Wednesday, February 23, 2011

My Son, The "Lawyer"

The Florida Bar Exam is taking place in Tampa this week and people from all over the country are in town to take it. Many of them are taking it for the second, third, fourth or more times. Apparently, and this is VERY hard to believe, Florida's Bar exam is considerably tougher than most other states. Considering the nonsense that takes place in our courts, I would have thought trial lawyer certification here was only slightly more difficult to attain than level 50 in FarmVille.
At any rate, having come across so many people who have tried multiple times to pass the Florida Bar has given me an idea for a new sitcom.
Check it out...

(Cue bouncy, upbeat theme music)






 TONY enters to AUDIENCE applause from stage left:

(singing) "What a beautiful day, everything's going my way, hey hey hey, I feel okay and I'm glad I'm not gay!"
HOT BLONDE ACTRESS enters to AUDIENCE going "WOOOOOOO!"
"Mmm, good morning! So...are you going to work on my case today?"
"Why not? I studied your briefs thoroughly last night!"
AUDIENCE: WOOOOOOOOO!
POP enters from stage right... 
"What the hell is going on in here?"

"Pop?!? What are you doing here? You're supposed to be at the Super Bowl! I got you tickets!"


"Paid for on MY credit card! What, you thought I wouldn't figure that out?"

"Uh-oh. Did the bill come in already?"
AUDIENCE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
"I don't need to see a bill to know that a clerk at Blockbuster can't afford tickets to the Super Bowl!"

"Pop, please! Ixnay on the ockblusteray, huh? I got a big case, I'm working on over here!"
AUDIENCE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!



"Um, like, what's going on here or something?"

"Oh hello. You must be Big Case. I'm the hotshot lawyer's father...except he ain't no hotshot lawyer because HE'S NEVER PASSED THE BAR EXAM!"

"So wait...you lied to me?"

"Um, I object...?"
AUDIENCE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
"AUGH! I am so out of here!"
She storms out angrily

"Pop, whaddaya doin'? Ya killin' me! I've passed the Bar in every state except one!"

"Killing you? I'd plead not-guilty to that charge, but with you as my lawyer there's no telling what would happen. But I guess since you're not a lawyer, at least in the state IN WHICH YOU LIVE, I don't have to worry about it!"
AUDIENCE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"Jesus, Pop..."

"And stop being Italian! We're Jewish!!"
AUDIENCE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


"Jewish? Maybe I should be a doctor too!"
AUDIENCE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"You're neither! You're A PUTZ!"
AUDIENCE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
DOTTY enters stage right


"Hey everybody, who wants flapjacks? And who was that whore?"
AUDIENCE explodes in applause and laughter ("Who wants flapjacks?" and "Who was that whore?" are Dotty's catchphrases)

Seriously, I don't see how this can possibly fail.

1 comment:

Dawn Morgan Elliott said...

I'd like to have a cameo in the next episode, please. And you realize you got your Baio and your Danza confused right? If only I watched less tv in the 80's I could have become a doctor or lawyer myself.