Wednesday, March 04, 2015

Racism is over (unless you read the comments)!

A lot of people want to believe racism is a thing of the distant past.
"Hey, slavery ended hundreds of years ago. I didn't have anything to do with it! Why can't people let go of the past and focus on the present and future, now that there are no more problems and all individuals are treated equally? Just get over it already!"
That's fine, except for the fact that none of it is true.
Take a look at what people (albeit, most of them hiding behind an alias because even though it seems they sincerely believe this shit, they lack the courage and conviction to put their real names behind it) have to say about a trailer that shows a black male actor (Will Smith) kissing a white female actor (Margot Robbie) in a movie ("Focus").
"Welcome to Earth"

"Race mixing is literally sick. Gene incompatibility creates a host of physical and mental problems. Jews love to promote sickness and evil."

"Every-one hates Niggers. The Tolerance Train has CRASHED! Buh bye Congoids! This ridiculous agitprop piece will FAIL."

"Wake up White people. You see it, don't you? Everywhere they push this. They have gotten bold, and the anti-white propaganda is everywhere in the media before your eyes. Are you going to stand for it? Are you going to just watch as your European race is annihilated in a very slow and cruel manner?"

"Daily reminder that the Jews who own the media are pushing race mixing and this is a very obvious example and clear evidence. The idea of the movie is boring and shitty. It's entirely a propaganda piece."

"pure blood in the most important thing- after we are dead that is how we live on - I can still trace my pure blood back to Germany and Luxembourg from 400 years ago and I would never taint that with mud people blood"

"race is disgusting mixing and despite the Hollywood jews' best efforts public approval of it continues to drop"

"I just want to point out some facts. This movie was greenlighted by Warner Brothers President of Creative, Greg Silverman (Jewish), who only answers to the WB CEO, at the time it was Barry Meyer (Jewish).  If you look up the top CEO's of Hollywood production companies you see that they are ALL Jewish. They are proven racists, (Sony CEO has emails to prove it). So when I read claims that race mixing is a Jewish conspiracy, it has some credibility since they are the ones greenlighting this film. Possibly with a social agenda?"

"The propaganda of hollywood is to create an image for the way they want people to live. mix raced children are certain to not look anything like either of their parents alienating them from their culture and destroying their personal identity!"

"Another attempt by jew run hollyweird to push race mixing"

"This film is being used by Jews to promote race mixing between White women and Black males.  Let’s hope this film bombs spectacularly.  Send a message to the Jews that we don’t want to see any of their disgusting race mixing propaganda by boycotting this crap film."
Hey, if the movie is boring and shitty (which it could very well be), I reserve the right to make that judgment myself, based more on how I feel about wasting $12 than whether black dudes and white chicks are gettin' it on, okay? Anyway, for anybody who thinks it's been candy corn and rainbows since September 3, 1945, if not January 2, 1863, keep in mind that people who believe these things are out there, people with the ability (and freedom) to breed and spread these ideas to children. Cowering behind computer screens and highly unlikely to get laid in most cases maybe, but still. The point is there are miles and miles and miles to go before it's a reasonable option for everybody to "just get over it".

Monday, March 02, 2015

Bitches be gynecological!

"BOISE, Idaho — An Idaho lawmaker received a brief lesson on female anatomy after asking if a woman can swallow a small camera for doctors to conduct a remote gynecological exam.
The question Monday from Republican state Rep. Vito Barbieri came as the House State Affairs Committee heard nearly three hours of testimony on a bill that would ban doctors from prescribing abortion-inducing medication through telemedicine.
Barbieri later said that the question was rhetorical and intended to make a point.
Dr. Julie Madsen, a physician who said she has provided various telemedicine services in Idaho, was testifying in opposition to the bill. She said some colonoscopy patients may swallow a small device to give doctors a closer look at parts of their colon.
"Can this same procedure then be done in a pregnancy? Swallowing a camera and helping the doctor determine what the situation is?" Barbieri asked.
Madsen replied that would be impossible because swallowed pills do not end up in the vagina." - Minneapolis Star Tribune, Feb 24, 2015
Well, geez. How in the world are we middle-aged males in positions of authority that impact legislature directly related to health care for women, like Rep. Barberi here, supposed to know what in the hell you gals got goin' on down there if we don't ask stupid rhetorical questions? In case it isn't clear by now, we just don't get it!
"Don't even try to tell me there's no such thing as vagina cameras!"
This isn't for lack of trying, believe me. Ever since the 1950's, when you ladies first allowed us men to have sex with them, we have dedicated a lot of time and effort to being granted permission to get in there and check things out thoroughly for up to 15 minutes at a time (if necessary). In addition, we do extensive research on the internet (you would not believe how many web sites are dedicated to the thorough examination of vagina swallowing). We rely on research done by pioneers of science.
Science confirms: Icky.
It's just not enough, though. We (dudes) have to do better. You (chicks) are counting on us. This is the sexual health equivalent of opening a jar of pickles! Sure, there are alternatives, such as trained medical professionals and women and both of those together. But this is about us, and all we know is that if we swallow some kind of pill camera, it will definitely come out of our butts eventually! Beyond, that it's all so much Chinese vagina arithmetic.
"I'm not even sure you're holding that right-side-up."

At the end of the day, we just don't know enough about your various neeners and hoo-hahs. Are they all connected somehow? Why do they all look different? Are women magic? WE DON'T KNOW! Being secretly terrified of you and your stuff isn't helping. So unless something changes dramatically, we have no choice but to stick with what really hasn't been working; generally poking around indiscriminately and making shit up as we go (NOTE: This last bit doesn't apply exclusively to medical research... heh heh heh!).

Sunday, March 01, 2015

Stand-up schedule for the week of March 1 - 7

Due to a busy work week, just one outing this week...
Friday, March 6, some time after 7pm
1907 19th St. N. (Ybor City)

PRO TIP: Get there early enough and you might be able to park for free.

Just remember allllllllllllllllllllllllll the caveats...


  • This is an open mic. If you're coming out to see me, that's awfully sweet and I'm sincerely flattered but it's not like I'm a headliner or a featured act. In fact, there's no guarantee that I'll even make it on stage. 
  • This is an open mic. In many cases, people are working on untested, raw material. Others are inexperienced performers looking for an opportunity to rehearse. And some people are both of those things. As such, the perceived quality of the performances from an audience expecting a polished, show-bizzy "show", may/will vary wildly. 
  • This is an open mic, consisting of live performances by live performers. There's no way of predicting what will (or won't) happen. 
  • Also, if you've seen me before, expect to see pretty much the same act. Practice makes adequate, you know.
Thanks to everyone who showed up last Tuesday. That was actually more fun than I expected it to be. Not that I doubted it would be fun to see you, but you know. It was nice to have My People there, that's all.


And of course, always remember and never forget...
The Spike on the Mic Show
Every Monday (mostly)
LIVE from Pin Chasers Midtown

4847 N. Armenia Avenue (Tampa)

Join us in person for a chance to win a FREE* sponge bath from one of the cast or just listen along at spikeonthemic.com

* Winner is responsible to provide own sponge and bathing facility and accouterments.

Friday, February 27, 2015

And then this happened: A follow-up (of sorts) to Wednesday's entry

Wednesday, I detailed an on line interaction that started out nasty (I'm still not sure why) and got worse (definitely don't know why). Today, I'd like to detail one that worked out quite nicely.

I would never call myself a media watchdog or anything like that. I don't pay attention to any particular news outlets on a regular basis and I'm not nearly passionate about scrutinizing everything they say and do. Sometimes, though, a thing will come to my attention that doesn't look quite right and when that happens, I'll take a minute to bring it to people's attention. It's not about nitpicking, looking for things to be upset and outraged over, it's about reacting to a situation with the hope of enforcing some minimal standards for accountability. That's how I see it anyway. Everybody should do that when the situation calls for it. There's nothing wrong with being called out from time to time. Most of us have jobs where we put up with that kind of thing in one form or another.

Here's an example: Recently, a young girl was the victim of a simply horrendous crime here in the area. Our local ABC television outlet (WFTS, Channel 28), published a cheesy-looking (my opinion) meme graphic on their Facebook page and urged their followers to show their support for the poor girl by favorite-ing it and sharing it on their individual pages. My question, posted in response on that Facebook thread, was how exactly would doing that benefit anyone... other than WFTS and their Facebook analytic stats, and ultimately their ad rates, of course. I received no answer of any kind, but I know they read it and I feel good about calling them out on their bullshit.

More recently, as in last week, a local woman was reported missing and a search was launched. On Sunday, reports came in that a car was found in a lake near her home and that a body inside matched the woman's physical description. That's when this Tweet from local NBC television outlet (WFLA, Channel 8) anchorman Rod Carter came across my timeline...

“@WFLARod: Divers on scene of a underwater vehicle recovery... Keep ya posted.”
 "Keep ya posted" struck me as lacking the appropriate gravitas the situation called for. I wasn't outraged or offended, I just thought it sounded kind of inappropriate. That's the kind of thing you say after you tell your friends you're thinking about picking up a pizza, not after cops find a body when everyone in town . So I responded with this...

Then this conversation ensued...

Isn't that nice? It kind of restores my faith in the hope that civility isn't dead. I do feel bad that I led off with a smart-ass remark, but in my defense, I was expecting either a battle, in which case I wanted to set the tone early, or a non-response, in which case I wanted it to read as a dark joke. I'm relieved that instead of either of those things, Mr. Carter agreed, acknowledged that it was somewhat inappropriate and took complete responsibility. To me, that's all you can reasonably ask of someone when they get something less-than-right. No hurt feelings. No screaming. No insults. No buck-passing. No internet muscles of any kind on display. After what happened last time, I'm actually kind of glad this happened.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Farewell, "Friend"

I had to do something the other night that I've never done before in my life... I un-Friended (and blocked) someone on Facebook.
This, like a lot of Facebook "Friends" was someone I'd never actually met in "real life", but I thought they were interesting and I respected them. Now, following a discussion that revealed a difference of opinion, I realize that they're dull, stupid, rude, obstinate, uninformed, inarticulate and ugly.
Funny how that works, isn't it?
We disagree. So now, this is you.

I don't know how this person and I ever connected in the first place. It's like trying to figure out what these keys are for.
Seriously, I have no idea
The difference being that I may find a use for the keys some day. It may sound harsh to refer to another human being that way, but it's Facebook. That's the standard, unfortunately.

What happened was this person posted a status update indicating that he's one of these people whose stance on bullying is that the whole problem could be solved if kids would just learn to get tough and stand up for themselves, That bullies respond to opposition, even if it turns out to be futile because for whatever of a million possible reasons, the other kid is just incapable of fighting back effectively, by either cowering away or by granting the kid a modicum of respect for the effort, like they operate under some kind of Code Of Honor. In my experience, that is a huge myth and it simply doesn't work that way. Bullies don't abide by honor and don't respect much of anything. They're dicks and that's what basically makes them bullies. And if they think they can impose their will on you, even if you try to fight back, they will. A kid who offers a slight challenge before eventually ending up crumpled in a heap on the playground every single time they meet is how most bullies define a good time.
Simply stated, when it comes to dealing with bullies, fighting back is not a one-size-fits-all answer for every kid in every situation.
Oh, so you remember "A Christmas Story" but not "The Shawshank Redemption"?
I don't have access to the conversation now (you know, because of the whole "blocking" thing) but I said basically that in response, expecting nothing more than a respectful debate between adults with different opinions. What I got was personal insults and profanity and questions about my own personal courage and ability to handle my affairs. I found myself wanting to respond at that level but caught myself. Why would or should I care about this person who I don't even know and their blockheaded, misinformed opinions about life and/or me? The obvious answer is I don't. So I added one final reply, something to the effect of "whatever you say, Facebook tough guy", and then hit the "Unfriend" and "Block" buttons. It was kind of unsatisfying though. Even though I'll never find out about it, I'm sure he and his like-minded blockhead "Friends" crowed about my departure as a victory over just the kind of cowards that are making this country weak and I win this argument, guddamnit. That bugs me a little. It shouldn't but it does. I can handle myself in a fight just fine (due to lessons learned from a youth spent as bigger-than-most-men with a hot temper) and I kind of want to meet him in real life and prove it to him to the extent where he either walks funny for the rest of his life, or one of his eyeballs doesn't operate correctly anymore or both. I shouldn't but I really kind of do. Okay, it bugs me a lot. That's not a good way to react to the stupid antics of somebody stupid...somebody whom, once again, I DON'T EVEN REALLY KNOW...so ultimately, I'm pleased with taking the action that I did. Still burns a little, though.
The end result is I'm left wondering why I was ever "Friends" with somebody like that to start with and what do I really know about many of the other people with whom I'm similarly linked on Facebook now.

Schedule change!


Heads up, no show on Thursday at Cafe Hey. Actually, there is, but I won't be there and that was a really arrogant way to word that announcement.
You should go anyway. It's a nice place filled with really nice people.
As for me, well, I will be doing something else. I may or may not be able to share that later. Stay tuned. Or not.
Still on for tonight at Felicitous Coffee & Tea House out by USF though.

And a major Thank You to those who came out last night (Tuesday) to the Double Decker. It was really nice to see people I know in the audience. I should have probably led off with that expression of gratitude, huh?
God, what a jerk.

Monday, February 23, 2015

This week's stand-up comedy schedule


Okay, nobody should be able to complain about a lack of advance notice THIS time.
Here are the open mics I plan/hope to hit this week...


"Leg Up, Stand Up"
Tuesday, Feb 24, some time after 8PM
1721 E. 7th Avenue (Ybor City)

PRO TIP: If you like to sing, stick around after the comedy for karaoke!



"Nite Owl Comedy Open Mic"
Wednesday, Feb 25, some time after 8:45PM
11706 North 51st Street (Tampa, near USF)

PRO TIP: I've never been here before so I don't know what to tell you. Sorry. It looks cute though, doesn't it?



"Hey Open Mic @ Cafe Hey"
Thursday, Feb 26, some time after 7PM
1540 N. Franklin (Tampa, downtown)

PRO TIP: Coffee is served on big mugs so drink fast if you don't want cold coffee. They do have smaller mugs, though, and I suppose you could ask for one of those instead. I'm not smart.

Don't forget the caveats...

  • These are open mics. It's not like I'm a headliner or a featured act. In fact, there's no guarantee that I'll even make it on stage on a given night.
  • These are open mics. In many cases, people are working on untested, raw material. Others are inexperienced performers looking for an opportunity to rehearse. And some people are both of those things. As such, the perceived quality of the performances from an audience expecting a polished, show-bizzy "show", may will vary wildly.  
  • These are open mics, and they're live performances by live performers*. There's no way of predicting what will (or won't) happen.
  • Also (this is a new one that I should have mentioned previously), keep in mind I'm working on something here. As a result, if you plan to show up at all three appearances, you should expect to hear the same bits three times. As much as I'd love to see you there (you smell nice and are squishy in all the right places), it might get old for you.
A SPECIAL OFFER FOR SHUT-INS AND OUTLIERS...
Has this ever happened to you? You want to hear me run my yapper and attempt to be entertaining and humorous, but -OH NO!- you're afraid to leave your home or you live all the way out in Dayton, Ohio.
"GodDAMNit, mom! Are you ever going to stop ruining our lives with your inability to pour soft drinks?!?"
 
Can't somebody offer a simple, easy-to-use alternative? YES! And it's called "The Spike On The Mic Show" and it's on your computer! Simply tune in live to http://www.spikeonthemic.com on Mondays at 7PM Eastern and set your ears to "Listen". That's it! No muss, no fuss, no clean-up, no divorce and no years and years of exhaustive therapy.

Friday, February 20, 2015

Nothing's funnier that existential angst!


Remember the funny pages in the Sunday newspaper? Many of you might not even remember newspapers so probably not. Hell, I sure don't. But believe me anyway when I tell you that there used to be a whole section of the paper once a week that consisted of nothing but comic strips. Newspapers are dying but the comic strips survive. How? By evolving (in most cases, without the author's direct participation or even permission) to reflect the ever-devolving, twisted Hellscape that has come to define our daily existence by altering either the captions or the artwork of established, mainstream comic strips to depict something hilariously darker than what was originally intended.

The roots of this whole movement probably started with the audience-participatory and now-defunct "The Dysfunctional Family Circus"
Why do you have scalpels in the silverware drawer?


"The Family Circus", with it's saccharine take on suburban family life as it existed in the early 60s (if ever, at all) remains ripe for parody, as evidenced by the existence of "The Nietzche Family Circus"
A little poison now and then: that makes for agreeable dreams.

...and also "Time Is A Flat Circus"


Everybody loves the Monday-hating, lasagna-loving, over-merchandised, blight-on-Bill-Murray's-resume Garfield! Except those who don't. "Garfield Minus Garfield" is perfect for them.



A new entry is the insufferable single gal Cathy, now infused with sardonic musings of Louis CK in "Cathy CK"


Of course, if you like seeing all kinds of comic strips in their natural state being ripped to shreds by genial misanthropes, I highly recommend "The Comics Curmudgeon", the blog that inspired me to start this one!
'Wow, Mark really cares about whelk purity. “Hey Mark, look what I found on the beach!” “That’s not a true whelk, Rusty!” [slaps it out of his hand and into the sea]'