The video of Zach Wahls speaking in the Iowa Senate against a joint resolution that would ban gay marriage and civil unions in the state has become very popular recently ("gone viral", as they say). Watch the video here and then read below it to see what I'm pretty sure came afterward...
"Thank you, Mr. Wahls. Now, who's next?"
"Uhh, that's me, your honor. My name is Larry Dobberman. But that's okay. I'm good."
"You asked for the opportunity to address the state senate. Obviously, there's something of great import on your mind. This is your opportunity, let's hear it."
"It's just that I, uh, really wish I could have gone first. I didn't know that..."
"Mr. Dobberman, this is the state senate. We don't have time to play games."
"Okay, okay. Well, uh, like I said I'm Larry Dobberman. I too, also, am a native Iow-o-nian in that I've lived here in Iowa all my life after my folks moved here from Chicago when I was 17. I'm pretty sure my grandfather was born here but I don't know much before that..."
"Go on."
"Um, my dad is a man. With a penis and my mom is a woman, presumably with a vagina of some sort. They got divorced though...look, I'd really feel better if you let Zach go again. Maybe there's something he forgot that would make him sound stupid."
"Mr. Dobberman, please. We've listened to Mr. Wahls already. Now proceed."
"It's just that he gave a good speech, a really good speech, and giving speeches isn't really my thing...and an Eagle Scout? Geez, really? I mean, come on overachiever!"
"Mr. Dobberman, do you or do you not have something to contribute to these proceedings in regard to the matter at hand?"
"You know what? Before we started, I saw him drinking coffee in the cafeteria and he didn't have a spoon so he used a fork. He stirred his coffee with a damn fork! What about that, huh? Huh? Zach Wahls is a fork-stirrer!"
"Mr. Dobberman..."
"There's a right way and a wrong way to do things. That's all I'm saying. Is...anybody going to applaud? No? Right. Okay, then."
"That's enough, Mr. Dobberman. Have a seat."
"Buncha fork-stirrers."
Monday, December 05, 2011
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