Everything we need to know about this whole Bruce Jenner situation

This is a recent photo of Bruce Jenner

Bruce Jenner's name has been in the news A LOT lately, hasn't it? Magazine covers, TV news, irresponsible internet hack-ass bloggers (hey!). Everybody is talking about Bruce Jenner! But what's really going on? How are we supposed to feel about it? If your answer to those kinds of questions on the matter is something like "Who gives a shit? It's none of my business and I'm sick of hearing about it", well, you can stop reading this right this very second, mister. If that's seriously your attitude, you don't need to read another word. Go on, get out of here!
Are they gone? Good.
Now then, let's really dive in and tackle this super-complicated and tricky issue, shall we? Okay!

Who is Bruce Jenner?
Bruce Jenner is a human being presently alive and residing on Planet Earth.

What does/did he do to be regarded as a celebrity?
In 1976, he won the Gold Medal competing in the Decathlon in the Summer Olympics in Montreal, Canada and was regarded as "The World's Greatest Athlete" as a result. He parlayed that into a career as an actor on television and in movies. He also found success in auto racing and as a motivational speaker and author. In recent years, he has appeared on various, popular "reality" television programs.

Okay, so what's the deal on this whole sex change thing?
Ah, yes. That. That is none of your business.

Excuse me?
Yeah, that's a deeply personal thing and it's entirely his business and has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Bullshit. He's a celebrity.
Yep. Still a human being, though, entitled to a personal life and privacy when it comes to managing his personal affairs.

But I need to know what's going on, why he's doing this.
No, you don't.

Yes, I do.
Nope. You don't actually.

Yes, I really do.
No, you really don't.

But I want...
Ah, there it is.

What?
You want to know stuff, you don't need to know it. Sort of like how I want Cheetos but I damn sure don't need them. Look, as stated above, Bruce Jenner is a human being, presently alive and residing on Planet Earth. He's exactly like you in that he breathes oxygen, he eats food and drinks water. In those ways, he is not extraordinary and anything else he does on a personal, no-harm-to-others level, will never impact your life in any way whatsoever. The decision to share anything above and beyond or not should be entirely up to him. Either way, with or without that info, you'll be fine. But you need to know that your desire to revel in criticizing or mocking what you perceive to be weird behavior, or any of the myriad reasons behind it, either actively or passively by watching TMZ or reading People magazine, by someone you don't even know is really not good for you. And you can apply that to any celebrity, or any average shmucko at the mall with purple hair or a pierced eyebrow for that matter. Whatever it is, that's their deal and it doesn't affect you so back off. Is your shit so together that you're even in a position to critique what anybody else is doing? I'm not judging you (although I strenuously doubt you can honestly answer that last question in the affirmative), because you, just like Bruce Jenner, can do whatever you want as long you aren't hurting anyone. But you can do better, you know, for your soul. Wallowing in this stuff is like stuffing your soul with Cheetos.

Soul Cheetos

But...
Uh-uh. No buts.

Yeah, but...
Nope.

Listen, damn it! I need...okay, want to understand! Why? Why didn't he do this a long time ago? What are we supposed to think? How does this make sense? What's going to happen next?
Okay, I'd recommend that you take the following as not only an answer to these queries but as kind of a guiding philosophy for dealing with this and situations similar to it: Who gives a shit? It's none of my business and I'm sick of hearing about it.