Drag yourself to this show!

Sunday night, I'll be competing in the Wigs and Wit Showdown at Punky's in St. Petersburg

"Join us every second Sunday of the month for this unique style competition. 3 comics. 3 drag queens. Comedy, lip syncing, hilarity.
Get dinner, stick around and watch the best new gig in town.
3 comics will do 10 min sets, and the 3 drag queens will judge each set 1-10. Each drag queen will perform and the comics will judge their performance 1-10.
The top comic vs top drag queen square off as the comic lip sings and the queen does a 5 min set! Winner takes home $100"

The concept was dreamed up by my buddy Jeff Klein and I think it's a genius idea. I've been dying to be part of it since he came up with it and I finally get my chance this Sunday. Win or lose, I just can't see how this won't be a totally fun night. Plus, I've never been to Punky's but I hear the food is good.

The other comics will be Travis Pickett and Kevin Taylor and the queens will be Stephanie Stuart, Alexis DeHaven and Omahyra Murad.

Come on out, if you can. This is as close as you can get to a guaranteed good time.

WIGS AND WIT

Sunday, October 8 - 7PM

Punky's Bar & Grill

3063 Central Ave. St. Petersburg

Two for the show

Generally, I'm okay with being alone and doing things by myself. Often, I prefer it. It's easier to relax and enjoy myself when I don't have to worry about burdening someone else with my presence and the annoying behavior that comes with that.
Other times, I feel like I need companionship.

My original comedy mentor Tony Gaud has made a feature film, a horror/comedy titled "Billy's Got A Bad Brain" and it premieres on October 15 at the Tampa Improv in Ybor City. I'm in it and I have a significant role. I'm only bragging a little bit; I'm mostly mentioning it for context. There's going to be a red carpet at the premiere and being as I'm prominent in the film, I don't want to show up and possibly have my picture taken unaccompanied. Maybe that's an outdated way of thinking about things, that someone attending an event is going to be thought of as less than if they arrive sans accompaniment, especially a guy. But I know I would feel more comfortable if I had someone there with me. Due to circumstances beyond my control, the person with whom I would have liked to attend is unavailable, which presents a problem. And what's the best way to solve any problem associated with loneliness? Why, with ads on Craigslist of course!

This one went up last Wednesday:

Brilliant, hilarious actor seeks temporary arm candy - m4w (Ybor) Hi! I'm in a movie that premieres on October 15 at the Improv in Tampa and I need a glamorous babe to attend with me so I can be photographed arriving on the red carpet with a glamorous babe.
YOU: Glamorous, fun, pretty good actor (you have to convince people that you like me)
ME: Not so glamorous, lots of fun, hilarious, charming, great actor (you'll see, when you watch my performance in the movie)
Do you like playing dress-up? Do you like attending movie premieres? Do you like watching locally produced independent films FOR FREE? This could be the greatest night of your life! Or at least a pretty good one. Probably not terrible. Maybe.

I got exactly one response and this is basically what happened next:
HER: Hello! I believe I am a good fit for your "acting scenario girlfriend" for the movie premiere... I am a very sweet, funny, well spoken person, intelligent...I am 5'2" and 118lbs...Pretty...but that would be your decision... if you would like to contact me, we can go from there...
ME: Thanks for replying! I will give you a call later this afternoon.
HER: What's the compensation for this?
ME: Oh, there's no compensation. But you get to see the movie for free!
HER: I just remembered I have my kids that weekend. Sorry.

So this slightly less ambiguous one followed last Friday:

Pseudo-movie star still seeking classy (temporary) companion - m4w (Ybor City) Hi. I'm in the movie "Billy's Got A Bad Brain", a locally produced horror/comedy which will premiere at the Tampa Improv on October 15th. I'm looking for a glamorous dame to accompany me so I don't have to have my picture taken all by myself on the red carpet, like some clod who refers to a lady as a "dame".
YOU: Fun, classy, able to pretend that you like me for a couple of hours.
ME: Fun, low key, pretty funny (professional comedian), good enough actor to be featured in a locally produced horror/comedy film.
There's no money involved and no creepy hidden agenda. You basically have to dress up kinda nicely and be seen in public going to a movie with me. There are worse ways to spend a Sunday evening.

This also received exactly one response, this time from a very nice lady who seemed to understand exactly what I was looking for and I'm sure we would have had a great time. However, I actually found someone else (via not Craigslist, and she's pretty terrific so I'm excited) before she replied, so it looks like I'm all set. So now I can go back to using Craigslist for its intended purpose: access to unregulated prostitution.


So here's a gratuitous plug for the event itself: There are tickets available now to attend for just ten bucks!

"When volunteers from the college begin to go missing, no one really notices. That's great news when you're looking for victims.
Dr. Billy Brackett, a brilliant brain surgeon from the University, will try anything to save his wife, Becca, from her coma... and he does. Professor Arthur Bixby soon finds out how far Billy is willing to go.
Billy's got a bad brain and he's not afraid to use it."

The whole thing was shot here in Tampa and the cast and crew is comprised entirely of local actors and mostly comedians so it should be a lot of fun!
Check out the IMDB page!

This, yet again, one more time (until next year etc.)

Isn't voting so much fun that you wish you could do it more often than every three or four years or whatever it is?
It is, you do and YOU CAN!

Creative Loafing's annual "Best Of The Bay" polls are now open..."It's time to vote for the tastiest restaurants, the baddest local bands, the politicians who inspire and infuriate you — even for your favorite acupuncturist. Now in its 27th year, Creative Loafing’s Best Of The Bay has long been a local institution, but it’s one that always depends on you. You suggested the categories, you submitted the nominations, and now you’ll decide who wins. Your voice, your choice."

Once again, this blog (actually, me as the blogger of the blog) is nominated. It has never won. A blog now in its 12th year has never won a BOTB. Not that longevity merits a "Best of" award, but I'm going to pretend that it does so I'm asking that if you vote (and of course, you don't have to), please vote for it (me) as "Best Local Blogger". It's located under the "People, Places, Politics" tab.

While you're at it, please consider slinging votes (follow the rules and DON'T CHEAT!) at a couple of other things in which I have vested interests:

• "The Spike On The Mic Show" - nominated as both "Best Local Podcast" and "Best Local Internet Radio Show".
• Vivienne Brown - nominated as "Best Local Actress" (under the "Arts and Entertainment" tab) Because she was just great as The Amazing Desdemona.
• Me - nominated as "Best Local Stand-Up Comic" (also under "Arts and Entertainment"tab). I won't mind if you don't do this one because I already won it two years ago. SERIOUSLY!  I'm only mentioning it because, well, I am nominated and if I won it again, that would be kind of cool. But I don't need to win it like the blog (me) needs to win, so by all means, go ahead and vote for someone who is not me. There are lots of very good, award deserving comics nominated. Besides, as I have been told, it's just a meaningless token from an irrelevant popularity contest (until you get one, when it suddenly becomes a relevant achievement and you slap a mention of it on every piece of promotional material that bears your name after inciting your followers to send death threats to a previous winner). Oh well. As FDR once said, "Haters gonna hate, voters gonna vote".

Billy's Brain is almost Bad enough

We're getting close to living in a world where everyone can watch Tony Gaud's film, "Billy's Got a Bad Brain"! In 86 days (on October 15) the film will premiere at a gala event to be held at the Tampa Improv. In 100 days, on Halloween (October 31), it'll be available to stream everywhere.
It's a horror-comedy, shot entirely here in the Tampa Bay area with a cast and crew comprised of all local actors, most of whom are stand-up comedians.
Here's the link to our IMDB page with a full list of cast and crew.
And here's the link to purchase tickets ($10) for the premiere event at the Improv.
And here's the link to the special episode of The Spike On The Mic Show where we interviewed many of the people involved in making the film.
More to come as we get closer to the big date(s)!!

The John Jacobs Cinematic Universe

John Jacobs is a comic who lives here in Tampa and he, along with Josh Santos, another local comic, makes funny videos. Recently, I've had the privilege of being in some of them (see below) and hope to be in more soon. You can watch all of them here and you should. Because they're hilarious. It's like the Marvel Cinematic Universe, except with unusual characters doing strange things. Pawn shops, roadkill, shark books, gay dogs, treasures found buried way deep under the Tuscans. You won't find Thor or Iron Man dealing with any of that stuff.

Is it in the stars?

Remember when I was in that stand-up comedy tournament at Side Splitters last year, as one of 64 participants and I made it all the way down to the Elite Eight? Remember? I sure do! Gosh, that was a lot of fun!

Well, I'm doing it again. My first match-up in this year's big blowout is Sunday, July 16th at 7:00 PM. You can get tickets for less than $5 by purchasing them online and using my initials "CB" as the promo code when you check out. Local legend JB Ball will be headlining that night.

I did pretty well last time and that felt good, but I'm not so sure what my prospects are this time around. So I decided to visit a psychic and see if I could get an idea of what my chances might be...

Twelve years!

As of this past Sunday, June 18, this blog has been around for 12 years. That's almost as old as some children! Specifically, 12-year-old children.

Not much has changed since the beginning, but I don't write left-handed anymore. And who are those two other guys?

Look at all the things that were cool in 2006 but aren't anymore (unlike this blog)
Wow!

The traditional anniversary gifts for 12 years, representing luxury and comfort. I'm gonna get some of those and take a nice long nap. I deserve it!

You know what to do...or not do. Whatever.

Look.
It's time for this again...

"It's that time of year again! We're gearing up for our annual Best Of The Bay issue and party, and it's time to nominate your favorite Bay area people, places, businesses and events for our Readers' Poll awards!

HEAD TO OUR SUBMISSION FORMS AND NOMINATE NOW!

We're looking for the folks you want to single out for voting in these four areas:

Arts & Entertainment

Food & Drink

People, Places & Politics"

Go there, do that. If you want to.
These are nominations, not votes. It's to decide who gets votes later. It's a whole process, with this being the first part of it, the non-voting part. I'll bug you about the voting part later.

And honestly, gosh, it's just such an honor in and of itself just to be nominated.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Let me show you something...

I haven't plugged anything in a while. Hasn't that been nice and refreshing?
It ends, here and now.

I need to share with you the following, for the sake of you knowing about it and taking the appropriate action...

I will be hosting at Side Splitters Comedy Club in Tampa this weekend (beginning Thursday) for Bobby Jewell and Tommy Blaze. That means I will be telling jokes, then talking about what kind of booze juice is on sale, what terrific shows are coming up soon and then introducing Mr. Jewell (who owns the place and apparently thinks highly enough to keep bringing me back for work) and then Mr. Blaze. Everyone will have a lovely evening and after the show ends, we will all adjourn to the lobby to meet, perchance to greet.
Sound good? Heck yeah!

This is kind of exactly what I will look like while doing this.

Tommy Blaze

with Bobby Jewell

and your host ME

Thursday, May 18 - 8:30 PM

Friday, May 19 - 8:00 PM

Saturday, May 20 - 6:00 PM, 8:00 PM and 10:30 PM

Sunday, May 21 - 7:00 PM

Tickets on sale now!

Side Splitters Comedy Club

12938 North Dale Mabry Highway

Tampa, FL 33618

(813) 960-1197

Do what Renee say!

Hi there. My friend Renee Warmack recently wrote these very nice words about me on Facebook...

"I firmly believe in encouraging others and asking for support when I need it.Thus, here's a shoutout to my dear friend and gifted writer/comedian Clark Brooks:He is OFTEN hosting at Sidesplitters and doing his thing all over Tampa Bay (see his gigs here):http://www.clarkbrooks.com/events.htmlWords can't express how proud I am of him and how much I appreciate his love and support.As artists, we have to grind out each day at a time and stay true to our craft, amid obstacles.Clark embodies this and inspires me all the time through his example.Go see him tell jokes! He will make you forget about the baby giraffe and help you enjoy life!"

While I don't want you to forget about the baby giraffe (NEVER forget about the baby giraffe!!), I do want you to follow her advice (she generally has very good judgment on things) and come see me tell jokes, when you get a chance.

What do you know, here's your chance! I'm hosting for a couple of different headlining comedians at Side Splitters Comedy Club in Tampa again this weekend! Here's the schedule:

• Thursday, March 30, 8:30 PM - Vic DiBitetto
• Friday, March 31, 8 PM - Vic DiBitetto
• Friday, March 31, 10:30 PM - Ken Miller
• * Saturday, April 1, (4:30 PM) 6 PM - Ken Miller, special benefit performance (see below)
• Saturday, April 1, 8 PM - Vic DiBitetto
• Saturday, April 1, 10:30 PM - Vic DiBitetto
• Sunday, April 2, 7 PM - Ken Miller

ABOUT THE HEADLINERS

"An incredibly powerful performer, comedian Vic DiBitetto churns energy, honesty and humanity into nonstop laughter. His pace is frenetic. His material vivid and true. He’s been called a cross between Rodney Dangerfield and Ralph Kramden. The bottom line is, DiBitetto leaves his audiences breathless with laughter.

Referred to by most other comics as a “killer”, it means you just can’t follow Vic onstage. And that has been uttered by many very famous stand-ups over the years... Vic has appeared on television's America's Funniest People (ABC) where he was a $10,000 Grand Prize winner as well as Stand-Up Spotlight (VH1) and Last Laugh at Pips and acted in a pilot with Woody Allen and Danny Aiello. In addition, he has warmed-up hundreds of audiences for hit shows such as Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and The Ricki Lake Show.

Vic has performed at many of the nation's best comedy venues such as New York City's Dangerfield's, Los Angeles' Laugh Factory, Las Vegas' Riviera Hotel, Resorts World Casino and Atlantic City's Borgata Hotel. His schedule is relentless and he is booked thru 2015 at every comedy venue imaginable in the New York Tri-State area. A Pay Per View special and major US Tour are in current discussions." - https://vicdibitetto.net/home

"Ken Miller is just PLAIN OL'FUNNY. In just a few short years he has stormed thru the ranks of comedy. From mcing, featuring to headlining. He has become one of the funniest comics in the state of Florida. He was the 2009 Comedy Central South Beach Comedy Festival winner beating out 88 other comics. After finishing 2nd two years in a row, he finally won the 2013 Florida’s Funniest Comedy Competition beating out over 200 comics. He was chosen to compete/perform in the 2011 Laughing Skull Comedy Festival/Competition in Atlanta, GA, World Series of Comedy in Las Vegas in 2012 and The Great American comedy festival in 2013. Ken was recently seen on NICKMOMs, MOMS NIGHT OUT on NICKJR." - http://www.kenmillerthecomic.com

* The 6 PM show on Saturday is a fundraising benefit for the Wiregrass Ranch High School baseball team (I think I might be the official comedian of Wiregrass Ranch High School), with a portion of all tickets sold going to that program. There will be activities in the lounge beginning at 4:30 with the show starting at 6.

Tickets for all of these shows are on sale now and everything happens at

Side Splitters Comedy Club

12938 North Dale Mabry in Tampa

(813) 960-1197

Bringing in the month of March, like a whole bunch of humorous lions

Here's who's going to be part of the "Odd Wednesdays Late Nite Showcase" at the Tampa Improv this Wednesday (March 1):

Jorge Gonzalez (hosting)

Sloan

Mike Morris

Justin Cupo

James Bailey

Kristopher Shubeck

Zac Townsend

Nina Ramdat

Katie McCoy

Jeff Klein

...and ME!

While those names may not mean much to you (aside from mine, that is)...yet..., believe me when I say that these are all very funny local comedians. Beyond that and maybe more importantly, I like all of them as individual human being persons. I think if you met them, you'd find them funny and like them too. So, basically, what a wonderful opportunity this show is for you to stay up late on a Wednesday, come down to Ybor City and find these things out for yourself!

(NOTE: This is a show outside of the scheduled open mic there that night)

"Odd Wednesdays Late Nite Showcase"

Wednesday, March 1, 10:00PM

Tampa Improv

1600 East 8th Ave C-112 Tampa, FL 33605

(813) 864-4000

Happy my birthday to you!

In honor of my birthday in February, Side Splitters Comedy Club sent me an email offer for two free tickets to an upcoming show.

How nice of them!

I selected the show with headliner Chris Roach on Friday, February 17th at 8:00PM. But, uh-oh, I can't sit there and watch that show, BECAUSE I'M HOSTING IT! Silly me, I totally forgot!

Well, what's done is done; might as well let someone enjoy my birthday present and profit from my stupidity. Anybody who expresses interest in wanting these tickets between now and my actual birthday (Monday February 6) will be entered into a drawing to get them. Maybe leave a comment here. That seems like a good way (death threats and ads for knock-off sunglasses will not be considered for obvious reasons).
If you're the only person who does that, your odds of winning are REALLY good! If nobody does it, it'll be my saddest birthday ever and I've had some really sad birthdays. So everybody wins!! Yay!
Did I mention that these are really good seats? These are really good seats. Not in the front row, because I know some people are afraid of that, but very close to the stage.

CHRIS ROACH

(w/ your host Clark Brooks and special guest TBA)

Friday

Feb 17, 2017

8:00 PM 

(Doors at 7:30 PM)

Side Splitters Comedy Club

12938 North Dale Mabry Highway

Tampa, FL 33618

(813) 960-1197

Plug 2 of 2 this week

Here's something I'm doing in Ybor City this Saturday (tomorrow)...

It's at Urban Phoenix Studios and it's a benefit performance, so it's going to help people.

The Not Normal Show

A benefit for the oppressed and in-crisis people of Tampa Bay

Urban Phoenix Studios

2002 E. 5th Ave #103

Tampa, FL

8:00 PM

SATURDAY!

Plug 1 of 2 this week

Here's something I'm doing in Lakeland tonight:

It's at the Pink Piano and I'm very excited about the name of the venue itself. It sounds like it might be a where Chandell hides from Batman...

Come see me and some other Tampa comics try our hand at delivering the yuckity yucks in Polk County.

The Comedy Carnival

The Pink Piano

1015 S. Florida Ave

Lakeland, FL

8:00 PM
TONIGHT!

Just some suggestions...

Hi. Let's take a look at your calendar, shall we?

Here's you:
"Oh shit, what am I gonna do for Christmas?!?"

Here's me:

Here's you:
"Whew! Thanks! But...OH NO!...What about ringing in 2017?!?"

Here's me:

Here's you:
"Okay, good. Nice call. But...DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN!!...What about exactly two weeks into the new year?!?!?!?!?"

Here's me:

"An exercise in artistic protest, The *Not Normal Show will feature the great upcoming performers in this area, featuring comedy from Becca Childs, Melissa Nicholas, Blake MacIntyre, CJ Hernandez, and Clark Brooks. Musical performances from Tory Masci, Official.DMT, and Jâŷ Çâmârø.

$15 donation at the door, the proceeds go to the Hillsborough Naacp Branch, and The Crisis Center of Tampa Bay." 

Lend me your ear holes

Tired of reading my nonsense? Listen to it instead!

I will be on Rachel Rowan's "Afternoon Delight" show on WUSF radio (1620AM / 89.7FM or right here on your on-line computing device machine) today (Friday, Dec. 2) at 5:00PM!

What will we talk about? I have no clue, but that has never stopped me from talking in the past.

I'm sure I'll be delightful. Rachel is, so I'll follow her lead.

The standard for getting a town named after you has changed

I'm performing at a show in Brooksville, Florida this weekend. Specifically, this show:

Hey, Brooksville! My name is Brooks! Maybe I'm related to the person the town is named after and it'll be a big deal for me to perform there!
Well, I sure as hell hope not, because the town is named after this guy...

You don't see a resemblance, do you?

PRESTON BROOKS

"Preston Smith Brooks (August 5, 1819 – January 27, 1857) was an American politician and Member of the US House of Representative from South Carolina, serving from 1853 until his resignation in July 1856 and again from August 1856 until his death.
Brooks, a Democrat, was a fervent advocate of slavery and states' rights. He is primarily remembered for his May 22, 1856 assault upon abolitionist and Republican Senator Charles Sumner; Brooks beat Sumner with a cane on the floor of the United States Senate in retaliation for an anti-slavery speech..." - Wikipedia

His greatest achievement was beating the living shit out of a senator for speaking out against slavery, for which they named a town after him. That's equal parts badass and horrifying at the same time.

Step yo' game up and get on great-great-great grandpa Brooks' level of intolerance and hatred, Trump. You pussy.

Yeah, I think I'll just slip in, do the show and leave.

The Brooksville Comedy Show

hosted by Melissa Nickolas

Brooksville Brewing Company

1320 Commercial Way

Spring Hill, FL

Sunday, December 4th - 6 PM

Me, Tim Chirikalov, David Wayne

It begins...tonight

And continues through Sunday!

Me, with other comedians, at Side Splitters Comedy Club!

• Headliner Gary Valentine with feature act JB Ball - Thursday, November 3 - 8:30PM
• Headliner Gary Valentine with feature act JB Ball - Friday, November 4 - 8:00PM
• Headliner Gary Valentine with feature act JB Ball - Friday, November 4 - 10:15PM
• Headliner Gary Valentine with feature act JB Ball - Saturday, November 5- 6:00PM
• Headliner Gary Valentine with feature act JB Ball - Saturday, November 5 - 8:00PM
• Headliner Gary Valentine with feature act JB Ball - Saturday, November 5 - 10:30PM
• Headliner JB Ball with feature acts Elijah Henry and CJ Hernandez - Sunday, November 6 - 7:00PM

Tickets available for all shows here!

Special offer for Cubs fans*: All tickets FULL PRICE! 

Simply don't even mention that you saw this offer here to take full advantage of this 0% discount!

Side Splitters Comedy Club

12938 North Dale Mabry Highway

Tampa, FL 33618 (813) 960-1197

* Offer restricted to fans of the Chicago Cubs and any other major league baseball team or team in any other sport or people who don't like baseball or who simply can't grasp the concept of paying people to play games for a living, those who don't understand that professional sports generates billions of dollars in revenue and is an industry that employs thousands of people. 

What are YOU doing this weekend?

Watching football?
Deciding for whom to vote?
Enjoying the pleasant weather brought on by the onset of the autumn season, taking time to relax and reflect on life?

How pathetic and stupid.

Why waste time on nonsense like that when you can waste time on nonsense like this?
Come watch me handle the hosting duties for

GARY VALENTINE

Side Splitters Comedy Club

Thursday, November 3 - 8:30PM

Friday, November 4 - 8:00PM

Friday, November 4 - 10:15PM

Saturday, November 5- 6:00PM

Saturday, November 5 - 8:00PM

Saturday, November 5 - 10:30PM

"Gary Valentine "GV" got his start in the world of standup comedy. A 20-year veteran traveling the country refining his comedy, performing at clubs, theaters and festivals. He has since made the jump from Standup to Acting. Best known for his 9 years as 'Cousin Danny' on the hit CBS show the King of Queens. After appearing at the Montreal Comedy Festival and co-hosting 'Friday night' on NBC, he moved from New York to Los Angeles. He then appeared on such shows as The Tonight show, Conan O'Brien, The Late Show with Craig Kilborn, and starring in his own half hour special 'Comedy Central Presents'. GV also co-hosted 'The X Show' on FX and is now a regular on Chelsea Lately on E! GV isn't limited to just the small screen. He has appeared in such movies as 'Paul Blart - Mall Cop', 'I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry', 'Stuck on You', 'Jack and Jill' and the soon to be released 'Here come's the Boom'."

and

J.B. BALL

Side Splitters Comedy Club

Sunday, November 6 - 7:00PM

"Raised by a southern conspiracy theorist and a performer from LA, J.B. Ball is built for fishing out the ridiculous and putting it on display. As a charmer who refuses to let things go, he's deceivingly edgy and intelligent in a way that forces audiences to think and re-evaluate what's going on with us as individuals, a country, and a race of people.
His talents have landed him appearances on Comedy Central, MTV, CBS, COMCAST, SIRIUS/XM Satellite Radio, and Kevin Hart's new comedy streaming network "LOL".
He was selected for the prestigious "New Faces" at the 2016 Montreal Just For Laugh Festival, was the winner of the 2014 Trial By Laughter Comedy Festival, was named 2014's "Florida's Funniest Comedian”, performed at FunnyOrDie’s 2015 Oddball Comedy Festival, and was a finalist at the 2016 Laughing Skull Festival.
His clever interpretations of his life, the news, the world, and how we should be reacting to them have been leaving audiences of all kinds in stitches."

I hear you: "Gee Clark, that's great but we want to listen to the jokes that you make, and also hear you tell us about drink specials and upcoming shows and do introductions. Which of these performances will you be part of?" To which I reply, ALL of them and your grammar is terrible, at least in terms of sentence structure.

Please come see me. I'm somewhat less judgmental in person.

Side Splitters Comedy Club

12938 North Dale Mabry Highway

Tampa, FL 33618

(813) 960-1197

Plugnellas County!

Hi, people who live in Belleair Beach, Belleair Bluffs, Clearwater, Dunedin, Gulfport, Indian Rocks Beach, Largo, Madeira Beach, Oldsmar, Pinellas Park, Safety Harbor, St. Pete Beach, Seminole, South Pasadena, St. Petersburg, Tarpon Springs and Treasure Island (and everyone else, for that matter but especially those of you in Belleair Beach, Belleair Bluffs, Clearwater, Dunedin, Gulfport, Indian Rocks Beach, Largo, Madeira Beach, Oldsmar, Pinellas Park, Safety Harbor, St. Pete Beach, Seminole, South Pasadena, St. Petersburg, Tarpon Springs and Treasure Island).

Hey, how are you? How's it going? Seriously, I want to know.

But before you answer and I lose my train of thought, and whatever level of general interest I'm pretending to have in your welfare, just let me tell you about a couple of things that will happen within the confines of your county of Pinellas that you can and should attend so we can hang out:

Schnitz and Giggles

Friday, September 9 at 8PM

Stilt House Brewery

625 US 19 ALT

Palm Harbor, FL

September 9 is National Wiener Schnitzel Day. Even if you're not such a fan of very thin, breaded and pan fried cutlets made from veal that you feel an entire day is needed to celebrate them, you've got to admit the fact that such a day exists and allows for the creation of the pun that is the name of this event is pretty great. Plus, all of these things:

• It's free
• Stilt House Brewery produces a wide variety of delicious craft beers
• Food from The Red Line Food Truck will be available
• The event is hosted by CJ Hernandez and will feature performances by
• Becca Childs
• Daniel Figueroa
• Bill Kirkpatrick
• Jeff Klein
• ME!

Man, that sounds pretty great. If I wasn't already going, I'd go.

And then on Saturday...

The Last Big Bash

Saturday, September 10 at 6PM

Kymatic Studios

2436 Emerson Ave. S. 

St. Petersburg, FL

The first time I heard about Kymatic Studios, I couldn't figure out where in St. Pete it was located so I put the address into Google Earth and found this:

Naturally, my reaction was "I'm not going there! It looks like a place where they paint cars." Naturally, I wound up going anyway. I walked in and there was loud music and weird lights and girls with hula-hoops. At one point, the emcee announced, "Hey, we had a case of flip-flops delivered here today. We don't know why. We're pretty sure it was a mistake because we're in a warehouse and this is the warehouse district. But if you want to buy some flip-flops, come and see me because we're selling them for $2 a pair." This made me an instant fan for life. That, and the fact that everybody there was and is so friendly and accommodating and supportive. I've performed there dozens of times, once doing what amounted to a residency of six weeks in a row. It's my favorite place in all of St. Pete. I love Kymatic Studios!

Well, their landlord is putting the screws to them, raising their rent substantially in spite of not providing basic services that any tenant would expect. There's no air conditioning and that big garage door on the front was broken for most of the summer, turning the place into an oven. As a result, they have to move. This show is a fundraiser to help them find a new home. The future is uncertain but they're optimistic. I'm sad that this is happening but truly honored that they've invited me to be a part of what they're billing as "The Last Big Bash". This massive show is scheduled to go until 3AM! Check out the line-up:

• 6:30-7:05 Chuck Terzian - Music
• 7:10-7:20 Traci Penokie - Poetry
• 7:25-7:55 John Clark - Music
• 8:00-8:10 Clark Brooks - Comedy (Me)
• 8:15-8:45 American Songbox - Music
• 8:50-9:00 Todd Stimmell - Comedy
• 9:00-9:20 Cocoa Bella - Music
• 9:20-9:30 Topaz Hooper - Poetry
• 9:30-9:50 Sierra Amora - Music
• 9:50-10:00 Danny Figueroa - Comedy
• 10:00-10:30 Jonathan Blake - Music
• 10:35-10:45 Cali Poetik - Poetry
• 10:50-11:10 Zig Zag - Music
• 11:15- 11:25 Jander Gray - Comedy
• 11:40-12:10 Dead is the Cat - Music
• 12:20- 12:30 Elijah Henry - Comedy
• 12:40-1:10 Graveyard Groupies - Music
• 1:30-2:00 Shifted Grimm – Music

Kymatic happens to be smack in the middle of the 2nd Saturday ArtWalk so that'll be happening too, with Kymatic showing and selling artwork.

All of that for just $5!

But yeah, what's up with you?