Friday, November 16, 2007

How to drive through a school zone

Many of you have been out motoring around in your automobiles and encountered these strange signs and wondered what to do. "Do I get out of my car and run screaming in the opposite direction?" Not anymore (unless you want to). Feel free to clip and save this handy guide. You're welcome.

  • Slow down immediately upon seeing the sign, even if it's a half mile away (Can you see that far away? Really? Good for you!). This tells your fellow motorists "Hey people, there are children ahead. Let's all just back off". They'll appreciate your leadership and will honk and gesture at you to express their gratitude.
  • Legally, you can come roaring up to the school zone at 40 mph and then slam on your brakes to get down to 15...but that doesn't mean you should.
  • Often there's a cop right there patrolling the school zone. Even though the posted limit is 15, go ahead and let it creep up to 16 or 17. You'll be breaking the law right in front of a cop and there's nothing he can do about it. This is a good way of feeding your desire to Stick It To The Man without actually doing something really harmful.
  • Go ahead and start accelerating back to normal speed when you're about 10 feet or so from the end of the school zone. This shows people that you care about safety and obeying the law but, hey, you're not like a fanatic about it or anything.
  • If the light is blinking at 11:30 at night and/or it's Saturday and/or it's Christmas, you should probably still slow down to at least 20 because you just never know.
  • Sometimes the signs and the lines painted on the street don't line up perfectly. The area between is known as the Negative Zone, an area where hitting children with your car is not only legal but reccomended.

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