Sure, we're making progress...but what about the cake?!?

On Wednesday, the Hillsborough County Commission voted unanimously for an amendment that would prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identification. Unanimously, as in liberal and conservative. It's a step closer to erasing a 1995 vote that excluded gays, lesbians and transgender folks from civil rights protection. This same group recently voted unanimously to remove a ban on county recognition of gay rights events and displays that had been in place since 2005. These are pretty stunning developments. As recently as 1997, you could still hunt lesbians for sport (in season, with proper licensing) as long as you used the whole lesbian, the way Native Americans used all the parts of the whole buffalo. And up until 1993, you could legally seize a gay couple's home if you could hold their house keys high enough above your head (while standing flat-footed, of course; fair is fair) that they couldn't reach up (no jumping!) and take them back away from you.
This would seem to indicate that as a group, all of our county commissioners are capable of making decisions that move us forward and benefit the greater good of all citizens without regard to party politics. That's tremendous and something all voters should feel pretty good about. Of course, not everybody sees it that way, however. This is a comment on the Tampa Tribune's story:

"...This amendment means people that have personal convictions or beliefs contrary about LGBT lifestyle could face a lawsuit. Example a bakery declining to make a wedding cake for a lesbian couple because of their personal belief can now be fined because this is view as discrimination."

Obviously, this is a reference to the bakery in Colorado that refused to make a wedding cake for a gay couple and all the argle-bargle that followed that. What I like is how all the consequences of this as a social and/or religious matter are now measured in cake-based terms. Yes! Has anyone considered the ones affected the most by these decisions? What about the poor, delicious cake?!? Uh, I'm pretty sure it's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Dacquoise, you son of a bitch! What is the impact of these decisions in terms of cake? Who's going to make the cake? Who's not going to make the cake? Who's going to eat the cake?* What about the cake? WHAT ABOUT THE CAKE?!?
Similar to how I learned that a crowded movie theater is the only place where you can get in trouble for yelling "FIRE!", who is at risk of being sued unless they forsake their religious beliefs to make a four-tiered yellow sponge cake, filled and frosted with a smooth, rich vanilla buttercream and almond marzipan and fine raspberry preserves providing sweet accents to the creamy filling is the only thing I'm going to think of from now on when someone yells "GAY MARRIAGE!!" in a crowded movie theater.

Of course, one could point out that nobody in Florida can make a wedding cake for lesbians even if they wanted to because gay people can't marry each other in this state. And that's the real problem here, at least as someone who can legally marry people sees it. I'd like to point out that I'm very good at that, with a current success rate of 1.000%. Bakeries are always going to make their money because people are always going to love cakes. And tortes and pies and cookies and cupcakes and... Meanwhile, the ban on same sex marriages that currently exists in the state of Florida effectively restricts me from marrying two thirds of all possible combinations of eligible male and female wedding participants. Throw in the the fact that a bunch of the remaining 33% are already married to each other and there's only, what, about 20 people here that I could possibly join in holy matrimony. That's some bullshit there.

I guess it just further illustrates that it's great that we're making progress but we have miles to go before we sleep, people.





* I, for one, am going to eat the cake.