"Be glad that you are free..."

I got an email forwarded to me yesterday, July 4th, as in The Fourth Of July, as in Independence Day, titled "Proud To Be White". I'd actually seen it a few times before over the years but yesterday for some reason, I actually felt like commenting on it. Now, I don't do so out of some high-minded belief that I'm more enlightened than anybody else on the planet. It's just that, well, I don't really care about people whining about how bad they've got it. But sometimes the people who do, like whoever wrote this originally, get on my nerves and I feel the urge to mouth off about it. Besides, diversity is vastly overrated and similarity is greatly underappreciated. So for better or worse, the content of that email, and my comments (in bold), are posted below.

Are You Proud To Be White? Someone finally said it.
Did they say it while wearing a white robe and hood or maybe an armband with a swastika on it? I'm as proud to be white as I am of being righthanded or anything else I have no control over.

You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction.
To whom does this ever happen? It's never happened to me. Or are dark skinned people walking around constantly sneering at me and I'm just not noticing? I'm pretty self-conscious and I think I'd notice that. I'm pretty sure the last time anybody sneered in my direction, it was because I had some dog poop on my shoe. I was sneering too.

You Call me "White boy," "Cracker," "Honkey," "Whitey," "Caveman" . And that's OK.
It is? Who says that's ok? It's certainly not very nice.
And 'caveman'? Seriously? 'Caveman' is a slur against white people now? I think someone needs to inform the author that the Geico commercials are not reality tv.

But when I call you, Nigger, Kike, Towel head, Sand-nigger, camel Jockey, Beaner, Gook, or Chink . You call me a racist.
Racist or not, addressing people with insults makes the author, at best, an asshole. See above (re: It's not very nice)

You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?
This statement makes the assumption that a) only non-whites live in ghettos and b) any neighborhood comprised of a predominantly non-white population is a ghetto. Neither of these things are accurate so beliefs to the contrary are predicated entirely on prejudice. I hate to break it to you but those would qualify as rascist beliefs.
Besides, who says ghettos aren't dangerous? I recently took a wrong turn and had to drive through a housing project that could be classified as a ghetto and I was scared. I didn't know what I was going to do if my car broke down ("Can you come get me? Just drive into the ghetto until you're afraid for your life and then go another 500 feet or so. That's where I'll be.") I was amazed to see speed bumps. There should not be anything in the ghetto that restricts your ability to get out as soon as possible. Instead of speed bumps, they should have spinners like a pinball machine to launch your ass out of there in a hurry. But I digress...

You have the United Negro College Fund. You have Martin Luther King Day.You have Black History Month.You have Cesar Chavez Day.You have Yom Hashoah.You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi.You have the NAACP.You have BET.
I don't know who the "you" is that this is addressed to, but if there's any one person who has all that going for them, they probably get a whole lot of days off from work and have the world's most interesting album of family photos.

If we had WET (White Entertainment Television) We'd be racists.
I think there is a WET channel...it's one of those you have to pay extra for and I don't think it has anything to do with White Pride (Bow chicka bow bow)

If we had a White Pride Day . You would call us racists. If we had White History Month . We'd be racists. If we had any organization for only whites to "advance" OUR Lives we'd be racists. There are organizations for the advancement of whites only. Lots of them. They're comprised of self-avowed rascists. Don't take my word for it, ask them. They'll tell you themselves. They're downright (dare I say it?) proud of that fact.

We have a Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, a Black Chamber of Commerce,and then we just have the plain Chamber of Commerce.Wonder who pays for that?
Ooh I know, I know! They do! Err, I mean, you do! We do? The author has changed subjects and now I'm really confused as to who's being addressed. At any rate, it's the dues paying members of a given chamber of commerce that pay for it.

If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships ... You know we'd be racists. There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US, yet if there were "White colleges". THAT would be a racist college.
Whites are not prohibited from attending any of those schools. In fact, the Bethune Cookman College baseball team actually has more white players than black players. Besides, what would be the point of an all-white college? Their team colors (white) would be boring and they would suck at all sports except lacross and hockey.

In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights, you would call us racists
The author has changed subjects again, back to addressing the mysterious "you", but what confuses me even more is exactly what rights are we (honkies) being denied that we (white boys) think we (crackers) need to march for? I'm guessing a million of us (cavemen) don't think the right to call people names without facing some sort of consequences is march-worthy.

You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride. You call us racists.
That's probably because whenever anybody is giving a shout-out to White Pride, they seem to either be setting a cross on fire or giving the Sieg Heil salute. And where the hell did these orange people come from? Syracuse?

You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society you call him a racist.
That's a little oversimplified, don't you think? What does one have to do with the other anyway? These are just two inflammatory statements that have nothing to do with each other. It's like saying "A = B but C = D. Therefore, B > C." Or something. I suck at algebra.

I am proud. But, you call me a racist.
Congratulations! But again, proud of what? Circumstances of birth over which you have no control? Way to go, I guess. I know, the argument coming back is 'But they get to do it!'. That argument didn't hold water when you were 11 and your mom wouldn't let you watch R-rated movies. What makes you think it's valid now?
Anyway, so what? They're knuckleheads too, ok? Yay! Common ground at last! You're both knuckleheads. Now all of you go off and sew a knucklehead quilt for the big Knucklehead Pride rally and leave the rest of us, who are wrapped up in balancing our day-to-day lives and the inherent difficulties that come with that, alone already because we really don't think that your whining about not being allowed to call people niggers without there being consequences (which, let's be honest, is really what this is all about) qualifies as oppression.

Why is it that only whites can be racists?
Because you're a honkey, ok? Jesus!

There is nothing improper about this e-mail.
Cracker!

Let's see which of you are proud enough to send it on.
Let's wonder why the author didn't sign their name.

See, here's the thing the author doesn't understand or, more likely, refuses to acknowledge: Nobody who feels this way is being oppressed. Nobody who feels this way is going to be thrown in jail for expressing these views. Say whatever you want. Make a poster, set up a web site, put it in an email (anonymously, of course). Whatever. That's freedom of speech and you're entitled to it. But that doesn't mean that everybody has to agree with what you say. That's what's called "tough shit" and unless you went through your entire childhood always getting your way every single time you wanted something, you should already be familiar with the concept.
How freedom of speech works is you get to say whatever you want. Now, if someone disagrees, they get to retort and object. That's also freedom of speech. If you say something objectionable and someone punches you in the face, well then you have the right to press charges against them for assault. But then I have the right to say that I'm glad you got punched in the face and I hope the guy who did it gets off. See how great the system is?

So Happy 4th of July and enjoy your freedom!