Friday, May 25, 2012

Still fighting for my right to party

In my day (and I'm fully aware that starting a sentence with that phrase is a dead giveaway that what follows is likely to be some sort of folk tale from an elderly person, which is fine because that's exactly what this is), I had impressive party skills. What that means is, when I was younger, I was really good at drinking alcohol. I was in the army between the ages of 18 and 22; among several people my age, all away from home for the first time with full legal access to booze. When I got out, I moved to Florida and the first people I met who were my age were minor league baseball players; men in their early 20s who usually don't have to be at work before 4PM. So yeah, I ran with peer groups who could put it away pretty good. I have lots of stupid stories about stupid behavior that resulted from that activity. But the point of mentioning it here and now is to say that I outgrew that behavior. Now, I rarely drink at all and almost never to excess. Not for any great reason; it's just something I don't do anymore, like ice skating. Well, last weekend, I was invited to a friend's house-warming party where I learned that things have changed.

The invitation stated that accomodations would be available on site for those who overindulged and being as I have no intention of ever getting a DUI, this sounded good to me (an aside: I think I've stated this somewhere here before, but drunk driving infractions are the dumbest crimes anyone can ever commit simply because there are always alternatives). I decided it would be fun to go, let myself off the leash and see how much poor judgment I could exercise, for the first time in at least five years.
I got to the house about an hour after the party had started. The house is huge and beautiful and after roaming around a bit and mingling, I found a spot in the rec room at the bar with fun people and easy access to all the booze. Perfect. The party was great with lots of nice people, a ton of food and more alcohol than I have ever seen in a residential dwelling. I set to work consuming with the intent of just getting levelled. Several J√§gerbombs, even more pudding shots, lots of some kind of rum punch (I think) and I even tried absinthe for the first time. As planned, I got really intoxicated, but was pleasantly surprised to learn that my hard-earned skills had not diminished from lack of use. I didn't get sick, I didn't pass out, I didn't have a hangover the next day and I didn't get in a fight (it's all about making smart food intake choices, being mindful of what you're mixing, remaining hydrated and not being an asshole, kids). But as I mentioned previously, things have changed.

At some point during the evening, people started shedding their clothes. One woman in particular kept walking by topless, then fully clothed, then fully naked, clothed again but in a different outfit, topless, clothed, naked... It was like what I imagine a Cher concert is like. And the thought I had was "I wonder why she can't get comfortable?" Not "Naked woman = SEX!!" or "AHHHHHHHHH!!!!", as an adolescence spent hiding copies of Playboy under my mattress and not ever having 'The Talk' with my parents had conditioned me to approach adulthood.
Nope.
Things have changed. 

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