All along the water tower

Who's to say that thing didn't need killin'?

shoot·ing /ˈSHo-otiNG/Noun - The action or practice of shooting.

spree/sprē/Noun - A spell or sustained period of unrestrained activity of a particular kind: "a shopping spree". Synonyms: carousal - binge - revel

Shooting sprees are supposed to be fun. We're supposed to carouse and revel! But every time we turn around (and it sure seems like we turn around a lot more often these days), the media is taking all the fun out of these incidents with their somber reporting of deaths and injuries. Geez, lighten up! It's not always a movie theatre or a shopping center or an elementary school. Sometimes it's something whimsical like a golf course (albeit, a regular golf course and not the really whimsical kind where you shoot the ball into a clown's ass or whatever) and the only victim is a big dumb ol' water tower. What's the harm? It's not like that was drinking water. Heck, there might even be unforeseen benefits! What if they go up to repair the tower and find hidden treasure that they would have never found if not for this happening? It could happen! Other than that, not only were no people shot, but he didn't even shoot any coyotes. Or dogs (although as drunk as Fitzgerald was, that's probably a fluke).
No, instead of letting us revel and carouse in these binges, the media has to try to make us feel bad about our constitutional right to own all the guns. As gun advocates routinely point out, guns don't kill people; people kill people. All of these incidents could have just as easily involved a knife or some other weapon. Yet, you never hear reports of stabbing sprees or chainsaw sprees or blowdart sprees, almost as if those things never, ever, EVER happen. Suspicious! Mark Fitzgerald could have damaged that water tower without a gun if he was really intent on doing so, but you'll never hear that from the mainstream media.

Remember folks, guns don't kill water towers; drunk people with sharp objects who are not so drunk that they couldn't climb a really tall ladder kill water towers, if they happened to be so inclined.

UPDATE: It's been pointed out to me, uninformed idiot that I am, that there WAS a stabbing spree just the other day, in China. Oh snap! This is obviously a dream come true for gun enthusiasts: "See? See? It totally happened... once... in China. Now there's no logical reason whatsoever not to leave our precious hobby alone!" Awesome! Thanks, Min Yingjun!
22 kids there, 18, 19, 20, or whatever it ends up here (this time); heck, that's practically a wash. Thanks for adjusting my skewed perspective. Yee-haw!!