Wednesday, September 05, 2012

Get a head!

As I mentioned last week, I wanted to avoid as much of the nonsense that was taking place here during the Republican National Convention, so I got the hell out of town (I went to Chicago and had a nice time, thanks). I figured I'd miss all of the madness if I got back late Saturday but when I stopped at Denny's for late night breakfast, I saw this in the Grab 'Em game located in the restaurant's foyer:

Yep, that's right. It's Mitt Romney's head rendered as a plush toy.
In an ongoing sequence of things that I don't understand at all but other people think are great ideas that I should just start referring to as "life", I submit the following conversation that I would guess must have happened at some point...

VICE-PRESIDENT OF GRAB 'EM INC. PLUSH PRIZE DIVISION: Okay, that about sums it up for the upcoming line. We'll go with our traditional favorites of bears, dogs, monkeys and frogs. We've got some licensed superhero, cartoon character and professional sports items. Ned, what do you have for us from the novelty line?
NED: I think we really outdid ourselves this year. Voila! (unveils item)
NORTHWEST DISTRICT MANAGER: Is that...Mitt Romney's head?
NED: It sure is! You know what else it is? It's topical, funny and completely adorable!
SOUTHEAST DISTRICT MANAGER: Please tell me we're getting some of those in Florida!
NED: You got it, buddy! Your locations in Tampa are going to clean up during the Republican National Convention. Just think of how much dough those Republican families in town for the convention will shell out for a chance to win one of these sweet babies! "Look what daddy won for you, Chloe! Snuggle with it. Snuggle with the disembodied stuffed head of the one man that can save America from Obama and being turned into a socialist wasteland!"
NORTHEAST DISTRICT MANAGER: What about Democrats? They'll be turned off by it.
NED: Nah, they'll buy them for their dogs to chew on.
NED: They sure do! We researched this whole angle. Listen, people are all basically the same and we have no reason to believe that liberals wouldn't enjoy watching their beloved family pets ripping the head of their rivals literally to shreds as much as anybody.
SOUTHEAST DISTRICT MANAGER: Now, how hard are these going to be to win?
NED: Are you kidding me? Look at the size of this crazy thing! Nobody's hauling one of these away without dropping at least $5.
VICE-PRESIDENT OF GRAB 'EM INC. PLUSH PRIZE DIVISION: Ned, it's like you've re-invented the wheel....yet again! Looks like a 26th straight year of huge profits here at Grab 'Em, Inc. I smell bonus!
NED: Well, thank you sir. Honestly, in situations like this, the work itself is its own reward.

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