The Panties-In-A-Bunch-O-Meter

Let's see what has people all bent out of shape this week, shall we?

This guy, who is a caucasian college student names Chad, Troy or Jason or all three, is no longer allowed to dress as a Native American chief named Chief Illiniwek and perform at University of Illinois athletic events. I rate this one a big whooping zero out of a possible ten rat's asses.

This guy started crying while rendering legal judgement during the Anna Nicole Smith baby custody trial. On one hand, I care because it's so wildly inappropriate for a judge to behave in such a way. For example, can you imagine if a referee started crying while calling an illegal procedure penalty during the Super Bowl? They'd convene a congressional hearing. On the other hand, this outburst was just another ploy for attention from a noted gloryhound and by all accounts, one of the worst judges in south Florida...which is saying something. So no rat's asses for you, Judge Douchebag.

This guy refused to make jokes at the expense of Britney Spears on his late night talk show and used his opening monologue to explain his coming to terms with the fact that celebrities are also people with real emotions and real problems. That's admirable but unfortunately no human being has ever seen this show so it gets an automatic zero.

These guys were playing a game of hockey with playoff implications when a series of huge brawls broke out all over the ice. Finally something important happened. This is a rock-solid ten out of ten.