Wednesday, April 19, 2017

A moral, ethical and religious dilemma

I still have the truck I bought a few years ago and it still has this on it:
As was the case then, it's not intended to be any kind of great theological statement on my behalf; I just like dinosaurs and think it's funny. I can see why somebody might take offense and all I can say is that's not the intent. Sorry, but your right to be bothered by it doesn't negate my right to think it's funny. Kind of a First Amendment deal, I guess.
My advice would be don't take it that seriously because I don't.

Flash forward to last Thursday and found this note on my window:
I guess she doesn't know I'm an ordained minister
It says...
"Hello : )
I saw your dino & fish on your truck
God is real
God is good
God loves you & I'm praying for you"
And there was a $10 bill attached! In case this has never happened to you, $10 goes a long way toward alleviating any hard feelings about a stranger violating your personal space to impose their personal religious views. $10 is real money! That's a meal (at a restaurant with a value menu) or a tank of gas (if your tank is smaller than what's typically the standard found on most four-wheeled vehicles)! Am I saying my spirituality has a price? No. But if it does, the bidding starts at $10.

So here's my dilemma: Am I obligated to remove the dinosaur, because she felt so strongly about it and I kept the $10? I seriously considered donating it to a good cause. But ultimately, I didn't do it.
Do I leave it and start parking near churches to see if I can cash in off of similarly-offended individuals? I'll seriously consider donating the proceeds, but ultimately, I won't do it.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

My new "Friend"

Are you on Facebook? I am! Of course you are and so am I. Everybody is on Facebook!
Do you wanna be "Friends"? Let's be "Friends"!
This person wants to be my "Friend":
She seems nice, doesn't she? My first observation is that her name is odd. Like she's listing herself in the phone book. Do you remember phone books? They still make them, every year! The latest edition was thrown into my yard. They couldn't even be bothered to drop it on my porch. Just threw it into the yard. Even the people who distribute the phone book don't give a shit about the phone book.
Back to this "Friend" request. I'm going to assume that she likes basketball. Basketball isn't my favorite sport, but I like it. Basketball is nice. I shared this with a friend that I actually know in real life and he said this means she likes black guys. I told him that was an unfair assumption based entirely on stereotypes and speculation. He's probably right, though.

She may not be a real person, though. I mean, those pictures are of a real person but this Facebook profile could be fabricated by someone with intent to commit fraud or some other nefarious act. We need to do some investigation here.

Let's look at her photos (there are only two of them):
Wow. Okay.

How about some of her other "Friends". We don't have any on common, which could be a huge red flag:
Speaking of stereotypes and speculation, while these might all be fine upstanding gentlemen, it's very easy for me to visualize every one of them sitting in their car in a Hooters parking lot after closing time.

All right, let's take a look at her latest status update, for the sake of not only seeing what's going on in her life but also her communication skills (vocabulary, grasp of language etc.):
Okay, obviously this is totally legit! Nice to meet you, Porter. My new "Friend"!

Wednesday, April 05, 2017

Read all about it

Everybody has a self-indulgent lotto-winning fantasy, something totally stupid they would blow money on if they could suddenly afford to do so. Mine would be to publish a magazine. Getting into the print publishing business at all at this point in the 21st century is a foolish idea alone, but I would be producing a magazine absolutely guaranteed to fail.
It would be a weekly titled "None of Your Goddamn Business" and it would have exactly the same story subjects and headlines as "People", but every article would say exactly the same thing. Can you guess what that would be?
  • Scary Mommy Blogger; "My Husband Is Gay" - That is none of your goddamn business.
  • Brad's Life Now: How He and Angelina Finally Made Peace - Make peace with the fact that it's none of your goddamn business.
  • Will and Kate's Weekend in Paris - Oo la la, that is none of your, 'ow you say, goddamn business.
  • Exclusive: Savannah Guthrie's Baby Boy 'I Feel So Lucky' - I feel so none of your goddamn business.
  • And the big cover story: What Happened To Richard Simmons? - What happened to him is none of your goddamn business.
This would be on behalf of those of us who think people should have better things to do than worry about celebrities to the point of violating their privacy. And not from a telling-people-what-to-do-when-it-comes-to-harmlessly-spending-their-leisure-time standpoint, but from a leave-people-alone-because-gawking-at-them-like-zoo-animals-isn't-harmless vantage.
I might launch a somewhat more edgy sister publication that would be very similar titled "Who Gives A Shit?" magazine. You can probably guess what the format for that would look like.

I know these magazines would fail because the people at whom the messages would be aimed would never, ever buy a single copy. And there's obviously no reason for anybody else to ever pick one up. So, no sales means no advertising sales, so it's an enterprise doomed from the start. But what the heck, it would employ people for a little while so maybe not a totally self-indulgent waste of time and money.