Hi. My name is Clark and this is my blog. My intent is to entertain and I'd like this to be more than "Clark And What Pisses Him Off" (although there will definitely be some of that) so I'll be posting some short humorous fiction as well. I hope you like it.
WARNING: Sometimes I will cuss. And I will also embellish facts (ie: lie) in the interest of making things funnier than they really are. Just so you know.
Friday, January 04, 2013
2013: The year in review
It's only been about a half a week but 2013 is already one of the craziest years ever. NoNot many celebrities died and congress actually (kinda) got something (sort of) done (a little bit). One of those things alone would be enough to stand out as our century gets a first glimpse of its own pubic hair and lurches headlong into an extended awkward, moody, confused and surly adolescence. For now, let's take a look back at this crazy, crazy year and how it affected me. Tuesday, January 1st: I worked the Outback Bowl, where people were buying these tickets from some dude lurking in the parking lot:
Photographic evidence: Ticket scalpers are low-life parasites.
My dad believed that it was impossible for an honest person to get scammed and this is why. I don't necessarily agree with that as a black-and-white fact but I'm always amazed at how eager people are to abandon their common sense, basic life experience and gut instincts in order to get over. I know, there's the thing where people will say, "I'm still writing (last year) on all my checks! Ha ha!" in February, but come on; New Year's was yesterday! More importantly, as a general rule in life, there is absolutely nothing you should ever purchase from somebody lurking around a parking lot. Anyway, the Outback Bowl, won by the University of South Carolina Gamecocks, is the only sporting event I've worked or attended this year, so...
University of South Carolina Gamecocks: 2013 Sports champions of the year!
Later that night, I ate dinner at Shell's, a place I haven't visited in years. Shell's used to be IT! when it came to seafood in Tampa Bay. They were all over the place between Tampa and Sarasota and if you had your heart set on eating there on a Friday or Saturday night, you were going to stand in a line. Then the '90s and '00s and a bunch of business stuff happened. Now, there's only two locations (one of them just opened recently) and you can pretty much walk right in and sit down. It's still good though.
2013 Restaurant of the year!
Wednesday, January 2nd: Tonight was opening night for the Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Bailey Circus at the Tampa Bay Times Forum, where I work. The Forum hosts the circus every year around this time. Every one so far since the Forum opened. The Forum hasn't had a hockey game since early April of 2012 because there's a work stoppage in the National Hockey League (NHL). A lockout. The second one the NHL has had in eight years. The circus has been around for hundreds of years and has never had a lockout.
2013 Professional sports league of the year!
Thursday, January 3rd: Early this morning in Ufa, Russia, the United States defeated Canada 5-1 in the semi-finals of the World Junior Hockey tournament. And boy oh boy, Canadians are boilin' mad! People who take the fun-loving and easy-going nature of Canadian people for granted have never taken international hockey tournaments into account, where a loss to anyone in the world would be a huge disappointment but losing to the NASCAR-driving, Budweiser-swilling football monkeys in the U.S. is utterly unacceptable. But somehow, amid all the rancor, this happened: Hockey is awesome.
2013 International incident of the year!
And now a completely arbitrary and nonsensical list of things that are "IN" or "OUT" for the New Year...
IN: Turkeys - OUT: Chiggers
IN: Jukeboxes - OUT: College
IN: Pens - OUT: Turkeys
IN: Shoes - OUT: Banjos
IN: Mimes - OUT: Dry cleaners
IN: Banshees - OUT: Parachutes
IN: Turkeys - OUT: Tablature
IN: Nebulas - OUT: Mrs. Pamela Kaeding of Baltimore, Maryland
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