Wednesday, April 20, 2016

The Way of the Emerald

I don't have, as the kids say, "game" with the ladies. I don't know why that is. I don't lack for confidence in most circumstances and I have always felt perfectly comfortable talking to women. But when you have "game", it means you possess that extra gear that allows you to close the deal, if I can cram as many dumb metaphors into one sentence as possible.
I think it's because I lack the level of necessary commitment to pull that off.

Here's an example of a guy with "game", a guy that I could never be.

A friend of mine recently visited the dentist to get some routine maintenance done, where she encountered the incredible Bobbie Emerald Way. And by "encountered", I mean "was hit on by".
She thought this was remarkable because she's never been hit on while undergoing dental work before and I agreed that it sounded unusual as well as inappropriate and unethical. We did some research and this is what we found...

  • Dr. Bobbie E. Emerald Way currently lives in Tampa, FL.
  • He has been "in ministry for over 21 years ministering as a Pastor and Televangelist".
  • He was born in "Jacksonville, Florida to  Bobbie and Edwina Way.  After graduating with honours from Jean Ribault Sr. High School in 1984, Bobbie entered the Marine Corps and was trained as a “Basic Electrician.”"
  • "Upon discharge Bobbie relocated to Tampa, Florida where in 1989 he obtained his Associates Degree in Computer Engineering (Applied Science)."
  • "Bobbie feeling the call of God to become a part of the ministry (and after many years of seeking the Lord and soul searching) he was licensed in 1991 as a minister of the gospel of Jesus Christ through the General Assembly Church of the Firstborn, Inc. by the Honourable Bishop Francis S. Davis Sr.  During his tenure at the General Assembly Bobbie served as Minister of Music under the supervision of Pastor Katherine Davis."
  • "In 1993 Bobbie became producer and host of a local television program which was initially entitled “Strait talk.” The program later became widely known as “Bobbie Emerald Live.” Bobbie has throughout his years continued to better himself through education within various fields of study and has gained valuable knowledge, wisdom and experience working in Christian Ministry and also with various Christian and secular organizations located throughout the Tampa Bay area." (all of this was taken from Bobbie Emerald
While combing through his web site, we also learned...

  • He has produced his own music, which ranges from "Contemporary Music" to "Inspirational and Worship" to "Progressive Rock" and "Sultry Jazz" with song titles like 'Glorious Church', 'Pray For The Children', 'Stranger' and 'I See You'.
  • He is the purveyor of "Young and Gifted" apparel, featuring "Embroidered Shirts, 100% Cotton T- Shirts, Ball Caps, Winter Skull Caps, Tote Bags and more" choose from 'Young Gifted Christian', Young Gifted Cuban', 'Young Gifted Black', 'Young Gifted Asian' and yes, whiteys who complain about the existence of things like the NAACP, Miss Black America pageant and BET, you can get a 'Young Gifted White' shirt, in sizes from small to 5XL!
A second web site reveals that his favorite movie is "Guess who coming home for dinner (Original)", which I'm guess is not the 1967 Sidney Poitier film, but a remake by Bobbie Emerald, with an original Bobbie Emerald soundtrack and where all the characters have their names embroidered on "Young and Gifted" polo shirts.
A Bobbie Emerald Joint
Are you sold on this guy's awesomeness yet? WAIT! There's more! 
Behold the list of accomplishments from his LinkedIn profile (keep in mind as you peruse this extensive list that my friend met this guy at a dentist's office, where he presented hilmself as someone who could render medical service)...

Dorcus House Ministries, Inc
Board of Director (Treasurer)
January 1993 – January 2005

The Missionary Evangelistic Training Center, Inc. (The Presbytery of Elders) AKA Dorcus House Ministries 
Board Member (Treasury) who was responsible for oversight and supervision of day to day operational needs as one of the Elders and pastors within the ministry. Official duties: Communication of the word of God to current residence through evangelism, discipleship, prayer, fasting as well as...more

Tampa Bay Community Network
T.B.C.N Community Producer/Director/Host
Pastor and Community Service Producer 1993 - 2009 and Minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ/Accomplished, Achievement-Driven and Results-Oriented: I am a servant of the Lord Jesus Christ that was ordained by The Presbytery of Elders and established through a successful teaching ministry. Host and Community Producer that led many souls to the Lord God through the teaching and preaching the Gospel...more

Honors & Awards
Bobbie E. Emerald Way PHD
January 1984
Biblical Certifications: Doctorate Degree in Christian Education - Master Degree in Biblical Studies - Bachelors Degree in Christian Ministry - Ordained Prophet, Teacher and Minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ 

  • Doctorate Degree in Christian Education
  • Masters Degree in Biblical Studies
  • Bachelors Degree in Christian Ministry
  • Associate Degree Computer Engineering (Applied Science)
  • Jean Ribault Honor Graduate

  • Game Design
  • Game Development
  • Online Gaming
  • Social Games
  • Casual Games
  • Video Games
  • User Interface Design
  • iPhone
  • Mobile Games
  • Web Design

Dr. Bobbie also knows about...
  • Mobile Applications
  • Serious Games
  • Monetization
  • Entertainment
  • MMO
  • Mobile Devices
  • Computer Games
  • Agile Project Management
  • Gameplay
  • Writing


Tampa Tech
Associate's Degree, Computer Engineering
1988 – 1991
Tampa Bay Bible College
Doctor of Education(Ed.D.), Christian Education, Biblical Studies, Christian Ministry, 

An impressive list? I guess. But nowhere do I see where he's qualified professionally to mess around in any kind of dentistry-related capacity with people's mouths. Also, when did "iPhone" become a skill?!?

I don't know. Might be totally legit. It's possible I'm just jealous. 
But maybe the next time a dental assistant hits on you at while you're having a procedure done, you may want to consider how close the office is to one of these...

...and whether or not they do a good job of locking their back door before you let some stranger put his fingers (or whatever) in your mouth.

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