Thursday, July 26, 2007

Sayonara soon, suckers

Looks like your boy Clark and his office mate Billy will be heading for Hollywood very, very soon.
You see, we have pitched our first television show idea to the Fox network and they have yet to say no, which means the same things as saying yes. Emphatically. I have a feeling that what I like to call 'Reality TV' is going to be the next big thing and I am going to be on the cusp of that first wave so big, big things are going to be happening for me. Here's a copy of the email I sent to the folks at Fox:

Dear Fox,
My name is Clark Brooks. I share an office here in Tampa with a guy named Bill. We have an idea for a fantastic (ie: best ever) new reality show. It's called "Clark and Bill Run Margie's Life" (we're not 100% committed to the name; how about "ruin" instead of "run"?). Basically, what would happen is every week Bill and I would tell Margie (a woman who works here in the same building with us) what to do and she would do it. We have lots of great ideas. Like making her quit her job here and take jobs at other places, such as a strip club (I'm sure you know Tampa is the home of lots of strip clubs) or a restaurant or as a crane operator or maybe at the dog track and then begging for her original job back here after a couple of weeks. We could also make her dye her hair or make prank phone calls or wear weird clothes or go on blind dates with people we pick out for her, specifically ugly guys, weird guys and women. We think this show would be hilarious, because almost nothing we come up with would be a good idea as far as Margie is concerned. But since it's a show, she would have to do it or get sued back to the stone age by Fox (you guys). Margie is a very nice person who in no way dserves to have terrible things happen to her. Bill and I are not so much. And that's why it would be great television. As an added bonus, we (Bill and I) get in fights (usually physical) at least once a day and I promise we will fight often on this show.
We are fully prepared to call in sick tomorrow or whenever to come out to LA and talk to you some more about this. Let us know, our calendars are surprisingly wide open right now.
Enclosed please find a picture of us, me and Bob, in full-on pimp status. We don't have any of Margie yet.
Also, please do not steal this concept and put it on the air with Pauly freakin' Shore or Andy freakin' Dick or two other idiots because we will be watching. And then the sue (ha ha!) will be on the other foot, my friends.
PS: We would be cool with being on FX, if that's a better fit.

Your next breakout TV geniuses,
Clark and Bill

Pretty hot, right? Yeah I know!
You're probably wondering how this idea started. Well, Margie made the mistake of mentioning that her high school reunion is coming up soon and she probably wasn't going because there's so much pressure to show up with spouses and kids and such, none of which she currently has. That's when I came up with the brilliant idea of having Billy go with her, pretending to be her husband, a navy SEAL, home on leave between assignments. Halfway through the reunion, I would break in dressed as a terrorist, screaming "Death to you all! I am here for to make the Nine Eleven!". Billy would then (pretend to) defeat me in a sword battle and become a hero to everyone at the reunion, and they would all think Margie had the greatest husband ever. Billy liked the idea because he figured it would be a great opportunity to meet chicks (he's right). I liked the idea because, well, it's my idea. Oddly enough, the only one who didn't like the idea was Margie. And by "didn't like", I mean "was horrified by". That's when it occurred to me that Billy and I could easily come up with all kinds of great ideas if Margie would just let us make her do them. From there it was a hop, skip and jump to putting it all on television.
Anyway, my plan is to split time between the two coasts for a little while but I'll probably be in California full-time eventually. I'll keep you posted.

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