"Are you believing this? I mean, seriously, are you believing this??"
"I gotta tell you man, my mind is blown. Buh-LOWN!"
"The kid is loving it though. Look at him, smiling, nodding. Look how pleased he is."
"Yeah, well, he's a baby. What do you expect?"
"I could have saved a ton of money if I'd known I could just show up and jingle my keys."
"Instead we get on our camels and bust our humps..."
"Literally!"
"...to lug exotic gifts halfway across the desert, which is a huge pain in the ass by itself..."
"Especially during the holidays."
"Yeah! Wait...what?"
"Never mind."
"And what has his undivided attention? Some dirty urchin pounding on a drum."
"He's not even a good drummer."
"Tell me about it. The guy that beats on the paint buckets outside the coliseum is better than this jamoke."
"That guy is awesome!"
"This guy...mediocre at best."
"Maybe this is a parable. One of his lessons."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, the kid's The Messiah, right? We're supposed to be learning from him. Maybe he's teaching us that material things aren't what make the greatest gifts."
"Uh, hello? We're wise men. There are three of us. I think if it was something that simple, we'd have figured it out on our own."
"You know, now that you mention it, I'm actually questioning how wise we are right now. We travel across the desert, lugging frankincense and myrrh to people who are having their baby in a barn. Not exactly practical gifts. Look at this place. That's a sheep RIGHT THERE, next to the baby! Honestly, what are they gonna do with frankincense and myrrh?"
"Dennis brought gold! They can buy stuff with gold."
"Then I guess that means that Dennis is actually wise! Where does that leave us, though? I'll tell you. We're just a couple of schmucks. We're Dennis the Wise Man and the Two Schmucks."
"Yeah, well, I'm not changing my business card again."
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