Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Something weird happened to me today...

As I mentioned yesterday, I have a cold again. I went into the restroom to blow my nose nice and hard without disturbing anyone. When I did, I felt my right ear pop. That's not weird. I've had that happen before. I know it has something to do with the sinus canal or whatever it's called. But what was weird was I immediately felt very dizzy. Really dizzy. Like my equilibrium was gone dizzy. Like I was going to fall down and I had to reach out with both hands to brace myself against the walls dizzy. The first thought that sprang into my head was "Nick Esasky!". Nick Esasky was a baseball player in the '80s whose career was ruined when he suddenly and inexplicably developed vertigo. I hadn't thought of Nick Esasky in years (justifiably so I would think; I'm sure Nick Esasky would be as creeped out as anybody if I went around thinking about him for no reason) yet he was the first arrival in my head when this weird thing happened to me.

What happened next was a rapid succession of random thoughts: Don't fall on the toilet; toilets are hard and you will crack something and bleed. And don't fall in the toilet either. That could actually be more harmful in the long run. Uh-oh, speaking of long term affects, what if this is permanent? What if my career is affected? Will I need a special chair with straps or side rails to hold me in it so I'm not falling down every few minutes? Will the company provide that? I'll bet they'll have to. If they don't, I will go on the news and shame them into it. Bastards. I bet this will make me eligible for a handicapped parking tag, which wouldn't be the worst thing actually. But wait; I won't be able to drive! I'll cause horrific accidents all over the place. I'll roll my car over and over and probably won't event know it. Shit, who is going to drive me around? Maybe nobody. Maybe I'll be a shut-in, living on disability. But maybe I will develop incredible artistic ability as a result of my horrible affliction. People will be amazed at my incredibly surreal paintings and will be so astounded at my ability to create such beauty that they will pay incredible sums of money for them. I, of course, will remain a recluse, shunning all the adoration and will be thought of as a mysterious, troubled genius... Every one of these thoughts came and went within five seconds or so (and that particular phenomenon actually happens to me quite often). About a minute later I was fine and went back to work.

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