Today's guest author: Mike Lortz

Today's submission is from comedian Mike Lortz, a regular contributor to our Guest Author Months. Mike is currently overseas, performing for the crowned heads of Europe and the sub-continent, but he still found time to share something with us.

Way back during my college days, I wrote an article on my thoughts on male wedding planning. Most guys don’t get into wedding planning as they don’t want to upset their bride-to-be who has probably had the day planned in her head since the moment senior prom ended. But not me. I’m ballsy enough to advocate for certain things on that big day. Even if my ideas are rejected.


Every time I go to a wedding I get more great ideas. My initial college piece discussed getting registered in the Dollar Store, eating only finger food, and having an Elvis impersonator at the reception. A few years later, I wrote another piece in which I advocated saying my vows in the third person, encouraging the wave at the ceremony, and including giveaways in the wedding program.

http://www.jordiscrubbings.com/2012/08/a-perfect-wedding/

http://theserioustip.blogspot.com/2008/07/sorta-off-topic-how-now-frau-vow-and.html

While on leave from Afghanistan, I went to another wedding and had even more great ideas. This time, I was thinking big. I was thinking a themed wedding. You know, like the Star Wars weddings, the KISS weddings, or even the more-accepted beach weddings people have. I want a wedding that expresses my personality. One that will show in pictures the type of people I and my beautiful unknown bride were at the time of our nuptials.

I want a 70’s themed wedding.

Those who know me around Tampa know I am known to rock the ‘fro wig at times. Afro wigs make for fun times and great pictures. I’d put an afro wig on every seat at the reception and give an afro wig to every guest. Even 80-something year old great aunts and grandparents can look funky in an afro wig.

I would also encourage everyone to be dressed in vintage 70s garb. 70s night at Clearwater’s Brighthouse Field is always a good time and there are plenty of vintage clothing places out there. It shouldn’t too hard to wear your funky best.

A 70s themed wedding would also have a sense of familiarity for the older generations in attendance. My parents, aunts, and uncles would be able to relive the fun of their own weddings forty years later. The way I see it, young people will have fun at weddings no matter what, but it is keeping the older generations involved that is the tricky part. Giving them a sense of nostalgia is a great start.

And that brings me to the best part: the music. Young people will dance to anything. My parents’ generation doesn’t dance to booty music. It’s not their thing. But 70s funk and disco is their thing. It’s what they feel comfortable with, what they rocked their teens and 20s to. So if I can find a disco cover band (say, like Disco Inferno) to rock all night, everyone will have a funktastic time.

The last great advantage would be the photos. In today’s media climate, where people want to put olde tyme photo effects on everything via Instagram and other camera doodads and gizmos, why not use that to an advantage? 70s themed wedding photos with olde tyme effects would give the look that the wedding did in fact take place 40 years ago. But the memories will be as fresh as a blue polyester suit on Sunday.