Wednesday, February 01, 2017

The choices we make define who we are

The other day, on his morning commute, a co-worker struck and killed a seagull with his car.
"It was just standing in the road and didn't move! If I had swerved, I'd have hit some guy riding his bike! It was awful."
You read that right; he had a chance to hit a bicyclist with his car, and he chose to kill a bird instead!
"B-but why didn't the bird move? I don't understand why he didn't just fly away."
Maybe he was busy. Maybe he was eating some french fries. It's none of your damn business. None of that matters. You killed him to spare a bicyclist.
"I had no choice! A bird or a human being!"
A bicyclist. A worthless, dime-a-dozen, zero-contributing-to-life bicyclist. Travels around in packs, annoying people at the beach bicyclist. A begging for food at picnics, constantly squawking, pooping all over the place bicyclist.
"You don't know that. What if he was a good person? What if he was a doctor?"
If he was a doctor, why wasn't he in an operating room, saving someone's life?
"Maybe it was his day off."
It wasn't the seagull's day off. He was clocked in, doing his job: being a seagull.
Let me ask you a question; was he dressed like this?
"Yeah, he was. So?"
Jesus, man.
"That's what bicyclists wear!"
Why?!? What's the point? Optimal work out performance results? Rocky Balboa won the world heavyweight boxing championship by working out in this ensemble...
You can't argue with history.
I just hope this doesn't blow back on you some day.
"How would it 'blow back' on me?"
What if some day, you find yourself stranded alone on a desert island, starving to death? Who is more likely to find you, recognize your plight, fly back to the mainland, pick up some french fries, fly back and drop them in your mouth? A bicyclist or a seagull? Keep in mind, the seagull can do all of this without squishing up his private parts and cramming them into a spandex romper, strapping on his helmet and filling up his $85 titanium water bottle with a charcoal filter.

"Does a seagull even have private parts to squish up?"
Maybe the seagull is a female! Ever consider that possibility? Sexist!
"I don't believe a seagull would ever do something like that for another living creature. They're gluttonous scavengers, motivated entirely by keeping themselves fed."
Yeah, well, at least they aren't bicyclists!!

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