Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Two for the show

Generally, I'm okay with being alone and doing things by myself. Often, I prefer it. It's easier to relax and enjoy myself when I don't have to worry about burdening someone else with my presence and the annoying behavior that comes with that.
Other times, I feel like I need companionship.

My original comedy mentor Tony Gaud has made a feature film, a horror/comedy titled "Billy's Got A Bad Brain" and it premieres on October 15 at the Tampa Improv in Ybor City. I'm in it and I have a significant role. I'm only bragging a little bit; I'm mostly mentioning it for context. There's going to be a red carpet at the premiere and being as I'm prominent in the film, I don't want to show up and possibly have my picture taken unaccompanied. Maybe that's an outdated way of thinking about things, that someone attending an event is going to be thought of as less than if they arrive sans accompaniment, especially a guy. But I know I would feel more comfortable if I had someone there with me. Due to circumstances beyond my control, the person with whom I would have liked to attend is unavailable, which presents a problem. And what's the best way to solve any problem associated with loneliness? Why, with ads on Craigslist of course!

This one went up last Wednesday:
Brilliant, hilarious actor seeks temporary arm candy - m4w (Ybor) Hi! I'm in a movie that premieres on October 15 at the Improv in Tampa and I need a glamorous babe to attend with me so I can be photographed arriving on the red carpet with a glamorous babe.
YOU: Glamorous, fun, pretty good actor (you have to convince people that you like me)
ME: Not so glamorous, lots of fun, hilarious, charming, great actor (you'll see, when you watch my performance in the movie)
Do you like playing dress-up? Do you like attending movie premieres? Do you like watching locally produced independent films FOR FREE? This could be the greatest night of your life! Or at least a pretty good one. Probably not terrible. Maybe.

I got exactly one response and this is basically what happened next:
HER: Hello! I believe I am a good fit for your "acting scenario girlfriend" for the movie premiere... I am a very sweet, funny, well spoken person, intelligent...I am 5'2" and 118lbs...Pretty...but that would be your decision... if you would like to contact me, we can go from there...
ME: Thanks for replying! I will give you a call later this afternoon.
HER: What's the compensation for this?
ME: Oh, there's no compensation. But you get to see the movie for free!
HER: I just remembered I have my kids that weekend. Sorry.

So this slightly less ambiguous one followed last Friday:
Pseudo-movie star still seeking classy (temporary) companion - m4w (Ybor City) Hi. I'm in the movie "Billy's Got A Bad Brain", a locally produced horror/comedy which will premiere at the Tampa Improv on October 15th. I'm looking for a glamorous dame to accompany me so I don't have to have my picture taken all by myself on the red carpet, like some clod who refers to a lady as a "dame".
YOU: Fun, classy, able to pretend that you like me for a couple of hours.
ME: Fun, low key, pretty funny (professional comedian), good enough actor to be featured in a locally produced horror/comedy film.
There's no money involved and no creepy hidden agenda. You basically have to dress up kinda nicely and be seen in public going to a movie with me. There are worse ways to spend a Sunday evening.

This also received exactly one response, this time from a very nice lady who seemed to understand exactly what I was looking for and I'm sure we would have had a great time. However, I actually found someone else (via not Craigslist, and she's pretty terrific so I'm excited) before she replied, so it looks like I'm all set. So now I can go back to using Craigslist for its intended purpose: access to unregulated prostitution.

So here's a gratuitous plug for the event itself: There are tickets available now to attend for just ten bucks!
"When volunteers from the college begin to go missing, no one really notices. That's great news when you're looking for victims.
Dr. Billy Brackett, a brilliant brain surgeon from the University, will try anything to save his wife, Becca, from her coma... and he does. Professor Arthur Bixby soon finds out how far Billy is willing to go.
Billy's got a bad brain and he's not afraid to use it."
The whole thing was shot here in Tampa and the cast and crew is comprised entirely of local actors and mostly comedians so it should be a lot of fun!
Check out the IMDB page!

Monday, September 18, 2017

No blog post this week either too (with brief explanation)

I didn't post here last week and the reason for that is my access to resources was limited due to hurricane Irma.
That's also the case this week. As of this past Sunday morning, I was one of approximately 2000 people (1.4%) in the area who did not have power restored. So, once again, no blog post this week.

Wednesday, September 06, 2017

Mob deep

(NOTE: No, I'm not writing about the F%@king hurricane. My nerves are completely shot, so I wrote this instead. I wrote it yesterday and scheduled it to go up today so I can be "off the grid" until the storm passes or people stop making me insane with the way they're talking about it. Seriously, Facebook has worn my ass out.)

Remember a couple of weeks ago when everybody was very passionate about statues and their role in preserving history? Because without statues, there's just no way to remember history. That's why these monuments, erected 50 years after the war was over, just happened to be coincidentally placed strategically outside of courthouses and other government buildings and not some dumb old park. Not as a warning to black people who had the audacity to expect justice and fair treatment from these institutions, but because when it comes to sight-seeing, the courthouse is where everyone goes. These monuments were dedicated with elaborate ceremonies and moving speeches, like this one:
"The South stands ready to welcome all good citizens who seek to make their homes within her borders. But the South detests and despises all, it matters not from whence they came, who, in any manner, encourages social equality with an ignorant and inferior race." - Florida state attorney Herbert S. Phillips, 1911
I remember when I was in elementary school and we would take field trips down to the courthouse to look at the Civil War statue. We would get off the bus, look at the statue for a few minutes, acknowledge that the Civil War was an actual real thing that took place, get back on the bus and eventually attend Ivy League schools as history majors.
"That happened."

Looking at statues is not only the best way to remember history, it's really the only way.
Pictured: Worthless things
Without these statues, we might forget to not oppress minorities and treat others with kindness and respect. And since we're doing such a bang-up job with that now, we simply can't afford to lose the statues.
A lot of people attended rallies to protect the statues, because they're such fervent history buffs, dedicated to remembering not to forget that oppressing people is bad. A lot also attended because they enjoy group activities, such as gathering in mobs with torches and chanting slogans. While still others, simply love the art of statuary. And not all of them are probably racists.

Thanks, to John Jacobs and the rest of the Tampa News Force team.