE a girl. Ha ha! Just kidding; you ain't getting in the club, bitch. Not on your own, anyway.
Speedboats, mansions, private jets, waving at unseen people as you get off of private jets, parties in the daytime with the world's best bald deejays, windy balconies, horse statues, yards that can only be viewed from a helicopter? It's like being a damn James Bond villain!

And lastly, when pictures and moving pictures can't paint a picture, you count on words. Words like these (straight off the official club Facebook page):

What is the Exclusive Wealth Club?

I don't know. Talk to me, papa!

Over the years The Exclusive wealth Club has managed to combine the best features of a private club, with the infrastructure of a Private Mansion Equity Destination Club. Many members own luxurious beachfront homes, play tennis or golf at the best country clubs and facilities, dock their yachts in the most coveted marinas, explore the most spectacular locations, and dine in the world's top gourmet restaurants. 

And luxurious bangin' in all those places? Oh yeah, I think so!

Our members treasure the ultimate luxury of having a private mansion paradise to share with other like minded members. An air of casual elegance best describes the feel of EWC events. The natural beauty of the locations and the ability to have a safe haven away from the hussle and bussle of everyday life, while meeting and sharing it with new friends is the ultimate allure of EWC Membership.

See? Also, when you reach this status you don't have to worry about how to spell words like "hustle" or "bustle". Those are poor people words. Let some slob with a name tag worry about spelling those shits correctly.

Generations of members have forged a strong community and connection to preserving this unique EWC lifestyle. Membership is offered by invitation to those who share a common vision and value a community that holds privacy to the highest degree. Being exclusive yet inclusive to like minded individuals offers an private club like no other. 

Need I say more? An private club like no other! "Generations of members" of a club that started in 1986. Who can cram multiple generations into 25 years? Exclusively wealthy people, that's who!

That does it, I'm joining this bitch.

NEXT: I attempt to join this bitch