Monday, February 11, 2013

White People Problems: Extreme Edition

One day last week, I found myself not-that-hungry at lunch so I walked to the nearby Starbucks, figuring they had muffins and such. When I got there, I saw that they offered bagels. Perfect! "Can I assume you have cream cheese?", I asked the barista. "Yes sir", she replied. I ordered one, toasted, with cream cheese, to go and took it back to my work. When I got back to my desk, I opened the bag and found my bagel and a plastic tub with cream cheese in it. I immediately became furious. Well, not immediately; it started as mere disappointment but it heated up real quick.  "Are you kidding me? Oh yeah, Starbucks. I really want to put the cream cheese on it myself. You charge people $9 for a cup of coffee but you can't afford to pay someone to put cream cheese on a bagel? No, instead you stick this individual serving size tub in the bag and wait for me to be two blocks away when I find out I have to do it myself? Bullshit!" In quick succession, all kinds of awful ideas went through my head; I'd tweet about it, put it on my blog, call her manager, send feedback to their web site, dozens of of other things I could do to just utterly ruin this lazy, incompetent, good-for-nothing, piece of... WHOA!
I don't know how or why but I caught myself. I looked down at what had me so upset. There was a nice, fresh bagel, perfectly toasted, already cut in half, with a portion of cream cheese and a plastic knife to apply it. Basically, it was exactly what I had asked for, minus the assumption that the barista would put the cream cheese on it for me, an inconvenience that required slightly more effort on my part than spelling the word "inconvenience" correctly. And because of that, I was not only willing to spoil my lunch break but also waste a good part of my afternoon in the hopes of making somebody miserable, making that person suffer, somebody just doing their job. Jesus! What the hell is wrong with me? I'm out of my mind! I'm a monster! I calmed down and ate my bagel and looked at videos on YouTube (a common lunch activity), including this one...

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