Friday, December 31, 2010

The Year In Review

"That's some big, crazy, illuminated ball, fellas!"
What a year, it's been, huh? Crazy! If I could sum it all up in just one word, it would probably be that one: crazy. Because that's what it was: just so damn crazy!
Let's be like every other media outlet in the universe and take an in-depth look at every single thing that happened in the crazy year of 2010, a year that will surely go down as one of the craziest of the crazy.

The Big Issues: Sarah Palin, Barack Obama, "I am not a witch".
My analysis: Wow, that is cuh-razy!

The Big Issues: The war in Iraq, the war in Afghanistan.
My analysis: One war is crazy, two wars is double crazy. Support the troops, people.

The Big Issues: "Inception", "Black Swan", "The Social Network".
My analysis: If you don't think those are some crazy movies, think again. Crazy, right? I know!

The Big Issues: Jon Stewart, Glenn Beck, Conan O'Brian, Jay Leno, the finale of "Lost".
My analysis: They should just go ahead and re-name it 'Crazyvision', because that's what it was!

The Big Issues: Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, Beatles finally available on iTunes
My analysis: I still can't get over Kanye West upstaging Taylor Swift because that was two years worth of crazy.

The Big Issues: Bret Favre, Derek Jeter, LeBron James
My analysis: Whole lotta crazy goin' on.

The Big Issues: Vampire fiction and "The Handbook of the Writer Secret Society"
My analysis: We have more than enough angsty vampire books but if you don't buy "The Handbook...", guess what you are? (Hint: it starts with a "c" and ends with a "razy")

The Big Issues: Too hot! Too cold! What is the deal with the rain (either too much or not enough)?
My analysis: This front of high-pressure crazy is going to push through from the Rockies and is going to result in crazier than normal craziness with extended periods of crazy.

Haiti earthquake: It's crazy that so much devastation can occur in one place. When will we learn???
Winter Olympics: Man oh man, what the hell is Curling? Just the craziest damn sport ever, that's all!
Chile earthquake: Hey Chile, weren't you paying attention to what happened in Haiti? What are you, crazy or something?
Gulf oil spill: "Hey America, we want to drill a hole in the bottom of the ocean for oil with no plan on what to do if something goes wrong". "Hey BP, okay, but if you do we're going to put you in charge of fixing it". "Sounds crazy...I mean, me!"
World Cup: 'Vuvuzela' is South African for 'crazy horn'.
Chilean miners rescued: First an earthquake and now this? It's official; Chile is the craziest country of 2010!
Midterm elections: Florida elected Rick Scott as governor. On purpose. C-R-A-Z-Y and Crazy is our name-o!

The economy: Nobody's working so nobody can afford to buy stuff so companies that make stuff can't hire any workers. If you have a sharper insight than that as to what is wrong with the economy, I'd love to hear it, crazy person.
WikiLeaks: Ha ha! What a crazy name for such an apparently serious problem!

And now, to play us out, a video montage accompanied by somber music in tribute to some of the beloved celebrities we lost this year...

Happy New Year, everyone!
"Here's to another year of poor judgment and bad ideas, dollface"
"I told you, my name is Steve"


Marissa said...

Crazy, yo!

RottenMom said...

Have a cuh-razy New Year my hilarious crazy assed friend.

Why, it's Clark! said...

Thank you, you crazy cats.