Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Open For Business

I'd like to take this opportunity to introduce you to a brand new company, Clark Brooks, LLC. That's right, I am officially in business as a business owner. That means YOU can now actually hire ME, via my company, Clark Brooks, LLC, to work for YOU! What a fantastic opportunity! By the same token, you could find yourself working for me, or more accurately my company, as an employee of Clark Brooks, LLC! This is totally true!
And what exactly are some of the goods and services provided by Clark Brooks, LLC? Well, uhh, I'm glad you asked. I guess you could say I'm in the business of business. That's right, I make and do business things. I shake hands firmly, I wear shirts (sometimes with a tie) and I have lunch. At lunch, you and I will talk about business. By talking abut business, we will actually be doing business, which I believe means the government pays us back at the end of the year with taxes or something. I will ask a lawyer or accountant about it. Does this sound as fantastic to you as it does to me? Of course it does! It works like this:
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Is it paid for by the government?
Why yes, yes it is.
Well, come on in then! You're helping me eat for free, which is something they used to do in the bible, which is a very fine business to be in indeed!

I also have a number of pens. Blue and black ones! You'll notice that many of these pens have the names of other businesses (not Clark Brooks, LLC) on them. Pay that no mind. Rest assured, these are definitely my Want one? I'll sell it to you for a nickel. Look at that, now we're in retail sales! Is there no limit to the business functions that Clark Brooks, LLC offers? Who knows? Seriously. I honestly don't know at this point. But I am going to get myself some file folders, more pens and a coffee mug. After that, I'll just let all the other details sort themselves out as I go. In the meantime, here is a short list of things that I (as Clark Brooks, LLC) am willing to do for money:
  • Write something funny
  • Feed your cats
  • Grow a mustache
  • Write something serious
  • Vote
  • Sincerely apologize to your grandparents
  • Write something that was supposed to be funny but was actually just kind of weird and while you could see where somebody might laugh at parts of it, you wouldn't exactly describe it as funny
  • Cook a meal
  • Wrestle a giraffe
  • Write something (ads, letters, stories, scripts, texts, tomes, etc.)
  • Place and collect your Jai Alai wagers
  • Eat a meal
  • Accompany you to a modern art exhibit, ballet performance, poetry reading or hockey game
  • Pretend to be from a foreign country
  • Something else? Sure, you name it and we'll talk about it...over lunch

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