Friday, December 12, 2014

Kirk Cameron to the rescue!

Oh boy, everybody! Either Kirk Cameron is saving Christmas or he has produced a movie titled "Saving Christmas". It's grammatically unclear from the poster. But one thing's for sure; KIRK CAMERON'S SAVING CHRISTMAS!

Finally, someone (Kirk Cameron) has made a movie about The War On Christmas. It's like somebody making a movie about aliens invading Earth, except that actually is something that could still exist as an actual threat. By the way, if you're someone who believes that there is such a thing as The War On Christmas, please take the following fact into account:
"100% of people who believe there is such a thing as a War On Christmas are mistaken*"
Of course, that certainly doesn't mean there can't be a movie about it. And if there is going to be a movie about The War On Christmas, it might as well be the best The War On Christmas movie ever!
Check it out:

OH MY GOD, this movie has everything!!!
  • A protagonist named "Christian" who is disillusioned about the true meaning of Christmas: Symbolism!
  • "Christian" looks kind of Jewish: Irony!
  • Associating the theme from "Rawhide" with a carjacking: Lack of cultural awareness!
  • Kirk Cameron as a creepy, leering Santa Claus ala Dan Aykroyd in "Trading Places" and Billy Bob Thornton in "Bad Santa": Throwback!
  • Kirk Cameron lecturing "Christian" on the true meaning of Christmas: Lecturing!
  • Some old-timey manger footage: Throwback!
  • White people line dancing: Umm...
  • Kirk Cameron poppin' and lockin': Ooh. Okay...
  • A black person saying vaguely black people gospel things: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Holy solid-gold X-Box wrapped in $700 headphones! Go see this movie!

So Happy Holidays or Season's Greetings, "whatever that means" (hint: It's a greeting, just like Merry Christmas. Stop being such a misanthrope and respond to it in the spirit in which it's given, dick.)

And put Christ back in Christmas, unless you want Kirk Cameron to whoop yo' ass with a candy cane!

* Source: Common sense

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