Lighten up, Francis, or whatever your name is

There's a lot of talk these days that people are too sensitive about everything. I don't know that I agree with that as a blanket statement. For example, I think people who are upset about social injustice in the form of senseless murder have a legitimate gripe and maybe shouldn't feel obligated to turn their frowns upside down and walk it off for the benefit of those who don't want to hear about it.

On the other hand, yeah, a big chunk of us need to lighten up. A lot.

Exhibit A:
Somebody posted this video on Facebook the other day...


And somebody else replied to it with this comment...

"I think she was just playing and bothering him while he was trying to rest. This did make me think. I know this won't be popular but it needs to be said. I think people choosing animals over kids continues to be a big problem in this world. People choose to get pets when animals have been and continue be fine and independent before and after humans' rule of this world. I have seen many a dog treated better and given more attention by one or both parents than they give their kids, I've heard adults make comments regarding preferring animals over kids, and other horrible comments and everyone thinks its ok. I will from now on call them on it because I'm sure this has a negative effect of the kids. It could also create a stigma for the child. Then as a child gets older and realizes they live in a world where people cry for an animal that is treated poorly or is euthanized, but indifferent to babies being euthanized for convenience."

Seriously?
It made him think, and these are the thoughts he came up with? He's right, it won't be popular but it absolutely did NOT need to be said. There are lots of kids that are treated horribly in the world but laughing at a video where a dog kicks sand on a little brat is in no way contributing to that horrible treatment. Also, thanks for trying to shame those of us who don't treat animals badly by way of making some sort of profound statement about abortion (I guess?).

Naturally, I had to respond to that person's inappropriate outrage with my own inappropriately outrageous comment...

"I'm sure you're a good person who is troubled by the many disturbing events taking place in today's violent and confusing world who felt the need to express your concerns. For what it's worth, I completely understand and I sincerely hope a dog eats you and your children. Seriously. I want a dog to eat your children while you watch before eating you. Or maybe the dog eats all of you in a rotation, like it eats each of your right legs off and then your left legs and so on until you're all gone. Either way is fine. And not a mean dog, like a pit bull or a Rottweiler. I want a Golden Retriever named Brandy to eat your children. You too. Not because she's having a bad day, either. But because she's perfectly happy being a good dog and knows that erasing your existence from the earth would be a nice thing to do. Good girl, Brandy! I want that to happen more than I want scientists to cure AIDS. If God came down and said, 'I can totally make that happen... I have a really sweet dog in mind, too... but in exchange, humanity has to take on five new kinds of cancer', I would absolutely make that trade without hesitation. Because it would be worth it.
Dogs are awesome, you're horrendous.
May a dog eat you and your children, and soon.
Kidding.
Not really.
Kind of.
Maybe."

I mean, if he's going to get upset, let's give him something irredeemably horrible and worth the effort.

What was his response? Who cares.
There's no point in ever reading the comments.