Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Guest blogger: Kelly Hickman!

You've probably heard the axiom "never read the comments" and you probably already know why that's a good idea. Just in case you don't, or you just want some validation, my friend Kelly Hickman took it upon herself to document some of the real-time comments that showed up on Facebook last night as news of the fire in London was breaking. The names have not been changed, nor have the egregious spelling and syntax errors, to protect those of us who aren't as stupid as this collection of morons. 
Please enjoy your sure-to-be cringe-inducing experience. - Clark


Good evening ladies and gents! It's time for a new show called "Obnoxious Live Video Comments" curated by your host, the lovely and very sleep-deprived Kelz Hickman
On tonight's show we will be reviewing Facebook comments during the live video of the fire in London.
As always, we want to be clear that we are in no way making light of this very devastating situation. We are, however, making fun of the stupid mother fuckers who comment on live videos. Is my audience with me?
Ok great. Let's introduce our contestants...
First to respond is Jessica.. Everyone say hi to Jessica!
*audience says hi to Jessica*
Jessica was too lazy to read the one sentence description of the fire, so here is her comment...
Nest up, we have our predictable group of folks who know their terrorism!
And of course there's our moderates who don't believe that *everything* is a terrorist attack. I mean, c'mon guys.


We introduced those guys first because we know that they will be there and what they will say. Yes, boring and at the same time comforting? Let's continue...

We also have the wino...

...the honesty keeper.

Captain Obvious...

The nursery rhymer...

The veteran...

The Fox News Watcher... (PS We can guarantee you, Lisa, that it did not start on the second floor)

The "News-is-so-Unfair" guy...

The philosopher...

Ricky Ricardo...

The pragmatist...

The Emoji Police...




The OCD...


The poet...


The stroke victim...

The exhausted...


The movie buff...


The conspiracy theorist...

The NRA...

The smart ass...


The one who doesn't know how to use a clock or a calendar...

The bat-shit crazies...



The chemist...


And last but not least, those who are sending out prayers. From literally every corner of the universe...
Hugs and kisses, burning London!
And that concludes tonight's show. We hope you enjoyed it and we'll be back soon with more live video comments! Stay tuned!




Thanks, Kelly! - Clark

2 comments:

Dianna Austin Lacey said...

Funny AF at midnight, still funny! I ❤️ Kelz

Melody Hardy said...

People are walking by my desk and looking at me I am laughing so hard. Thanks Kelz! Amazing and yet really really sad.