Monday, November 20, 2006

Call To Action

Listen! Do you hear that? It sounds god in heaven above, it is!
It's a car alarm!!
Right outside this very restaurant, within earshot, a crime is being committed. A fellow motorist's vehicle is in some sort of peril. It could be being vandalized, burglarized or even stolen outright. There's no telling at this point. Alright, this isn't the time to panic but there's not a moment to lose. Men, pick up a makeshift weapon and arm yourselves. You, grab that candle and make a torch. You there, gather and distribute some steak knives. Women, stay here and try not to panic. We shall return to finish our salads and bread sticks when these outlaws have been thwarted. Follow meeeeeeee...!
What...what are you people doing?!? I don't think you understand; Someone parked their car nearby and armed it with an audio alarm for the express purpose of alerting us if some harm were to come to it. This is a tremendous unasked-for responsibility and you're shirking it! It's almost as though...why, as though the "Honk honk honk beep beep beep beep beep wooooooooooop woooooooooop wooooooooooop" is nothing to you other than an annoyance that is keeping you from enjoying your meals! I don't think you understand what's at stake: a CD collection, personalized license plate, maybe an AM/FM tuner with cassette player, marginally irreplacable items will need to be replaced if we don't do something!! Well, you can do what you will. I, however, will not shy away from this challenge. If I must meet this threat alone, so be it. But I am ashamed of each and every one of you. When I walked into this Olive Garden today, it was to enjoy a nice plate of pasta primavera, not to witness the crumbling of a society too apathetic to stop the spread of anarchy and lawlessness literally right outside it's own front door. This is a sad, sad day in America, I tell you.
Oh wait a minute. I think that's actually my car. I guess I hit the remote by accident. May I have some more iced tea please?

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