Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Back to school

Today I attended T.E.A.M. training at work. Anybody who works in an establishment that sells alcohol knows that T.E.A.M. is an acronym for Techniques for Effective Alcohol Management. But anybody who has ever attended a class of any kind as an adult knows that when you put yourself in that environment, at least to some degree you revert to the kid you were in school.
Here's what happened at T.E.A.M. training tonight...

TEACHER: Ok, class we're just about to wrap up and I think it's gone really well. I hope you all are able to take something from this two hours that you will remember for many, many years. I want to thank those of you who took part in T.E.A.M. extracurricular activities, such as T.E.A.M. student senate, the T.E.A.M. yearbook staff, T.E.A.M. model UN and of course the T.E.A.M. basketball team. Go team! Err, I mean T.E.A.M. If you didn't you're just cheating yourself. Anyway, before we begin the final exam, let me remind you of the story I told you earlier about the little girl who was injured by the drunk driver and how it cost the establishment where that driver was overserved $135 million.
KEVIN: Daaaaaaamn!
TEACHER: Yes, it's a tragic story, Kevin.
KEVIN: I wanna get hit by a drunk driver too!
TEACHER: Well, it is a lot of money, but she'll never grow up to be the dancer she dreamed she would.
KEVIN: Sheeit, neither will I. But I don't have $135 million either.
TEACHER: Yes. Well. Ok, that's nice. Does anybody want to review anything else before we begin? Like some of the visual signs that someone is inebriated?
CARL: Like laughin' at shit?
TEACHER: Well, yes, sometimes. But laughter on it's own doesn't necessarily indicate...
TEACHER: Ok, that's enough, Carl. That's enough, everyone. Turn your test booklets over and write your name in the blank box at the top. Below that, use your number 2 pencil to fill in the corresponsing bubbles with letters in them. Then, turn to the inside...
LINDA: Teacher, I filled in the word "TEAM" in the little letter bubbles. Do I get a A and can I go now?
TEACHER: No, Linda, that's not what you're supposed to do. And besides, you spelled "TEAM" wrong. There's no R in it.
LINDA: That's not a R. That's a F.
TEACHER: Here's another test booklet, Linda.
WAYNE: Teacher, I don't got to take this test. I'm in a wheelchair.
KEVIN: Aw, you just mad 'cause you didn't get $135 million and you ain't gonna grow up to be a dancer too.
TEACHER: Now, hold on every...
LINDA: That little girl should go get her some bionics with that money. Then she could be the best dancer ever and also run 60 miles an hour and be incredibly strong.
WAYNE: Yeah, but they wouldn't let her in the Olympics because it's illegal to use special effects and shit.
CARL: You're so stupid. Damn!
WAYNE: I will cut you, Carl. I swear for God!
TEACHER: Damn it, I hate teaching classes to the executive team.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

haha! I love this! I think you got Team Training portrayed exactly!