Wednesday, February 08, 2017

Memories: Not what they used to be

We're all getting older. All of us! Even the young folks. Each and every one of us is older now than when we started reading this. Naturally, our memory is rapidly going to seed. There's proof that this is happening to us on a mass scale. There are people who sincerely believe they saw a movie titled "Shazaam" starring Sinbad as a genie that doesn't exist. I mean the movie doesn't exist. Sinbad does, although he is not a genie. But "Shazaam" never happened, in spite of people's convictions that it totally did. Just last week, White House spokesperson Kellyanne Conway cited a massacre in Bowling Green, Kentucky, that also never happened.
This does not qualify
Some might refer to this phenomenon as "misremembering". Or perhaps "not knowing what the hell you're talking about" or "lying". Regardless, it tends to happen a lot. Just look at this list of famous movie quotes that you've been getting wrong all this time...

The Empire Strikes Back
You remember: “Luke, I am your father.” 

But the actual quote is: “Luke, it is I who is the person that am your father."

Apollo 13
You remember: “Houston, we have a problem”
But the actual quote is: “Oh shit, Houston!”

Dirty Harry
You remember: “Do you feel lucky, punk?”
But the actual quote is: “You’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Because if not, there's really no point in buying a lottery ticket, punk.”

The Graduate
You remember: “Mrs. Robinson, are you trying to seduce me?”
But the actual quote is: “Mrs. Robinson, you’re the subject of a well-known Simon and Garfunkel song. Aren’t you?”

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
You remember: “Mirror, mirror, on the wall - who is the fairest of them all?”
But the actual quote is: “Magic mirror, on the wall, the reflection of light off a smooth service is a simple scientific principle and not so 'magic' after all. Punk.”

She Done Him Wrong (with Mae West)
You remember: “Why don’t you come up and see me sometime?”
But the actual quote is: “Why don’t you comply with the restraining order and stay at least 500 feet from me, punk?”

You remember: “Play it again, Sam.”
But the actual quote is: “Play 'Free Bird', Sam. Wooo!”

You remember: “We’re gonna need a bigger boat!”
But the actual quote is: “We should be in a helicopter with automatic weapons. Being out here in a boat is just stupid.”

Field Of Dreams
You remember: “If you build it, they will come.”
But the actual quote is: “If you build it, you will have a full-sized baseball diamond in your yard. Pretty sweet!”

All About Eve
You remember: “Fasten your seat belts, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.”
But the actual quote is: “Fasten your seat belts, it’s the law.”

The Wizard of Oz
You remember: “Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.
But the actual quote is: “Toto, thank God we’re not in Kansas anymore!”

Gone With The Wind
You remember: “Frankly, Scarlett, I don’t give a damn.”
But the actual quote is: “Frankly, punk, I don’t give a damn.”

Silence of the Lambs
You remember: “Hello, Clarice”

But the actual quote is: “Well, howdy-do, Clarice!”

Mommie Dearest
You remember: “No more wire hangers, EVER!”
But the actual quote is: “No starch! No starch EVER!”

Planet of the Apes
You remember: “Get your stinkin’ paws off me, you damn dirty ape!”
But the actual quote is: “Take your stinkin’ dirty damn paws off me, you damn stinkin' dirty ape!”

…And Justice For All
You remember: “I’m out of order? You’re out of order! This whole courtroom’s out of order!”

But the actual quote is: “Your mama out of order! Oooooohh!! (dabs and blasts air horn)”

Sunset Blvd.
You remember: “I’m ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille.”
But the actual quote is: “All right, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my selfie, punk.”


Jeff Hickmott said...

You forgot (or perhaps 'misremembered')
"I want the truth!"
"You are unable to comprehend the veracity of what I can tell you, matey-boy!"

One of Tom Skerritt and Jack Palance's greatest scenes.

Clark Brooks said...

I forgot that one! Thanks!

Anonymous said...