Wednesday, May 24, 2017

I guess she would know

Tomi Lahren in March, reacting to losing her job on the "The Blaze" TV show after making remarks claiming she was pro-choice...



Tomi Lahren on Sunday, reacting to University of Notre Dame graduates walking out in protest of vice-president Mike Pence delivering Saturday's commencement speech...

For some people, the only thing more difficult to grasp than a snowflake is the concept of irony.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Faith in humanity re-restored...unfortunately


One night last week, I was feeling a little down about the state of humanity. It's something I go through from time to time and it seems harder and harder to feel good about lately. Granted, it could be my fault for having unfairly high standards for people, which sets me up for inevitable disappointment. I just think that we (people) can usually do better, just in general, in our day-to-day lives and how we interact with one another, and it bothers me when we (people) don't even make a half-assed attempt to do so.
Thankfully, when I was just about at my lowest ebb, somebody shared this article:
"28 People Who Are Too Good And Too Pure For This World"


There were some truly heartwarming stories in there and it worked! I felt much better!
And then I made the terrible mistake of going back to regular Facebook, where the very first status update I saw was this...
"We went to eat yesterday and I ordered nachos.... they came with no cheese on them... I had to ask the guy for cheese... so it came back with cheese on it that wasn't even melted. That is wrong...so wrong. If you have never had nachos, you shouldn't be in the kitchen trying to make them."
Well, so much for that. From people doing beautiful, creative, compassionate things to somebody bitching at length about the injustice and resultant trauma they suffered because of poorly applied cheese on their fucking nachos in .5 seconds.

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Let me show you something...

I haven't plugged anything in a while. Hasn't that been nice and refreshing?
It ends, here and now.

I need to share with you the following, for the sake of you knowing about it and taking the appropriate action...

I will be hosting at Side Splitters Comedy Club in Tampa this weekend (beginning Thursday) for Bobby Jewell and Tommy Blaze. That means I will be telling jokes, then talking about what kind of booze juice is on sale, what terrific shows are coming up soon and then introducing Mr. Jewell (who owns the place and apparently thinks highly enough to keep bringing me back for work) and then Mr. Blaze. Everyone will have a lovely evening and after the show ends, we will all adjourn to the lobby to meet, perchance to greet.
Sound good? Heck yeah!
This is kind of exactly what I will look like while doing this.
Tommy Blaze
with Bobby Jewell
and your host ME

Thursday, May 18 - 8:30 PM
Friday, May 19 - 8:00 PM
Saturday, May 20 - 6:00 PM, 8:00 PM and 10:30 PM
Sunday, May 21 - 7:00 PM


Side Splitters Comedy Club

12938 North Dale Mabry Highway
Tampa, FL 33618
(813) 960-1197

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

The Akron Adventure

A few weeks ago, my friend Jeremy Gloff brought an event taking place in Akron, Ohio, to my attention: "Let's go crazy: Prince tribute party featuring Jill Jones from Purple Rain."

"Vasquezdiva productions presents the second annual tribute party. Starring the one and only Jill Jones from Purple Rain and Graffiti Bridge. Also live onstage, Detroit based Prince Impersonator Sir Walt and nationally known drag artist Danyel Vasquez. DJ John Hummell will be playing the best of Prince, Jill Jones, The Time, Vanity 6, Apollonia 6, Taja Seville, Wendy and Lisa, Maserati, The Family and more! Purple Drink specials. Purple giveaways all night long.
Group discount hotel rates at THE RED ROOF INN at 2939 S Arlington Rd Akron Ohio. Mention Promo code 655568 Interbelt prince party. Rooms discounts available Friday and Saturday May 5th and 6th
There will be a meet n greet as well with Jill Jones, Sir Walt and Danyel Vasquez
Admission at the door. No pre sale. Doors open at 9pm. This is not put on my the Interbelt but by myself, a private promoter. There is no guest list. Thank you in advance.
The Interbelt is s state of the art nightclub. Two huge dance floors. Plasma screens. VIP section ! 30 years strong. Legendary.
Any questions feel free to contact Danyel Vasquez on Facebook.
It's going to be a beautiful night ! 💜💜💜💜"
In case you think you don't know who Jill Jones is, you're probably wrong. The top picture is her (on the left) in the "1999" video and the bottom picture is her as a cocktail waitress in a scene from the film "Purple Rain"
Having been a Prince fan for years, I was aware of Jill and became a huge fan when she put out her first album back in 1987.
This one
It was never promoted properly (or really, at all) so it never had a chance to become a hit, but it received critical praise and I loved it to the point of wearing out a few cassettes in my car that summer. It's long out-of-print but remains one of the most sought-after Paisley Park releases by collectors.
Years later, on MySpace (remember MySpace?), I sent her a note and she replied. Over the years, we have kept in touch via social media (we've been Friends on Facebook for a long time and she sent a really nice, personal note when my mom died) but we'd never met in person.

Back to the present and the only part of this whole story that is in dispute: Jeremy claims it was my idea, although I think he's mistaken and that it was his, but we ran into each other at an open mic and one of us said, "We should go to this!" and the other one said, "Good idea!!" We decided to go up just for the event and not waste money on a hotel by flying back immediately afterward.


We flew into Akron on Saturday afternoon, where we were met by Jeremy's buddy J.J. Vicars, a fellow musician. Jeremy and J.J. were Facebook friends but had never met in person, so this was already a pretty big deal for both of them. As for me, I was going with the flow with minimum expectations. I just wanted to have a nice time on this mini-vacation, see Jill perform and maybe get a chance to say hi and get a picture with her. Anything beyond that would be a bonus. As it turns out, the entire trip was a bonus.

J.J. insisted on taking us to the best place around for dinner so we scooped up his friend Cameron and went to George's Lounge in nearby Canton.

George's is locally renowned for music and J.J. plays there frequently so he was warmly welcomed, as were we since we were his guests. George's is the kind of tiny hole-in-the-wall, live-music place with really good food that you find in almost every town worth visiting.
Cameron, Jeremy, me and J.J. George's tiny stage is behind us. I can just imagine what it must be like when the place is rockin'.

Our server recommended "The John Wayne" and it was the best burger I've had in a very long time...
BBQ sauce, ranch dressing, lettuce, onions, cheese and an onion ring
We shot the breeze and had some laughs. Jeremy and J.J. both know Jill personally and have spent time with her and played music on multiple occasions. So at one point, somebody reached her via text (she and I hadn't exchanged phone numbers...yet) and let her know we were in town, to which she replied, "Come on over to the hotel and we'll hang out". We drove back up to Akron and met Jill at her hotel where she greeted me with a big hug. The trip was already far exceeding my expectations. Jill told some stories about her time with Prince and it was like sitting around a camp fire. I saw Cameron, Jeremy and J.J. move closer to her when she was talking. Being as I was far from the coolest person in the room, I'm sure I did the same thing.
She's very down to earth and a straight shooter so between that and having a history of correspondence, I immediately felt very comfortable around her. It was like chatting with someone you've known for a very long time, even though we had just officially "met". Lots of back and forth and plenty of laughter all around. I had no reason to think she'd be anything else, but you never know when you actually meet someone in "real life". What if she had turned out to be a weirdo? What if I did?? It could have happened! But it didn't.

At some point, Jill mentioned, "You know, I didn't rent a car and I don't even know how I'm supposed to get to the club later." Jeremy came to the rescue by announcing that we had rented a nice, clean car at the airport and would be more than happy to drive her. Suddenly, we were her transportation and security detail. J.J. and Cameron said they would meet us there later.
Jeremy wanted to torture her by subjecting her to Carpool Karaoke with her own music, but thankfully, the car didn't come equipped with a CD player.

We started heading over to the Interbelt around 10 (Jill was scheduled to perform at midnight). Like most Midwestern towns, I presume the streets of Akron must have taken a beating during the winter and were under repair as soon as the spring weather was nice enough for crews to get out and work on them. As such, there were construction detours all over the place. Plus, it rained the entire time we were there, so finding our way to the club was a considerable challenge. At one point, the GPS on my phone had us 800 feet from the place as we were looking directly at a fully barricaded road in front of us. I don't know who owns the traffic barricade business in Akron, but they are doing VERY well for themselves. I expected my phone to say "Well, I don't now what to tell you" and just turn itself off in frustration. We drove through some parking lots, up and down some crazy hills and eventually found it.
We wanted to pull up close to the front door so Jill didn't have to walk far in the rain. We had planned to drop her off, then go park. The club itself was surrounded by big orange barrels so I got out of the car to move one (fully intending to put it back once we dropped her off) and a really angry security guard came over to yell at me. I think he was having a bad day because he was already really pissed off. We, all three of us, tried to explain the situation, that we had the headliner for the show and needed to get her as close to the front door as possible because it's dark and raining and this is pretty much a construction site. He angrily replied, "No, you DO NOT have the headliner with you! Prince is already inside! He's been here for over half an hour!" We all looked at each other. Without going into detail why what he was saying was simply impossible ("I don't know where you've been for the last year, but I promise you Prince is not in there"), we tried to assure him that Jill was, in fact, the headliner. He wasn't having it, but since he wasn't actually a cop or anybody with real authority (or weapons), he finally gave in and let us pull right up to the front door and park, angrily muttering, "this is b*llsh*t, this is b*llsh*t" the whole time. We had been willing to park much farther away, so in a way, I guess you could say he was actually very helpful. I feel bad because I'm pretty sure he's the only person there that didn't have a good time. I should have brought a beer out to him. And a newspaper. Oh well.

We walked in with Jill and were met by Danyel Vasquez, the event promoter and organizer.
Danyel Vasquez and me.

She escorted us upstairs to the dressing room which is the old projection booth from when the Interbelt was the Ritz theater, which originally opened in 1942 to cater to Akron's black movie patrons.
Jill, Prince impersonator Sir Walt and Danyel Vasquez, primping prior to the show
The Interbelt is listed as a "gay club", but I'm pretty sure this wasn't a strictly gay event. All I saw were Prince people, all genders, all ages, all orientations, as detailed in Prince's song "Uptown":

"As soon as we got there good times were rolling
White, Black, Puerto Rican, everybody just a-freakin'
Good times were rolling"

I don't remember who it was, but after Prince died, somebody was quoted as saying something to the effect of "nobody ever went to a Prince concert, looked around and said 'I don't belong here'" and that is 100% accurate and it also applies to any gathering of his people. Whatever the make-up of the crowd, everybody there was very hospitable. Jeremy and I felt like visiting dignitaries. Everybody we encountered was really nice, really friendly and really fun. And throughout all of it, Jill herself could not have been more gracious.

Jeremy and I were both pressed into service; Danyel was talked into performing one of Jill's songs ("Mia Bocca") at the last second, so Jeremy assumed temporary Emcee duties to introduce her. Jill said it was the first time she'd been present when a drag queen performed one of her songs, so it was a historic moment.
Meanwhile, I was put in charge for the post-show autograph session, meeting Jill with a bottle of water after her performance and helping people take pictures and move through the line.
Years of experience in the sports and entertainment industry pays off!
I felt like we earned our keep!


Here are some more pictures...
The dance floor at The Interbelt, as seen from the VIP booth. Oh, I forgot to mention that we were in the VIP booth with Jill. Oops.
Jeremy and Jill dancing in the VIP booth. She's clearly amused by his antics, which is understandable as most people are amused by Jeremy's antics.

Jill with a copy of her first album that J.J. Vicars acquired while he was in Japan.
Me with a big, dumb smile on my face because I was sitting next to Jill Jones, singing along with Jill Jones to songs that Jill Jones sang on! Remember, my expectations going into this were low and manageable. She tried to Facebook Live a lot of this but the videos were all taken down almost instantly due to "copyright violations", which is equal parts bizarre, sad and hilarious.
Of all her songs, my all-time favorite remains "For Love" which is on side 2 of her first album. I had no reason to think it would be one of the songs she'd perform. She closed with it!

Post show

J.J., Danyel, Cameron, Jill, me and Jeremy at the end of the night. And yes, Jeremy was representing on behalf of Cappy's Pizza.

Me and Jill
Jeremy and I ended up back at Jill's hotel room for more chatter and laughs until about 3:30 in the morning before exchanging farewells and heading to the airport. By the time I finally crashed into a bed on Sunday afternoon, I had been awake for 37 straight hours. 

23-year-old me can't wait to do something like that again. 53-year-old me says something like that can never happen again. 23-year-old me is pretty persuasive though... 

Wednesday, May 03, 2017

Possum paradigm

Thank you for your service!
Lately, for whatever reason, I've been coming across news and facts about possums (or Opossums, if you're fancy). I don't know why that is. Maybe the possums have retained a new press agent. If so, that person is doing a top-notch job on behalf of their new clients. At any rate, it's been interesting learning about these critters. Such as:
"Opossums eat fruits, snakes (opossums are immune to all types of snake venom, except that of the coral snake), insects, snails, slugs, eggs, mice, rats, fish, frogs, crayfish, and carrion. If for no other reason than pest control, opossums are great to have around! In urban settings, an opossum will eat pet food, bird seed, and garbage; this animal forages constantly because it has no food caches like squirrels, and it carries little stored body fat."
As a homeowner, that sounds pretty great to me! I think I'd like to have some possum protection from varmints like snakes and rats. I mentioned this to someone and they asked, "how many snakes and rats do you have where that would be necessary?" None, that I know of. And I'd like to keep it that way. This would be a preemptive strike.

I see possums scurrying around sometimes when I come home late at night, but I'm not sure they're hanging out on my property. I want to change that. I want to make friends with the possums in my neighborhood. I'd like my home to be sort of a community gathering place for the local hoi possum polloi. Not as pets, mind you. I don't want them to live in my house, where I give them names and make them wear tiny hats and sweaters. I just want them to feel welcome to hang out in my yard and just do what they normally do. They can go under my house and have babies, eat trash and police the would-be vermin, things they're inclined to do on their own anyway. In exchange, I wouldn't run over them with my truck, chase them around, or screw with them in any way whatsoever, for that matter. I would even put out some nice snacks now and then as a token of my appreciation.

With that intent, I left something delicious for them to eat on my front porch; this apple:

That's a good looking apple, don't you think? I thought so. To be even more accommodating, I chopped it up into nice, bite-sized chunks:

I thought they'd come running to devour this bounty of sweet, juicy soluble and insoluble pectins, and also vitamin C...

Nope.
I guess the possums just aren't into it.

Friday, April 28, 2017

"Don't Let This Happen To You!"

Have you ever seen a dolphin swimming freely in the wild and thought,
"Man, fuck that fish"?
I never have but maybe you're a sociopath and/or you work for SeaWorld.

If that's the case and you need a plumber, there's only one service I can recommend:

Chris's Plumbing Service
"A local plumbing company has put in a permit request to Hillsborough County to dump up to 50,000 gallons of human waste a day on property near the Little Manatee River." - WFLA.com
Not just any local plumbing company, Chris's Plumbing Service!
"Chris’s Plumbing removes waste from septic tanks and portable bathrooms. The permit would allow them to spread the waste on an 80 acre parcel of land, just south of State Road 674."
Wow! That sure is a lot of shit!

Dictionary.com defines "toxic waste" as:
"A general term used to refer to chemical compounds produced by industry which, if they are ingested or breathed in by humans, can cause physiological damage. The disposal of toxic wastes is a major environmental problem in the United States."
Another way to define toxic waste is "human waste products and restaurant grease dumped in an area where there's a pretty high likelihood of it running off into the area where you live." If you disagree with that definition, ask yourself this question: exactly how much human waste and restaurant grease would you tolerate running off into the area where you live before you called it toxic waste?"
"We would like zero human waste and restaurant grease, please"
Shut up, smart and friendly sharks. That was a rhetorical question and it wasn't for you.

If you want to talk shit with Chris's Plumbing Service and how poisoning dolphins (and snook, redfish, blue crabs, tarpon, diamondback terrapins, seahorses, otters, manatees and human beings) will save them lots of money, which they will almost certainly pass along to you, the handful of surviving customers, give 'em a call at
(813) 623-6380
Or contact them at their office located at
6404 US Hwy 301 South
Riverview, FL 33569
Or their web site at
http://chrissplumbing.com/

What fun!
Hey, here's more people you can talk to about it, specifically the people who will be voting on the matter:
Stacy White - whites@hillsboroughcounty.org
Sandy Murman - murmans@hillsboroughcounty.org
Al Higginbotham - higginbothama@hillsboroughcounty.org
Ken Hagan - hagank@hillsboroughcounty.org
Victor Crist - cristv@hillsboroughcounty.org
Les Miller - millerlj@hillsboroughcounty.org
Pat Kemp - kempp@hillsboroughcounty.org

You can also reach these people on the phone by calling (813) 272-5660 

Be sure to reference “Special Use permit application SU 17-0510, by Chris’s Plumbing Services, inc.”


Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Outrage, for recreational purposes

She's going to pay for this
If you think the general level of stress and anger is more highly elevated than it used to be, you're 100% right.
I have no scientific evidence to back that up, nor any idea how you would even compile that data, but it sure feels that way. So yeah.
We're less patient and there are more things that annoy us and that's a dangerous equation. Road rage is just something we live with now. Along with "to avoid an accident, please use your signal to indicate your intention to turn", we now have "to avoid being shot in the face, please don't flip off the guy who almost sideswiped you because he was texting" as a standard safety tip. People are acting up on airplanes. Fast food workers are too busy capturing murderers to do their job of getting our orders wrong. Starbucks is forcing us under threat of legal prosecution to buy Technicolor-flavored glop. Everybody wants all of our money. These things are the unavoidable nonsense we face in the course of normal daily life.
Which makes it harder to understand the mindsets of people who go out of their way to immerse themselves in it.

For instance, my friend Walt was at the store the other day and his car was damaged in the parking lot. Here's his account of that from Facebook:


Sucks, right? Sure it does. Here's a comment on it from somebody else (I've edited the name, and I'm immature):


First of all, Publix baggers DO offer to take your groceries out for you. I don't know which one this guy shops at, but I hit four different ones on a fairly regular basis and they make that offer every single time.
Secondly, that's his "biggest pet peeve ever"? Ever? In all of his life, nothing bothers him more than inattentive grocery baggers? Sorry, pal. But based on my experience with Publix, your "biggest pet peeve ever" is rooted in falsehood, but congrats on somehow avoiding actual, serious things to worry about.
Third, where does somebody get off criticizing someone else for being lazy because they aren't there to carry their groceries?


Okay, now this is simply absurd. There's no way this guy bags his own groceries "most of the time". Once in a while, maybe when the baggers are outside retrieving shopping carts, I can see that possibly happening. But the situation as stated here, is outright bullshit.

Meanwhile, Walt himself chimed in again:

Seems like Walt, as the actual victim of the accident, is okay with how it all shook out. Again, it sucks, but it's being dealt with and there's noting to be gained from freaking out over it. Walt is resigned to accepting it as something unfortunate that happened without malicious intent on someone else's part.
However, Jack, who has no stake in the matter, has a problem with that:


Well, there you go. Based on what the person drives, Jack has decided (among other things, apparently) that she's a menace.
Anybody else think Jack is waaaaay too heavily invested in this? He's either already wired so tight that everything sets him off and he's one middle finger from shooting someone in the face during rush hour OR he's not sufficiently outraged enough by all the aggravating nonsense that we already have to deal with, so he has to seek out more of it just for something to do.

Jack's out there and that frightens me a little bit.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

A moral, ethical and religious dilemma

I still have the truck I bought a few years ago and it still has this on it:
As was the case then, it's not intended to be any kind of great theological statement on my behalf; I just like dinosaurs and think it's funny. I can see why somebody might take offense and all I can say is that's not the intent. Sorry, but your right to be bothered by it doesn't negate my right to think it's funny. Kind of a First Amendment deal, I guess.
My advice would be don't take it that seriously because I don't.

Flash forward to last Thursday and found this note on my window:
I guess she doesn't know I'm an ordained minister
It says...
"Hello : )
I saw your dino & fish on your truck
God is real
God is good
God loves you & I'm praying for you"
And there was a $10 bill attached! In case this has never happened to you, $10 goes a long way toward alleviating any hard feelings about a stranger violating your personal space to impose their personal religious views. $10 is real money! That's a meal (at a restaurant with a value menu) or a tank of gas (if your tank is smaller than what's typically the standard found on most four-wheeled vehicles)! Am I saying my spirituality has a price? No. But if it does, the bidding starts at $10.

So here's my dilemma: Am I obligated to remove the dinosaur, because she felt so strongly about it and I kept the $10? I seriously considered donating it to a good cause. But ultimately, I didn't do it.
-or-
Do I leave it and start parking near churches to see if I can cash in off of similarly-offended individuals? I'll seriously consider donating the proceeds, but ultimately, I won't do it.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

My new "Friend"

Are you on Facebook? I am! Of course you are and so am I. Everybody is on Facebook!
Do you wanna be "Friends"? Let's be "Friends"!
This person wants to be my "Friend":
She seems nice, doesn't she? My first observation is that her name is odd. Like she's listing herself in the phone book. Do you remember phone books? They still make them, every year! The latest edition was thrown into my yard. They couldn't even be bothered to drop it on my porch. Just threw it into the yard. Even the people who distribute the phone book don't give a shit about the phone book.
Back to this "Friend" request. I'm going to assume that she likes basketball. Basketball isn't my favorite sport, but I like it. Basketball is nice. I shared this with a friend that I actually know in real life and he said this means she likes black guys. I told him that was an unfair assumption based entirely on stereotypes and speculation. He's probably right, though.

She may not be a real person, though. I mean, those pictures are of a real person but this Facebook profile could be fabricated by someone with intent to commit fraud or some other nefarious act. We need to do some investigation here.

Let's look at her photos (there are only two of them):
Wow. Okay.

How about some of her other "Friends". We don't have any on common, which could be a huge red flag:
Hmm.
Speaking of stereotypes and speculation, while these might all be fine upstanding gentlemen, it's very easy for me to visualize every one of them sitting in their car in a Hooters parking lot after closing time.

All right, let's take a look at her latest status update, for the sake of not only seeing what's going on in her life but also her communication skills (vocabulary, grasp of language etc.):
Okay, obviously this is totally legit! Nice to meet you, Porter. My new "Friend"!

Wednesday, April 05, 2017

Read all about it

Everybody has a self-indulgent lotto-winning fantasy, something totally stupid they would blow money on if they could suddenly afford to do so. Mine would be to publish a magazine. Getting into the print publishing business at all at this point in the 21st century is a foolish idea alone, but I would be producing a magazine absolutely guaranteed to fail.
It would be a weekly titled "None of Your Goddamn Business" and it would have exactly the same story subjects and headlines as "People", but every article would say exactly the same thing. Can you guess what that would be?
  • Scary Mommy Blogger; "My Husband Is Gay" - That is none of your goddamn business.
  • Brad's Life Now: How He and Angelina Finally Made Peace - Make peace with the fact that it's none of your goddamn business.
  • Will and Kate's Weekend in Paris - Oo la la, that is none of your, 'ow you say, goddamn business.
  • Exclusive: Savannah Guthrie's Baby Boy 'I Feel So Lucky' - I feel so none of your goddamn business.
  • And the big cover story: What Happened To Richard Simmons? - What happened to him is none of your goddamn business.
This would be on behalf of those of us who think people should have better things to do than worry about celebrities to the point of violating their privacy. And not from a telling-people-what-to-do-when-it-comes-to-harmlessly-spending-their-leisure-time standpoint, but from a leave-people-alone-because-gawking-at-them-like-zoo-animals-isn't-harmless vantage.
 
I might launch a somewhat more edgy sister publication that would be very similar titled "Who Gives A Shit?" magazine. You can probably guess what the format for that would look like.

I know these magazines would fail because the people at whom the messages would be aimed would never, ever buy a single copy. And there's obviously no reason for anybody else to ever pick one up. So, no sales means no advertising sales, so it's an enterprise doomed from the start. But what the heck, it would employ people for a little while so maybe not a totally self-indulgent waste of time and money.

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Memes suck

Memes suck for lots of reasons. The main being that most of them just aren't that clever or funny.

That's literally a list of things I need to pick up at the store on a picture of Willy Wonka, but there are people who will laugh at that just as a conditioned response. Because for some reason, some people have come to believe that words + a picture of Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka = Hilarious. I don't see it, but whatever. Humor is subjective and to each their own.

Worse are the ones that are conceptually and/or factually inaccurate. Like this one:
I get it. Of course I get it. It's an allegory, in which dogs represent men and how absurd it is that they're in positions of power when it comes to making decisions and setting policies for cats (women) and their healthcare. Where it falls down is that these are dogs. Dogs are compassionate, loyal and selfless. They are certainly not analogous to the male bureaucrats this meme is attempting to skewer. I'm not a woman and therefor unqualified to speak on their behalf, but I actually can't think of anybody who wouldn't benefit from these dogs looking after their healthcare. Look at them! So attentive. So eager to please. They want nothing more than the opportunity to make you happy. What other "public servants" can you say that about? Rex and Jingles even brought note pads! These are good boys!
See? This meme sucks.

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Do what Renee say!

Hi there. My friend Renee Warmack recently wrote these very nice words about me on Facebook...

"I firmly believe in encouraging others and asking for support when I need it.Thus, here's a shoutout to my dear friend and gifted writer/comedian Clark Brooks:He is OFTEN hosting at Sidesplitters and doing his thing all over Tampa Bay (see his gigs here):http://www.clarkbrooks.com/events.htmlWords can't express how proud I am of him and how much I appreciate his love and support.As artists, we have to grind out each day at a time and stay true to our craft, amid obstacles.Clark embodies this and inspires me all the time through his example.Go see him tell jokes! He will make you forget about the baby giraffe and help you enjoy life!"
While I don't want you to forget about the baby giraffe (NEVER forget about the baby giraffe!!), I do want you to follow her advice (she generally has very good judgment on things) and come see me tell jokes, when you get a chance.

What do you know, here's your chance! I'm hosting for a couple of different headlining comedians at Side Splitters Comedy Club in Tampa again this weekend! Here's the schedule:


  • Thursday, March 30, 8:30 PM - Vic DiBitetto
  • Friday, March 31, 8 PM - Vic DiBitetto
  • Friday, March 31, 10:30 PM - Ken Miller
  • * Saturday, April 1, (4:30 PM) 6 PM - Ken Miller, special benefit performance (see below)
  • Saturday, April 1, 8 PM - Vic DiBitetto
  • Saturday, April 1, 10:30 PM - Vic DiBitetto
  • Sunday, April 2, 7 PM - Ken Miller
ABOUT THE HEADLINERS

"An incredibly powerful performer, comedian Vic DiBitetto churns energy, honesty and humanity into nonstop laughter. His pace is frenetic. His material vivid and true. He’s been called a cross between Rodney Dangerfield and Ralph Kramden. The bottom line is, DiBitetto leaves his audiences breathless with laughter.
Referred to by most other comics as a “killer”, it means you just can’t follow Vic onstage. And that has been uttered by many very famous stand-ups over the years... Vic has appeared on television's America's Funniest People (ABC) where he was a $10,000 Grand Prize winner as well as Stand-Up Spotlight (VH1) and Last Laugh at Pips and acted in a pilot with Woody Allen and Danny Aiello. In addition, he has warmed-up hundreds of audiences for hit shows such as Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and The Ricki Lake Show.
Vic has performed at many of the nation's best comedy venues such as New York City's Dangerfield's, Los Angeles' Laugh Factory, Las Vegas' Riviera Hotel, Resorts World Casino and Atlantic City's Borgata Hotel. His schedule is relentless and he is booked thru 2015 at every comedy venue imaginable in the New York Tri-State area. A Pay Per View special and major US Tour are in current discussions." - https://vicdibitetto.net/home


"Ken Miller is just PLAIN OL'FUNNY. In just a few short years he has stormed thru the ranks of comedy. From mcing, featuring to headlining. He has become one of the funniest comics in the state of Florida. He was the 2009 Comedy Central South Beach Comedy Festival winner beating out 88 other comics. After finishing 2nd two years in a row, he finally won the 2013 Florida’s Funniest Comedy Competition beating out over 200 comics. He was chosen to compete/perform in the 2011 Laughing Skull Comedy Festival/Competition in Atlanta, GA, World Series of Comedy in Las Vegas in 2012 and The Great American comedy festival in 2013. Ken was recently seen on NICKMOMs, MOMS NIGHT OUT on NICKJR." - http://www.kenmillerthecomic.com





* The 6 PM show on Saturday is a fundraising benefit for the Wiregrass Ranch High School baseball team (I think I might be the official comedian of Wiregrass Ranch High School), with a portion of all tickets sold going to that program. There will be activities in the lounge beginning at 4:30 with the show starting at 6.

Tickets for all of these shows are on sale now and everything happens at
Side Splitters Comedy Club
12938 North Dale Mabry in Tampa
(813) 960-1197